112 Memories
Author's Note: Okay, thanks for all the reviews. I know it was a sad way to leave it, but here's the epilogue which will hopefully please you all. Here we go:
Epilogue: Love Will Come Through
"It was five years ago that I got in that taxi and drove away from Tree Hill. I can still remember the thoughts that plagued my mind that day, and how frustrated Lucas seemed with the world. I can still remember his scent when he wrapped his arms around me and pushed me into the car that afternoon. We all had made it a point to keep in touch, but after three years we all set off to different colleges, and our friendships faded. I still talk to Haley every few months, she went off to college in Boston, it was the best place for her to be, full of history. She told me she and Nathan had broken things off mutually when he went to Duke for basketball, though they remained in contact and met up when he got the time off. She also said she had been talking to Jake a little, I still had hope she and Nathan would get back together after college. Lucas also went to Duke with Nate, it was the perfect place for the two of them to be, all about basketball and I know it was a big piece of why Lucas was able to keep going after I left. A year ago, the news came in a letter that he had left Duke, it was shocking to say the least, but Haley said he was starting a sports store in Lafayette, and now that I think about it, it was probably better for Lucas at that point in his life. I could never put my finger on why we lost touch, and the only time I heard from him was when I called every year in June on the anniversary of my mother's death. I'm not sure why I called every year, mostly I think it was just to hear his voice, it was always comforting. He knew it was me every year, and being Lucas he would talk to me for a while, never expecting a response, he just talked about his life and how he missed our friendship, and it was three months after Lucas returned to Tree Hill that I headed back to retrieve my father's body from Georgia, one of the worst and best days of my life."
– 'If I told you a secret, you won't tell a soul, would you hold it and keep it alive. Cause it's burning a hole and I can't get to sleep, and I can't live alone in this lie' –
Peyton spoke slowly to the reporter in front of her. Everything still seemed so surreal about her life, she was in an entirely different place than she ever thought she would be.It had been five weeks before that she received a phone call from the magazine, wanting to do an interview on one of the most talented women of the last year.
She had sat down with the reporter forty-five minutes ago, her name was Emily Brown, and she had informed Peyton of the personal questions she would be asking. In Emily's words she would need to dig into Peyton's past to reach her future to see how she got to be the woman she is.So, Emily had told her to start from the beginning, and she did, she began her story from before she was born, back to when her parents were only in high school and had just met Lucas's parents.
She took Emily through how she hated Lucas as a baby, and up to when her mother died. As her story progressed she moved through her relationship with Lucas and how she was with Jake for so long. She retold the painful past of Brooke and Jake's lack of loyalty and around the corner to when she and Lucas kissed. She then told of how she left Tree Hill, skipped the last uneventful four years to get to her father's funeral.
– 'So look up, take it away, don't look da-da-da down the mountain. If the world isn't turning, your heart won't return anyone, anything, anyhow' –
Emily sat pensively in her chair, scribbling down notes as Peyton waited for her to catch up with what she was saying before continuing with her life story. Emily looked up at the blonde, watching as Peyton seemed to float off into her memories.
"Peyton...Peyton?"
"Huh? What?" the petite girl shook her head slightly, shaking off the old memories she had fallen into and flashing a smile at the girl in front of her.
Emily chuckled, "Your father's funeral...you were saying?"
"Right, right. Um, it was a year ago that I got that phone call. I can remember almost every detail of laying in my messy apartment in New York, I had only just finished college the year before so I still didn't have everything figured out, I mean even now I don't have everything figured out. But I had always been into art as I said earlier, so I had just sketch books scattered all over the place and when the phone rang I took quite a few minutes to find it, I almost missed the call all together, but when I answered, boy did I get a reality check..."
"Is this Ms. Sawyer?"
"Yes, it is. Who's this?"
"This is the city morgue in Savannah, Georgia.. We regretfully inform you that we have your father's body here, there was a storm just off the coast...he asked to be buried in Tree Hill in his will. We need you to come down here and then organize whatever you need to be done for the funeral and transporting him back to Tree Hill, North Carolina…Ms. Sawyer?"
- 'If the world isn't turning, your heart won't return anyone, anything, anyhow' -
"I had begun to shake as soon as I heard morgue, I already knew exactly what he had to tell me and by the time he finished I was trembling on the couch. I didn't know where to go, who to turn to…I'd never really made any worthwhile friends where I was living in New York. I mean, well of course I had friends, but none like the people I'd spent a vast majority of my life with in Tree Hill, never anyone like Lucas."
"I had to leave everything, my life in New York and head down to Georgia. I didn't exactly make it to Georgia without going through Tree Hill…and without being in contact with Lucas for the first time in five years, besides the annual phone calls on my mother's anniversary. It was one in the morning when I got on the road, on the way towards Georgia. And it was four o'clock in the morning when my cell phone rang with an unavailable number blinking on the caller ID."
"Who the hell can this be?" my voice filled the empty car, the only other sound was the Ryan Adams CD I had left in there from days before. Living in New York didn't allow me to drive much, but I kept the car for…well I don't know why I kept the car.
"Hello?" I know my voice sounded miserable, and to tell you the truth I was on the verge of tears for most of the ride. Being left alone in my thoughts was never safe, and most of the time my thoughts would drift to the times I spent with my father when I was a little girl.
"Peyt?" the name flowed smoothly out of his throat, a name only he'd used for me when we were younger, and I'd always taken it as a sign of some sort of affection.
"L-Lucas?"
"I drove down to North Carolina in that next day, and I spent most of the ride on the phone with him…he told me he didn't trust me to make the trip by myself, but I think that was only part of it. I can tell you now I sure as hell didn't want to get off the phone with him, he was my best friend for most of my life and I hadn't seen or talked to him years. It was a good way to catch up, and after that ride I still remember the excitement when I pulled up in front of his house and saw him sitting on the porch with the phone up to his ear, talking to me still."
"So, this weird car just pulled up in front of my house…there's this girl that totally reminds me of you, except her hair is darker, she looks older than you too. Her car actually reminds me of the one you drove, the resemblance is crazy…" he chuckled slightly on the other end of the line, while I smiled at his figure on the porch.
"Yea, I know what you mean. I actually just pulled up in front of this house that reminds me of the one you lived in, and there's this really old guy on the porch sitting on a rocking chair. He's got a beard and he totally reminds me of you…except for he's so old…" I had laughed hysterically at his reaction that day, and in keeping the phone to my ear I opened the car door as he sprinted from the porch down to my car.
I didn't know what to expect when he reached me, but he pulled me into his arms like we hadn't just spent five years apart, and I don't think I'll ever be able to explain the feeling I got when he held me that day…it was like my whole childhood came rushing back to me in that instant and I had this overwhelming feeling of love when I was in his arms. That same smell that I had tried so hard to remember for so long was surrounding me and I didn't want him to let me go that day.
"God, I missed you," his whisper sent shivers down my spine, and it was right then that I knew the feeling that he had been trying to describe…and I knew that I wasn't leaving Tree Hill again, my mind was already made up.
"I missed you too…so much."
- So take me, don't leave me. Take me, don't leave me. Baby, love with come through, it's just waiting for you' –
"We spent the next few hours catching up, and we both tip toed around the subject of my father and those last few weeks from five years ago. And for a while I did forget, I was always able to forget everything when I was with Lucas..."
"So, how's Nathan and Haley holding up?"
"They're actually engaged. Turns out she was talking to Jake for a little while, but that fizzled out pretty quickly. Her and Nathan met back up after she finished college and moved back, as did he. He's actually helping me out with the store right now…it's cool to be working with him. He proposed a few weeks ago, I'm kind of surprised Haley didn't tell you, she told me you two were in touch…"
"I'm sorry, Luke," I heard the tone in his voice as he said that last sentence and I was overcome with guilt about the situation. But at the time my logic had been that it would have been too hard to talk to Lucas all the time and not be able to be near him. Honestly, at the time when I left my feelings toward him had begun to change…and I hated myself for trying so hard to deny him and then finally when I was leaving I was opening up for him.
"Don't be…I understand, it's not a big deal. All that matters now is that you're here with me, and that I get to hang with my best friend and we're going on a road trip," his smile grew, and he extended his hand for a high five. It was then that I began to wonder if he had forgotten about what he had felt for me, if he forgot about the kiss that had nearly torn our friendship apart, or if he just didn't feel that way for me anymore.
"Yea, woo! Road trip," my smile was completely fake and plastered, and I was pretty sure he noticed, but he said nothing.
"So, we leaving now?"
"Yea, sure, let's go…"
"God, that day was hard. My mind was reeling, I was wondering what he felt for me now, if those five years apart had made his feelings for me fade, and it was depressing because at that moment I don't think I had ever wanted him more…and I guess I kind of knew his pain when I told him I didn't feel what he felt…"
"You two had a rocky friendship, huh?" Emily questioned the girl in front of her, admiring the brunette for all she accomplished and all the pain she had to endure to be the person she was today.
"Well…I wouldn't say rocky up until we were sixteen. Mostly because everything had been so platonic up until then, and that was when the complications started. And even then, when I went back to Tree Hill it was easy to go along with it and pretend I wanted friendship from him, and it was so easy to pick up where we left off. "
"So, what happened on the car ride?" Emily knew she was completely off topic, that she didn't really need to know what happened on the car ride, but some time ago she had lost all focus for the interview and got up in the love story between two best friends.
"Well, the car ride was interesting…the car ride was when we got into everything we had been trying so hard to avoid…"
"Soooo, how's the store making out?" I didn't really know what to say to him, we had spent so much time apart that I didn't know where to begin…and he seemed to sense that.
"It's actually doing really good…to tell you the truth I didn't expect it to, but it's growing and more people are finding out about it, so I think it's gonna make it. Or at least I hope so anyway."
"That's really good, Luke. I'm happy for you. Any girlfriends?" I wiggled my eyebrows, trying to make it a playful question instead of me prying for information, and he laughed along…I'm still not sure if he knew what I was trying to do at the time.
"Uh, let's see…I had one in a period of five years…pretty pathetic, huh?" I smiled at him, mostly because my faith had been boosted that maybe he still felt the same way.
"Not really…I'm right there with you. One guy, and he wasn't even really a boyfriend…he was kind of more of a month of make-out sessions," I smiled sheepishly thinking I was going to get a lecture on how I wasn't that kind of girl but Lucas just laughed and shook his head at me.
"Yea…mine only lasted about two months," he seemed somewhat embarrassed with the way his life was turning out.
"Wasn't what you expected?"
"What wasn't?"
"Life?" he looked down at his large hands…he looked like he was in deep thought.
"Well…I sorta had a plan, only it didn't work out the way I wanted after you left…nothing worked out the way I wanted after you left…" and with that sentence I was pretty sure his feeling were as strong as ever.
"Sorry for ruining things," I nudged him with my elbow, smiling and he smirked at me.
"Eh…just five years wasted…not a huge deal."
- 'And you stand at the crossroads of high roads and low roads. And I've got a feeling it's right' –
Peyton looked thoughtful as she returned from her distant memories, and Emily looked like she pitied the young girl before her.
"I don't believe I'm telling you all of this…I'm glad my whole personal life is going to be printed in this magazine for the entire world to read," Peyton gave a small laugh, and Emily made a decision.
"Look, I'll keep this all off the record…or well most of it. I'll take what I need for the interview and nothing else on one condition…"
"Name it."
"Can you finish the story?" Peyton laughed at the reporter in front of her, she was glad she got a girl who was able to sympathize about not having it all printed, and she was glad she got someone who was more interested in the story, it was kind of like a soap opera now that she thought about it.
"I'll finish the story. Let's get to the drama, down at the morgue in Georgia…fun times."
"Are you sure you're ready?"
"Well, even if I wasn't I don't really have a choice here. He's my father, I have to do this…just thanks for coming…" my words were completely sincere, I was so unbelievably thankful that he had wanted to come to support me in this.
"Hey, it may have been five years, but you're still my best friend, I'd do anything for you, Peyt," and there was that name, the one I had been longing to hear for five years.
I didn't respond to that statement, I just walked in and without question he took my hand, following behind me, into the building of death, or at least that's how I had always looked at it. Just the smell of the building made me want to gag, and when I saw the grim face of the man by the table I wanted to turn and run…that was my father on that table under the blanket. The man who had done his best to raise me after my mother died…and I felt a flash of moments with him running through my mind. I had the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach as I approached the guy who I viewed as the man I wanted to blame for my father's death.
"I'm going to assume you're Ms. Sawyer?"
"You assumed right," I snapped back, my tone was cold and uninviting, but I got the feeling this guy was used to it by now…when someone dies and you have no one to blame for it, you're forced to find someone. And this guy, being the person who unveils your dead loved one, was the easiest one to blame.
"Okay, I'm gonna make this quick…I have identification that it's your father, so you have to sign here, and here…I'll pull the cover back so you can confirm it…if you feel the need you can go outside and get yourself together after…but I do need you to come back and sign one final line then you can figure out transportation and whatnot," his voice was deep, and he seemed friendly enough, but I wanted nothing to do with him.
I snatched the clipboard with the papers from his hand, and Lucas stood by watching, the loyal friend that he was. I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes, but I did my best to choke them back…reality was beginning to sink in that I would never see my father again or hear his voice. It was the same type of feeling I had when my mother died…like things didn't really hit until the times I needed her and I knew she wasn't ever going to be there.
Finally, the guy, who's name was Jeff questioned if I was ready. Yea, that was a great question to ask someone who was just about to view their father on a slab of metal in a morgue...what an ass. Would I ever be ready for that moment? But I nodded my head anyway and Lucas stood back just slightly to give me space. I think he was already expecting my reaction as the cover was pulled back.
Seeing my father was the most surreal experience of my life, I half expected him to sit up and smile at me, calling me his little girl again. But then as I got past that fantasy I came to see what was really there…a cold hard shell of who he had once been, because everything I loved about him was gone and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about that.
I felt my nerves kick in again as my body began to tremble and the tears came down rapidly…the image of my father laying there has never left my mind, and I don't think it ever will. I could feel the shaking getting worse and Lucas seemed worried from where he stood but I didn't know what to do about it. I had to get out, so I took off at a run, out of the death building and into the parking lot where I immediately collapsed to the cement, shaking and crying hysterically.
I heard his footsteps coming out after me…I could tell he was worried from the way he grabbed my trembling body and held me close to him. My chest was heaving against him, I couldn't catch my breath enough to get a hold of myself...everything was just happening too quickly, my life with my father was flashing before my eyes, and my time with Lucas was passing by me.
I was gonna lose him if I didn't show him what I felt. If I didn't let him know that I loved him, that I needed him for the rest of my life because he was the only person who didn't leave, who had never hurt me. I never told my Dad what he meant to me, and now that he was gone I knew I would never have the chance, but Lucas was right there in front of me. Lucas had always been right there in front of me and if I didn't take the risk I'd lose him too.
- 'If it's real what I'm feeling, there's no make believing, the sound of the wings of the flight of a dove. Take it away, don't look da-da-da-down the mountain' –
Eventually I was able to get myself together enough to go back into that dreaded building…I signed the last line while Jeff looked at me with sad eyes. But I didn't want his pity, he didn't know me, no one knew me the way Lucas did. God, I was such an ass, I had wasted so much time…so much time denying what I felt because I wanted to save our friendship. When it finally occurred to me that I wouldn't lose him – what I felt for him was real, and it was something you only get once in a lifetime.
I didn't have the courage to tell him there, so instead we got back in the car and conveniently it got dark pretty quickly, and we ended up in a motel with one bed and no tv. We were stuck with each other this time, and we were forced to confront what happened between us all those years ago and what we were still feeling.
"So, how come…how come you only had one boyfriend over a period of five years?" he seemed hesitant to ask as he lay next to me on the queen sized bed. We were both avoiding each other's eyes – he was fiddling with his watch, while I absentmindedly picked at my fingers.
"I dunno…how come you only had one girlfriend in five years?"
"Probably the same reason you only had one boyfriend," I could easily see the trap we were falling into, picking at these flaws while neither of us would give a straight answer. So, instead of going back and forth I brought up something different.
"If you loved me so much when I left, why didn't you come after me at all?" I knew the question had caught him off guard but it was a question I'd held onto for those five years. A question that made me doubt what he felt for me at the time.
"Because…because you spent so much time turning me down and telling me you didn't feel that way and you wouldn't cross that line. I guess my ego was bruised and I told myself I wouldn't come all that way to be turned down again…it hurt too much to feel that way and not have those feelings reciprocated," and I knew where he was coming from.
"I'm sorry for all that…" he turned towards me, finally meeting my eyes.
"Yea, me too. You want the truth?" I shook my head, keeping the eye contact with him. "I haven't had a girlfriend in five years because of you…it's not because I wasn't approached, because I had girls coming after me and I turned them down telling myself they just weren't good enough…and I guess that's the partial truth because they're weren't. They weren't you, and you were who I wanted for so long," the past tense of everything he used deflated my spirit but I felt it was time to at least try to confess.
"Who was your first?" okay, so I chickened out, but I wanted to know where he stood after all those years and the only way I could do that was to know these small things…or maybe I was just curious, either way I had to know.
"Brooke…my first and last…" he seemed embarrassed by that, but it gave me relief…it made me feel like he didn't ever want anyone else. "How about you?"
"Um, I haven't…yet. I mean, it's not that I didn't want to, it's just the right person never really came along. And it's not like I'm old…I mean I'm only 21, plenty of people have waited longer than that. Right? I mean…Ijust –"
"Peyt...Peyt!"
"Yea?"
"You're rambling. Chill out, it's not a big deal, I was just wondering," he smiled at me…and I felt weak all over again.
It was a half hour later and we were still talking about that week when everything changed. When he confessed to me what he felt, when he kissed me for the first and last time. The conversation had turned serious and he was prying, we both knew it.
"I've always had a hard time letting people in, you of all people know that. And I guess after Jake I was so scared to let anyone else in, I think that's mostly why I never had another relationship after him…and I know it wasn't fair to you, but I just couldn't pull myself together enough to give myself to you…"
"And what if the situation had happened now? Would you have been able to let me in now?" his questions were beginning to scare me, I knew where he was going with it all.
"Probably," my voice had lowered to a soft whisper, the room was dark and there was a dim light from the bathroom shining towards the bed. It was winter, there was a light snow falling outside but it didn't phase either of us as our eyes locked.
"What's the real reason, Peyt?" I wanted so badly to act confused, like I didn't know what he was talking about, but my heart answered for me.
"None of those guys who tried to get to me were you…and the truth is…the right person came along when I was two years old…I've just been too scared to admit it to myself until now…and I feel like we wasted a lot of time…" my voice was still as soft as it had ever been and his eyes softened dramatically at me.
"It wasn't that much time…I think we can make up for it," he smiled just slightly as his face neared mine. It was strange having him so close all of a sudden, because we had never been that way. It was a new, exhilarating feeling and it took over my body as my eyes closed in instinct, and my lips met his. The chemistry between us was undeniable, it always had been…I'd never been kissed that way…I'd never felt so much love pour through in one kiss, it was a kiss that made up for years of want and longing and desperation that I think we'd both felt. And even though I imagined that moment it blew me away, just the same.
- 'If the world isn't turning, your heart won't return anyone, anything, anyhow' –
"And I guess you can figure out what happened from there, and the rest is history, " Peyton's smile was wide as she reflected on that night, and Emily looked pretty happy with the outcome of things for the girl she had interviewed.
"Thanks for the interview, Peyton. I'm glad things turned out the way you wanted, good luck with everything, you're very talented too," Emily stood shaking the brunette's hand, turning away. Peyton stood and headed outside to her car where she finished her thoughts of that fateful night.
So maybe we weren't each other's first kisses, and maybe I wasn't even his first time…but I knew that things were finally turning out right, for the first time. The kisses grew more passionate between us, his mouth was moving down along my neck, making me feel things I had never felt before because I had never really gone that far with anyone before. Before I had time to process things my shirt and pants were on the floor beneath us and I was blushing unbelievably under his ever-present stare. He smiled at me, whispering about how beautiful he thought I was, how I always had been in his eyes. He was my best friend and I was finally about to take that step with the one person who mattered the most in life.
Slowly he slipped the remainder of my clothes off, also helping me remove his boxers. He took a condom from his wallet, we both knew I didn't want to get pregnant on my first time out. He was gentle as he moved in on me, pushing slowly so he didn't hurt me. I could feel an intense pain, and my eyes filled with tears.
"It'll pass," he promised, and I nodded my head, and from those words there was no one else I wanted to give that moment to. No one else I would ever give that moment to. His kisses were feather soft against my skin, he began to move slowly as I adjusted to his rhythm and the pleasure replaced the pain. Not long after we both collapsed in exhaustion, he looked at me in adoration, whispering the few words I'd be waiting to hear from someone my entire life.
"I love you, Peyt…always have."
"I love you too."
- 'So take me don't leave me. Take me, don't leave me. Baby, love will come through, it's just waiting for you' –
Peyton pulled into the driveway and walked into the house. She smelled food which led her towards the kitchen and to the man she had spent the last year with.
"Hey," she chirped and he turned with a smile.
"Hello," she kissed his cheek, checking the mail and flipping through a few letters. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?" she questioned the man in front of her.
"Probably, but the shower's lonely," he pouted, giving her a face he knew she wasn't able to reist.
"Everyone else can take shower's by themselves…"
"Everyone else hasn't had the pleasure of you in the shower with them," he winked, grabbing her by the waist and carrying her with him to the bathroom as she squealed. "We've got an hour until we have to be at the church for Haley and Nathan…and we've got a lot of lost time to make up for."
So, I'm sorry it took like 80 years to update this and finally finish it. I hope it was an okay ending…I did my best. I couldn't figure out how I wanted to end it, I considered a sad ending but all in all, I loved this story and I needed to see it end happily. I hope you were okay with it. Anywho, I know it's long and filled with stuff, but I hope you enjoyed it, and the story as a whole and I hope you'll review for me! The song was, "Love Will Come Through."
The End.