cheerio my deario

(By archy the cockroach)

warnings: Shounen-ai, swearing

well boss I met
mehitabel the cat
trying to dig a
frozen lamb chop
out of a snow
drift the other day

Yuki was very cold. And Yuki was also stuck up in a tree. How the rat got stuck up in the tree, he would probably never know for sure. All he knew was that he would probably be molested by over-eager Yuki Fanclub Girls if he came down from that tree.

"Oi! Rat!" Yuki recognized that voice as soon as it sounded; the cat, also known as, Kyou. "What the hell are you doin' up in that tree?" Indeed, being in a tree like that was more suited for the cat himself. But, Yuki decided he might be better off to explain.

"I'm hiding… from the Fangirls..." said Yuki, just loud enough for Kyou to hear it. Kyou scoffed, and leaned himself up against the tree in which the rat was located in.

"Why don't you just make up some excuse for them to stop chasing you?" said Kyou, deciding he was bored enough to talk to the hiding rat. And as a plus, it might get Yuki revealed to wandering Fangirls.

"Like what," said Yuki, poking his head out over a branch to look at his cousin. "I can't just say I'm taken or something, stupid cat. They'd go crazy."

"Tell 'em you're allergic to girls."

"Tried that."

"Have a deadly, transmittable disease?"

"I don't want to risk Hatori coming over and poking me with needles."

"Say you're gay, then," said Kyou, shrugging. Yuki nearly fell out of the tree. Saying he was gay was the thing that he wouldn't of considered. He was the polar opposite of gay. He hated it when Haru hit on him, but he never really said anything. A lot of people thought he might be remotely gay because of his feminine appearance.


"Well, then, have fun, because here they come," said Kyou, wandering away from the tree. And sure enough, about ten meters away, three Yuki-crazed girls were shuffling down the park trail calling the rat's name.

Yuki had run into the park to hide from the other swarm of girls who were lurking about the school. He had almost gotten mauled and transformed, and he didn't want to risk it anymore, and thus, run into the park… only to meet up with more Yuki-crazy girls.

Yuki was having a bad day.

"Yuki!" screamed the Fangirl known as Mimi. She was the scariest of all three, by Yuki standards. "Come out, come out wherever you are!"

So, Yuki decided to. It wasn't very useful to keep running. Kyou decided to stick around to see what the rat was going to do.

"THERE YOU ARE MY BEAUTIFUL BOY!" said the second Fangirl, Hiromi, nearly leaping for Yuki.

"Don't touch me," said the rat, glaring daggers at Hiromi. Said Fangirl stopped mid-leap, and fell to the ground. "I want you to stop chasing me."

"Why, Yuki? Why must you run from us! We love you!" said the final Fangirl, Kimmi.

"But I'm not interested," said Yuki. But Kimmi was approaching him, looking ready to… to hug! He had to stop her fast. "I'm gay!"

Everyone froze. Kyou looked like he was about to break into a fit of laughter, though. He quickly hid his face, but couldn't let small giggles fall out sometimes.

"No, silly, you're not gay!" said Hiromi, her left eye twitching. That scared Yuki a little bit.

"Yes, I am. I would know my sexuality," said Yuki. It was hard to sound serious, very hard indeed. And with Kyou's laughter nearby, it was even harder.

"You're lying! Prove it!" said Mimi.

"How am I supposed to prove it?" said Yuki, hands on his hips and making a very 'gay-like' stance.

"Kiss a boy!" said Kimmi.

Kyou suddenly looked up. All Fangirls present were glowering at him. Oh no. Kyou Sohma was not gay. Well… Kyou hadn't really ever questioned his sexuality, but he thought he wasn't gay.

"We're… we're cousins!" protested Kyou, disgusted expression stamped on his face.

"So? I heard that in Texas, America, they marry their brothers and sisters!" said Hiromi. Yuki had an odd grimace on his face.

"YEAH?" shouted Kyou. "So what? They eat wombats in Texas, too, and that doesn't make it any more normal! And I'm not from frickin' Texas, anyway!"

"You never protested like this last night…" said Yuki. Kyou died on the spot, chanting 'I hate you' like a mantra in his head.

"Shut up, you stupid rat! We didn't do anything last night!" said Kyou, spinning on his heel to face said rat. Blush was crawling across his cheeks, which were already flushed from the cold.

"Just like we didn't do anything the night before, or the night before," said Yuki, pulling the cat's body closer to his. Kyou was now blushing like a schoolgirl, eyes wide and breathing quickly. The three Fangirls were glaring at the cat now, and their murderous eyes were a little scary. "Play along or you're dead," Yuki whispered in an undertone.

"You're just pretending!" yelled Hiromi, her hair nearly sticking out she was so angry. "Kiss him if you're not, then!"

And Yuki did kiss Kyou.

And the Fangirls screamed "OHMIGOD HE WASN'T LYING!"

And Kyou passed out in his arms.

And Yuki was happy as he was (momentarily) free from the wrath of the Fangirls.

…And because Kyou was unconscious too.

bump ba baaaaaa! chapter one, up and at 'em. -

well, here's the first fic. this poem is by don marquis and is entitled cheerio my deario, of course.