Mariano Investigations Pt. 4 Oy with the Poodles


"A poodle," Louise said, finishing Rory's sentence. "A fluffy, white poodle."

Madeline blushed furiously. "He's…he's really cute."

"A poodle!" Rory yelled. "You turned my human boyfriend into a poodle!"

Louise rolled her eyes. "Madeline, turn him back."

Madeline opened her mouth and sighed. "Uh…"

"Well!" Rory cried. "Turn him back!"

"Easier said than done."

Louise sighed. "You don't know the counter-spell?"

"It was meant for the paperweight!" Madeline cried.

"Where did you get the spell?" Louise asked.

Madeline frowned and walked into Jess's office, coming back in with a large, dusty book. "I didn't see a counter-curse."

"Does it just wear off?" Louise asked, taking the book.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" Rory cried.

"It's a new spell for me!" Madeline defended.

"You don't point your witchy fingers at people!" Rory yelled.

"Hey!" Louise yelled back. "She was surprised. It's not like she meant to do it."

"But she did!"

"Hey!" Jess barked as he stormed in. "What the hell is going on in here!"

"And why is there an ugly poodle by the door?" Dave asked as he followed Jess in.

"He's cute!" Madeline replied.

"He's Dean," Louise said.

Jess blinked and looked down at the poodle, and then back up.

"He burst in the door and Madeline got surprised," Louise explained.

Jess groaned. "Dammit, Willow!"

Everyone stopped.

Jess blinked again. "I…I mean…Madeline. Dammit Madeline!"

"Who's Willow?" Dave asked curiously.

Jess didn't answer. "What is Dean doing here in the first place?"

Rory bit her lip. "I think he followed me."

"What are you doing here?" he asked her quietly.

"I came looking for you," she told him.

Trogdor snuck around the office, eyeing the little poodle hungrily. He patted Dean on the head and licked his lips.

"Hey!" Louise cried. "Bad Trogdor!"

Dean packed away from Trogdor, whimpering.

Jess held back a snicker.

"It's not funny!" Rory cried. "He was human a minute ago!"

"Barely," Jess quipped. He turned to Madeline and Louise. "So why wasn't the defense system up when Rory walked in?"

"We didn't see her coming," Madeline replied.

"They weren't looking for her," Dave nodded. "Great."

"Hello!" Rory snapped. "My boyfriend's a poodle!"

Dave smirked. "Honestly, it's kind of an improvement."

Jess grinned.

Louise rolled her eyes and shoved the book Madeline had dug up into Jess's arms. "Here. Start looking for a counter spell."

"But he's so cute," Jess replied sarcastically.

Louise rolled her eyes and shoved him into the office. "Dave, you, too. Go. Madeline, come on. Let's get to work. Rory, he's your boyfriend, get in here." Before walking in behind them she glared at Trogdor. "Behave."

Trogdor smiled.


"I got nothing," Dave frowned. "Are you sure it doesn't just wear off?"

Madeline pouted. "I don't know. I didn't learn it to use on a human…it was supposed to make my paperweight do a little dance."

Jess glanced up from his book at Rory. "So…why did you wanna find me?"

She frowned without looking back at him. "You did save my life…I figured I at least owed you a thank you…but you weren't here…so I got caught up in talking to Louise and Madeline."

Jess glanced warily at his two female partners. "What did they say?"

"That you were possessed by something in California, and are now some kind of…demon fighter guy, and that Dave was a Vampire watcher."

"It's just a Watcher."


"I'm sorry you got caught up in this," he muttered. "We'll turn Dean back and then you can be on your way…"


He looked up at her.

Rory frowned. "You were already doing this when you came to see me last summer, weren't you?"

Jess didn't reply.

"Why would you want me to run away with you if you already had a life here?"

He looked back down at his book.

Rory stared at him. "You said those things because you knew I'd say no. You said those things to make sure I would never want to see you again."

"Was for the best," he muttered. "I didn't want you to get hurt."

"I almost did anyways," she pointed out.

"But you weren't and as soon as we turn Bagboy back into…well…Bagboy, you can forget all of this ever happened."

She reached a hand out to his. "What if I don't-"

He jerked away. "We gotta find that counter-curse."

She frowned at him. "Jess-"

"I need air."

Louise looked up and frowned as Jess left the room. She got up and followed him.

Rory looked back down at the book in front of her.


"What the hell was that?"

"That was me, removing myself from a bad situation."


"I can't do it," Jess muttered. "I can't get her killed."

"But you're willing to get us killed?" Louise asked. "Madeline and Dave and I?"

"You supposed to be here!" he cried. "You got those visions; you're exactly where you're supposed to be! And Dave…it was his choice! He chose to be here! Madeline, too!"

"And what if Rory chose to be here?" Louise asked.

"She wouldn't know what she was doing," Jess snapped. "She's not a seer, or a witch, or a watcher. She's nobody in this world! She's some monster's breakfast! Some demon's motel!"

"It doesn't have to be like that."

"I can't do it," he said quietly. "And it's not what she wants. She wants Yale, and journalism. She want normal."

"And you don't?"

"I can't have it."

Louise looked down.

"Besides, she's got Dean."

"Oh, please!" Louise cried. "Like they ever worked! Even when we were kids, it was so obvious how wrong they were for each other! He's such a moron. I mean he's really hot…but a moron."

Jess smirked at her.

"Come on, Boss. Let's go find that counter spell."


Dave smiled. "Aw…Trogdor is playing with Poodle Dean…isn't that cute?"

"They're not playing," Madeline pointed out. "I think Trogdor is gnawing on his head."

"Bad Trogdor!" Louise cried as she rushed back in. "I told you to behave!"

Trogdor pouted and put Dean down.

Dean growled at Trogdor, but Trogdor smacked him on the head, and he ran away.

Jess tried not to laugh.

"It's not funny!" Rory called.

"Oh, come on, it's a little funny!"

Rory paused. "No…"

Jess shook his head and picked up Dean. "I could drop-kick you right now, and there's nothing you could do about it…but you know what would be even more humiliating for you?" He hugged the dog. "If I cuddled you."

Dean growled.

Jess patted his head. "Such a good dog…"

"You're officially creeping me out," Madeline said. "Here give him to me."

"Just don't give him to Louise, she might molest him," Dave said.

"Ew! I don't do canines."

"Only felines," Jess grinned as he passed Dean to Madeline.

At that moment there was a loud bang and a burst of smoke. When it cleared, there was no longer a poodle sitting on Madeline's lap, but a full-grown, very naked Dean.

Rory sighed in relief.

"EW!" Dave cried, jumping back. "Someone else's penis!"

Louise frowned. "It's very tiny…I'm disappointed."

Jess gave Rory a teasing grin. "You actually sleep with that guy?"

Rory rolled her eyes. "Very funny."

Dave stared at Dean thoughtfully. "You know…if my equipment were that small, I'm not sure what I'd do."

"You wouldn't be staring at Dean's," Louise said.

"What! I'm not staring. Who's staring!"

"Jess, go get Dean a blanket," Madeline said calmly.

"Nope," Jess shook his head. "Naked Dean isn't touching any of my blankets with his naked self."

"Way to be mature, Jess," Dean said snidely.

Jess squinted at him. "Hey, aren't you married? Oh! Oh, that's right. You were too mature to make it work, I forgot!"

"Jess, stop," Rory said.

"How do you even know about that?" Dean asked.

"Hey, guys, I-" The blonde stopped as she took a look around. "Dean…Rory…"

"Hey, Lindsay," Louise smiled. "Welcome to the soap opera."

Lindsay blinked. "What are they doing here, and…and Dean, why are you naked?"

"What is she doing here?" Rory asked Louise testily.

Louise sighed. "Rory, meet Lindsay Lister…Stars Hollow's vampire slayer, and an ally and friend of ours."

Lindsay nodded.

"A what!" Dean cried.

"Dean's naked because Madeline accidentally turned him into a poodle, and the spell just wore off," Dave said.

"You're a…a vampire slayer!" Dean cried. "How come you never told me!"

Lindsay cocked her head to the side. "Gee, I wonder…"

Madeline muttered something under her breath and pointed a finger at Dean. A moment later, he was clad in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Thank you," Jess sighed in relief.

"So…" Lindsay crossed her arms. "Madeline went to Stars Hollow and turned Dean into a poodle."

"No," Dave replied. "Dean came here."


"He was following Rory."

"Why is she here?" Lindsay asked, giving a glare to the thin brunette.

Dave sighed. "She wanted to find Jess."

Lindsay raised an eyebrow at the warrior. "You've still got a thing for her, too, huh?"

"We're not having this discussion," Jess said, walking back into his office.

"Yes we are!" Lindsay cried.

"No! We're not!"

"You said that if I got over Dean, you'd get over Rory!"

Jess slammed the door.

Lindsay rolled her eyes and turned back to Rory and Dean. "Out."

"You can't kick us out," Dean said. "And we need to talk!"

"Like I have anything to say to you!" Lindsay cried.

""I just got turned into a poodle!"

"Sorry," Madeline said guiltily.

"You also have very tiny genitalia," Dave pointed out.

"Doesn't he?" Lindsay said with a giggle. "I mean…it's so small, isn't it?"

"Cut it out," Rory sighed.

"And the brain is just as small!" Jess yelled from his office.

Rory tried not to laugh. "Jess!"

Dean glared at Rory. "You think this is funny!"

"No," she blurted out. "Well…a little. I mean…Jess is a…warrior, and Louise gets visions and Madeline is a witch! You got turned into a poodle! And Lindsay is a vampire slayer!"

Dean growled and stormed out of the office.

Rory tried not to laugh.

Lindsay shook her head and then turned to Rory. "So…seriously, why are you with Dean, still? I mean…I know he took your virginity and everything but…he's a jerk."

Rory looked down. "I…He's…safe…"

Lindsay rolled her eyes. "I can't wait until you get a clue."

Jess poked his head out of his office. "He gone?"

Madeline nodded. "Yup."

He came out into the main office.

Dave glanced at Rory. "So…you're not going to tell Lane about all of this, are you?"

Rory gave him a confused look.

"She doesn't know I'm here."

Jess looked down. "Luke doesn't know, either."

"Neither does Paris," Louise jumped in.

Rory blinked at them. "So…I have to keep secrets from two of my best friends, and my mother's boyfriend."

"Don't tell Lorelai, either," Jess said.

Rory stared at them in shock. "I…I can't not tell my three best friends about this! It's crazy! You're all…This! Is crazy!"

"Either keep your mouth shut or I'm casting a memory spell on you," Jess said.

She glared.

Jess gave her a helpless look. "This has to stay quiet. The last thing we need is for all of Stars Hollow to be gossiping about vampires and demons. They're notorious for using loved ones against their enemies."

"Which is why you didn't tell me," Rory said quietly.

They stared at each other.

"O-kay!" Louise said, cutting loudly into the silence. "Dave, Madeline, Lindsay, let's go get some coffee!"

"But…the drama!" Madeline whined, pointing at Jess and Rory.

Louise pulled at her as she pushed Dave out the door.

Lindsay shrugged and followed.

When the door closed, Jess averted his eyes. "I love you, you know. I think I always. I never wanted you to be apart of this."

Rory closed her eyes. "It's a little late for that." She stepped closer to him, and he stepped back. "Jess…"

"I get attached and then you get hurt…"

"You're already attached," Rory said. "So am I."

"And Dean?"

"Means nothing," she said quietly. "He never compared…"

"Then why?"

"Because I'm an idiot. I was…lonely, and stupid, and I wanted someone to hold onto." Rory said. "And I should have seen what you were doing when you showed up at Yale."

Jess laughed a little. "How could you? How could you guess any of this?"

Rory said nothing, and tries to move closer to him again. When he didn't back away, she placed a gentle hand in his hair. "Jess…"

He didn't let her say anything else. He pulled her in and kissed her passionately. His brain was reeling. She was still with Dean. He was still in a life threatening line of work. She was going to Yale. He would ruin her life. She would break him. He would break her. He would get her killed.

Jess's timing had always been lousy; kissing him felt like coming home. Rory closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him back.

Moments passed, and she pulled away from him. "I should go."

He let go of her and nodded. "Yeah. Your mom is probably worried."

"She doesn't know I'm not at school," Rory told him.

Jess gave another nod and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"I won't tell anybody about all of this," she promised him. "But you owe me."

"Name it."


He looked her in the eyes. "I'll call."

Rory smiled sadly and kissed his cheek before walking out of the office.


"What do you mean you didn't kill the demon?"

Logan sighed. "Mariano showed up again, Dad."

Mitchum Huntzberger sat back in desk chair. "And you just sat back and let him take all the glory?"

"It wasn't like that!" Logan slumped down into a chair across from his father. "He got the better of me! I had it!"

Mitchum shook his head. "We'll have to find away to rid ourselves of that boy, won't we?"