Once upon a time, in a far away land there was a princess. Her name was Bin-Bin. She met an amazing prince and his name was Snoop Dogg. They had much ravenous sex and pole danced a lot, whilst taking pictures of pretty gay boys. And then, much to Bin-Bin's surprise, Snoop Dogg had a baby. They named it Plot.
One day, the great adventurer Archy (the cockroach, of course) came upon Bin-Bin and Snoop Dogg and their assbaby, Plot. Archy kidnapped Plot, and Bin-Bin sought revenge. And thus, she brought the wrath of the Plotless-Badly-Written-Smutty-One-Shot-With-MPreg upon the world of Fanfiction.
And then Plot died.
Then, out of the dawn of the new age, something to fix all was born.
It was called Cheerio my deario.
And it sucked really bad, but somehow got the most reviews out of any story that Archy had written.
This is Cheerio's story.
Cheerio my deario
(by archy the cockroach)
warnings: homofucking, language, assbabies, MPREG IS SO DISGUSTING, drugged-out kyou, attack of the plot and angstmuffin!yuki
disclaimer: FUCK NO
a/n: weeeeeeeeell, another fun round of cheerio. this is the last chapter with madeups (until the end, that is) so I decided to cram a whole shitload in. everybody makes an appearance. also, I WILL FUCKING UPDATE WHENEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO. STOP NAGGING ME. I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS, BUT IF YOU JUST LEAVE A REVIEW THAT SAYS 'UPDATE' I WILL NEVER FUCKING FINISH THIS FIC.
"It's not going to fit."
"It is, Kyon-Kyon! It is! Just… relax a little bit!"
"FUCK, it hurts! Get off of me! It's not going to work!"
"I've done this a thousand times, it WILL fit."
"See, it did fit!"
And with that, Kyou successfully removed his hand from the pickle jar, and glared at his boyfriend. "Told you so!" sang Ayame, stealing Kyou's pickle and running off in the opposite direction.
"AYA, GIVE ME BACK MY PICKLE."
It was a day like any other day, and Yuki was out angsting his pretty boy heart out in his garden. He was oddly feeling like he had lost something since Kyou had been 'with' his brother. He was finally coming to terms with the fact that he might actually feel something for Kyou. Well, Yuki was one smart fucker, eh?
Well, despite Yuki being in denial, Kyou wasn't anymore. They had been 'going out' for almost 4 months now. He liked to shove it in Yuki's face that he was sleeping with his older brother. Oh yeah, Kyou was no virgin any more. And, Ayame had shown Kyou a few interesting things, and made a certain kitty develop a few kinks.
Somewhere, watching her computer screen, a girl named Anna drooled and thanked Shigure for setting up those cameras in Kyou's room.
Yuki entered Shigure's house late in the evening, after much gardening. Upon going into the dining room, he got much of a sight that he didn't need to see. Ayame was currently semi-clothed, his shirt unbuttoned and hanging off of his chest. Kyou was completely shirtless, pants undone and face flushed as Ayame ravaged him with kisses.
Poor Yuki could feel the rage ready to explode in his chest.
"Can you not do that in here, PLEASE?" snarled Yuki, intent on stomping past the two, trying to ignore the arousal that was building in his stomach. Seeing Kyou all misty-eyed and turned on like that was a little bit too much to bear.
"Stupid rat. Just go die somewhere," whispered Kyou, before letting out a gut-tearing moan as Ayame unexpectedly ground his hips into the smaller boy's. Yuki felt his blood go to his face as the cat scratched restlessly at the table underneath him.
"Yuki, Kyou, Ayame, Shigure, I'm hooo- OH MY GOD!" Tohru got a nosebleed upon walking into the dining room, and Yuki was all-too-quick to usher her out, leaving Ayame and Kyou to fuck on the table.
And that was what they did.
But Yuki and Tohru weren't there to see it. They just ran the hell away, to Tohru's room, and while Tohru plugged her nostrils with tissue, Yuki angsted while sitting on the bed. With her nose tampons in place, Tohru sat down on the bed with Yuki.
"So much has changed," said the girl, looking at her hands. Yuki nodded silently beside her. Yuki, being the angsty bastard that he is, just wanted to die. He felt so impossibly empty.
And then a leprechaun hopped by.
Outside, the moon shone through Tohru's window. "But you know… Yuki, you're obviously upset. I think you should try one more time. Try to win Kyou back. If you love someone, you should."
"I think I'll try. For real, this time," said Yuki, standing up.
"That's the spirit!" said Tohru, enthusiastically.
"Tomorrow," said Yuki, promptly passing out on Tohru's floor. Tohru rubbed her hands together, scheming up a scheme of ultimate scheming magnitude.
"Yeeeees, yeeeeeees my pretties. It shall all fall into place. And then I can send Al-niichan more HAWT SECKSY YUKI ON KYOU PORN!"
And then, Canon rose from the dead and brainwashed Tohru.
"Oh, I'll go clean something now!" and off little Tohru went.
"We should do something today!" suggested Shigure, as Tohru put the last plate on the table. The weekend had just begun, and Yuki was thinking about how to get Kyou back. Tohru passed out strawberries and napkins before she sat down, smiling.
"Yeah, there's a magical traveling amusement park in town, I hear. We should go!" suggested Tohru. Ayame, who had spent the night, nodded. He liked the idea. Sex on the top of the Ferris wheel would be so much fun!
Yuki grinned in his head. It was a perfect opportunity to win Kyou back! Ninja style!
Kyou just kind of hummed to himself, eating slowly.
Later on, they did go to the amusement park. With Hatori, because he could drive, and he was amazing. He almost crashed the car a few times, though. Shigure, who was sitting in the passenger seat, had gripped the dashboard and the door handle for dear life as Hatori sped through pretty much ever street. Both Tohru and Yuki were hanging onto each other, sobbing, but Ayame and Kyou were just eagerly making out in their seat.
Oh, how I love yaoi.
Eventually, they got to the amusement park. Hatori puttered off somewhere, to go hit some clowns, or something. Shigure decided to stick with Tohru and Yuki (much to their chagrin) and Ayame and Kyou went off to be exhibitionists!
"I wonder where they're fucking now?" said Shigure, before shoving more cotton candy into his mouth. "I bet it's in the house of mirrors! That way, they could see themselves fucking in Winifred fencer vision!"
"Winifred fencer vision?" questioned Yuki, sweat dropping. Tohru sighed, throwing another baseball at a glass bottle. The thing fell over, and the girl won yet another giant stuffed bear.
"Don't ask. Microsoft Word will do that. Silly auto-correct," said Shigure. "What I meant to say was wonkified funny vision!" Yuki rolled his eyes.
"And that made more sense how?" said the teen. "I'm going off to find that idiot cat and his pet snake. Don't wait up." The lavender hair boy went off in the other direction, leaving poor, poor Tohru with sick, sick Shigure.
"So, Tohru, my pretty little flower? What do you say we take some ideas from Aaya and Kyou and go—"
Tohru hit him with a baseball.
"Top prize!" shrieked the Playboy-bunny carnie, who was apparently named Jordy, shoving a enormous bear into Tohru's arms. The girl squeaked as the over-sized plush, quite literally, squooshed her.
"Ooh, look Kyou! A Ferris wheel!" said Ayame, pointing to said attraction. Kyou looked at it with un-impressed eyes.
"The seats usually get stuck at the top. For about 15 minutes each time," said Ayame. It didn't take more than 2 seconds for that sentence to click in Kyou's mind, as he latched onto Ayame's hand and dragged the man towards the ride.
Kyou was nearly bouncing with excitement as they waited in the line. Ayame's mind was just reeling with all of the delightfully smutty things he wanted to do to the little boy. Oh, how naughty.
And so, they waited in line, but that's kind of boring.
Eventually, they got to the front of the line. Standing there were two more spiff-tastic Canadian exchange students. "Greetings," said the tall one. Kyou stared up at her. Damn, she was tall. Another girl in a flamingo shirt was working some levers over by the Ferris wheel. "If you want to get on this ride, you're going to have to make out in front of me. Perhaps some heavy petting, as well."
"Melissa, stop it," giggled the other girl by the levers. Melissa rolled her eyes and hopped back over to the lever platform.
"Okay, since you guys are THE SEX, you get on for free!" said the Melissa-girl. The girl with the flamingo shirt grinned, beckoning the two males onto the ride. Kyou looked a little scared, but Ayame literally pulled Kyou towards the cart.
Yuki watched from the sidelines, clothed in a big, gangsta-style hoodie. He wanted to remain hidden. Of course, it was really hot outside, so that was kind of hard. So, the rat stood in the sun, sweating bullets as he spied on Ayame and Kyou. Many mothers moved their children away from the gangsta.
As the snake and the cat situated themselves in the cart, they didn't even notice Yuki, of course. They did, however, notice a GANGSTA! Kyou pointed to the gangsta, and Ayame whipped out a camera, snapping many pictures. "Snoop Dogg is here! Oh mai god!"
Yuki fumed. He did not look like Snoop Dogg.
Back in the far away land, where Snoop lived with Bin-Bin, Snoop filed a lawsuit for impersonation.
Eventually, flamingo-girl got the Ferris wheel started. With a groan of machinery, the carts started to turn. Ayame and Kyou were already making out in their seat. Melissa was drooling. "Rose, Rose. Get the… ghgh… camera."
Rose grinned. She had set up multiple cameras already, just for that purpose. Her homosexual senses were tingling, earlier in the day. Not to mention her gaydar had been going berserk ever since that red-headed guy and his 'friend' had gotten into the line.
The gangsta in the line looked pretty pissed.
When a shirt landed on Melissa's head, Rose knew the reason. Ehehe.
Rose looked to her laptop, where all of the camera's were wired to. Yeah, the little redhead had already lost most of his clothes, and was grinding ferociously against the white-haired one.
Rose was GRINNING.
Yuki, however, was being emo and angsty and he WANTED HIS KITTY BACK. And thus, Yuki decided to sabotage everything. He set to hitting the Ferris wheel with a wrench. All he really did, though, was bust the thing so it couldn't run properly.
So, Kyou and Ayame were stuck on the Ferris wheel even longer.
"DAMMIT ALL!" yelled Yuki, whipping off his black hoodie, and storming off. He pushed a man on stilts along the way, and he fell onto Hatori, who was just minding his own business.
Poor, poor Hatori.
But, some good came out of it.
Kyou got fucked in a Ferris wheel!
Of course, Kyou needed some help walking, when it was finally time to go home. Ayame was all too happy to oblige, and Yuki just glared. The group piled into Hatori's car, where Tohru's many stuffed prizes were taped to the top of the car, along with the Playboy Bunny, Jordy. Evidently, they had run out of prizes, so Jordy offered himself. Because being Jordy is the equivalent of being a prostidude.
What the fuck?
Oh, you're back. I thought you were gone.
No, not really.
I'M NOT A DUCK. AND I HAVE POCKETS.
That's what you like to think.
They eventually got back to Shigure's house. Tohru disappeared up into her room to presumably, snuggle her stuffies. Ayame had to go to work, or something, and left the red-head with a soul searing kiss. Hatori left with Jordy, for some reason, because I wanted to get rid of both of their characters for now, and that was the easiest way. Shigure puttered off to do something, and Yuki and Kyou were left alone.
Kyou was a little scared.
Kyou wandered over to the kitchen, and Yuki followed. Kitty went to the living room, and Yuki followed. Basically, wherever Kyou went, Yuki tagged along.
"Yukiiii… go awaaaaay," whined Kyou, as the rat cornered him against a wall.
"Nnghghhahfhffhf. Pleeeeeease," pleaded the red-head. But Yuki had his hands on either side of Kyou, effectively pinning him there. The cat gave a whimper as Yuki forced his body weight against the cat, and Yuki shivered as he felt every curve and contour of the other's toned body.
"S-stop," pleaded Kyou, screwing his eyes shut. His mind was screaming at him to run. This was almost rape.
OH MAI GOD. KYOU CAN'T GET RAPED.
Melissa, go away. Those are my italics.
SHUT UP. I WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
Then stop talking.
And then the wall broke!
Kyou landed on the ground, outside, on his back with a rather loud curse. Yuki toppled onto him, and their lips met due to some WEIRD coincidence!
Because of that WEIRD coincidence, they had some how managed to kiss!
And with that, the Plot jumped in, and started dancing.
IT DANCED THE TWIST. LOL, PLOT TWIST.
But, back to the real story, where Kyou and Yuki were in the middle of something of a kiss. Of course, Yuki forced his tongue past the barrier that was Kyou's lips. Kyou did nothing to protest, so Yuki forced himself to prolong the moment.
Yuki pulled away, now straddling the dazed cat. "I want you."
Kyou blushed, madly, and mumbled, "You should've told me that, earlier. I'm with Ayame."
"You understand that you're living a lie," hissed Yuki, "He just thinks he loves you, because of that traumatic head-accident."
Kyou bit his lip. "I know. But at least it's not fake love."
Oh, the soap-opera-ness.
Yuki ground his hips against the red head's, eliciting a sweet groan from the cat. Yuki wanted to grin, despite the situation. "I don't think what I ever felt for you was 'fake'. I want to fuck you."
Yuki was about to kiss Kyou again, when Tohru walked in. "You guys broke the wall! I should fix it!"
and then archy ended the chapter.
YOU CAN'TEND THE CHAPTER THERE.
yes, i can. watch me.