Six part story. Rated PG-13 for moderately mature subjects and language. Genre is Romance/Humor with a dash of Drama. Warning of homosexuality, and slash is featured! Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and Co., and I don't make any money off of them.


The Joys of Sexual Education

Part One: Class Gets Interesting

By: Roslyn Drycof

The classroom was filled with seventh year students, their faces showing disinterest and boredom. It was the fourth week of their mandatory sexual education course, and the Slytherins and Gryffindors just wanted it to end. At first, they'd been curious. They'd heard the tales from their older classmates from years before about how fun sex ed was. But so far, there was nothing fun about it. Learning about the reproductive system and the different forms of contraception, both muggle and magical, was boring beyond belief.

Worst, though, was who taught it. It was a joint class, taught by Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall because they were the Slytherin/Gryffindor Heads of House. The teaching didn't go very smoothly, although they'd been teaching together for over a decade. It was another thing to make the students dread three o'clock every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Two hours of absolute hell.

On this particular Friday, Harry Potter sat slouched in his seat, doodling on a piece of parchment. He lent half an ear to what Professor McGonagall was talking about, not really paying attention. Only when she mentioned something that caused everyone to break out in murmured whispers did he snap his attention back to the class.

Harry looked up just in time to see Theodore Nott slam a fist on the top of his desk with a shout. "I know all I need to know about poufs! They're fags and they deserve to rot in hell for their dirtiness"

Professor Snape shot to his feet at precisely that moment with a mottled look of rage on his face. "Fifty points from Slytherin for derogatory language."

"You can't mean that" the dark-haired boy gasped, shocked.

Snape arched an eyebrow, sneering"Oh can't I? As a "fag" myself, I find your attitude quite rude. Keep your opinions to yourself or you'll find yourself with several detentions with Filch."

Nott paled, although his eyes held a burning anger at his teacher's confession. The Slytherin Head of House was a pouf? Disgusting!

The rest of the class had been watching the exchange most avidly, and Professor Snape's words had stunned them into silence.

Harry wasn't as shocked as the rest of them. He'd started up his Occulmency again during sixth year and had caught a few images from Snape's mind that had been more than a little suspicious. Seeing your teacher involved in a few late-night rendezvous with your deceased godfather when they was young was a bit incriminating, you know.

He discreetly looked around the classroom, guaging everyone's reactions of homosexuality. Most of the Gryffindors seemed to be indifferent and almost all the Slytherins had looks of pure horror on their faces. Almost all. Draco Malfoy was the exception. His look was one of faked disgust, not quite covering up the fear/anger in his silver eyes. Harry only noticed his tightly veiled emotions because he'd gotten good at reading people the past year. A good actor had to learn that skill to be successful. And Harry was a very good actor. No one knew of the young man full of doubt and suffering hidden underneath his boyish, carefree mask. His mask was the one thing he was able to pride himself on completely.

Malfoy looks like he's hiding a big secret. . .the secret of his sexuality, Harry mused silently, biting the tip of his quill thoughtfully.

Harry wasn't a stranger to that. He was a closet flamer himself. And everyone thought he was as straight as a guy could be. No one would ever suspect the truth. And to think of it, no one would dare think about Malfoy being anything other than straight either. The blond went through girls like Dumbledore went through lemon drops. . .and that was saying something. Not that Harry didn't have a string of conquests himself, although they'd all been strictly second base or less.

He was jerked out of his thoughts when Professor McGonagall stood up with a strangely Dumbledore-ish twinkle in her usually stern eyes and announced"The subject of sexual orientation and homosexuality is an important one, especially considering the number of gay students in your year. In fact, there are homosexual students in this very room."

Malfoy sneered, a blatantly disbelieving look in his eyes. It was completely faked of course, but completely expected of the Slytherin Sex God.

McGonagall caught his look and smiled condescendingly. "No, Mr. Malfoy, I am not lying. Severus and I happen to possess a keen sense of observation. There are five gay students in here at this moment in time."

What the hell? Harry felt his insides go cold. They knew? Down to the exact number? He looked over the room quickly and could instantly tell who all five were. Dean and Seamus were pretty obvious to him, although they liked to think their relationship was a secret, and Millicent Bulstrode was obviously butch. And add in Malfoy and him. . .that made five. Fuck!

McGonagall went on to begin a lecture on finding out your sexual orientation and about coming to terms with it. Most important about her lecture was her emphasis on not discriminating against homosexuals. The lesson went in one ear and flew out the other. Harry knew all about the subject. He'd spend much of his summer after fifth year reading up on it once he'd realized that he'd held a more than ordinary interest for the male form.

Class ended quietly, most students rushing to get out of the classroom. This had been their most boring and yet controversial lesson yet. They'd hated it.

Harry stood up gathering his books together, when Ron slung an arm over his shoulder. "Wonder who those other two are. I know Seamus, Dean, and Bulstrode are gay. But the other two stump me. Got a clue, Harry"

The raven-haired teen shrugged his shoulders. "Dunno. Maybe ask 'Mione. She'd probably know."

Ron frowned. "She said she doesn't have any idea. But man, I really want to know who they are."

"Why" Harry managed to sound only slightly interested, hiding the sudden thumping of his heart as he waited for his friend's answer. Please don't let him be prejudiced!

"Because it's weird. Girls are supposed to like guys, and vice versa. Not that I think badly of Seamus and Dean, of course, but you know. . .isn't the thought of two guys getting it on kind of queer"

Harry hid his hurt look excellently. "That's why they're called queers, Ron."

The redhead grinned at the quip. "Ha ha. That's great, Harry."

"I live to amuse" Harry said dryly, walking towards the Gryffindor common room with only a slight hitch in his step to betray his anxiety of the whole homosexuality topic. It hurt to know that his best friend wasn't more understanding of gays, and that most of the world held that view. . .or worse. Hadn't gays been sent to concentration camps during WWII in Germany simply because they were "freaks"?


Draco threw himself on his bed in the Head Boy's room, his stomach clenching unpleasantly. That lesson had been the worst one of his life. Talking about the one thing he had to keep secret at all costs? It had been torture! Especially when he saw everyone's opinion on it.

He'd known he was different back when he was thirteen and had noticed how attractive Potter had looked flying during a Quidditch match. At the time, it had disgusted him. Now, it still did, but only because this was Potter, his archenemy. He'd become resigned to being gay quickly, although he hated it. Why couldn't he be normal? But alas, it wasn't meant to be.

He hid it well, though. No one suspected. He'd made sure of it by immediately grabbing a girlfriend. Then another one. And another. The number of girls he'd gone out with was a mile long, or it seemed like it considering he hated each and every one simply because he couldn't find any attraction for them. Their bodies disgusted him, with their softness and squishy parts. Yuck. Guys were so much more attractive, with their hard muscles and smooth lines. He hated feeling this way.

Dinner that night was a dismal affair. He sat sandwiched between Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson, the worst homophobes he'd ever seen. And they wouldn't shut up about the stupid lesson!

"Really though, homos should be killed. They're disgusting and perverted. Seriously, up the ass? How gross" Pansy exclaimed, her face scrunched up in disgust.

Blaise nodded. "Yeah, it's really sick. Even the thought of two guys going at it makes me want to throw up."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Grow up. You're a Slytherin, things don't make you vomit."

The caramel-haired boy winced slightly at the tone of rebuke in Draco's voice. "But Draco, doesn't it make you feel ill"

Damn. How to answer this without giving anything away"Actually, the thought of Bulstrode going at it with some dyke does offend me."

And it did. But not because she was gay, but because it was Millicent Bulstrode. She was a fat cow who looked like Crabbe in a skirt. Disgusting!

Both Blaise and Pansy sniggered, their eyes looking over to a glaring Millicent sitting three seats down. The big girl had heard every word, but she couldn't say anything against Malfoy. He was the leader of the Slytherins and knew almost every Dark curse out there. Only Potter and his idiot friends were stupid enough to anger him. She sure as hell wasn't.

Taking a sip of his pumpkin juice, Draco let his silver eyes wander over the various tables assembled in the Great Hall. Nothing of interest was happening, but his gaze happened to catch on a certain figure sitting at the Gryffindor table. Potter sat there with his friends, a look of happiness on his golden face.

It's fake. He's a fucking fake. People think he's every inch the Golden Boy, but he's not. He's almost as dark as I am. And he manages to get away with everything! Damn him, Draco thought to himself, a scowl affixing itself on his aristocratic features.

How did Potter manage to fool everyone? They thought he was their faultless hero, the innocent savior who could do no wrong. How wrong they were. He'd seen Potter sometimes, wandering the corridors at night with shadows clouding his features and anger burning in his eyes like emerald fire. And the way the idiot went through girls, it was positively revolting. And yet everyone still thought he was pure and innocent? Hah! What fools!

Potter looked up and caught him looking at him. A contemplative look appeared in the Gryffindor's eyes and Draco immediately glared. He broke eye contact a few seconds later. Damn Potter. What was he thinking of? And why did it appear to involve him?

Swallowing the last bit of juice in his goblet, Draco stood and strode out of the Great Hall. This day had been hideous and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and be swept away by the oblivion of sleep.


Their next lesson was on Monday. Harry trudged into the classroom unwillingly, a scowl upon his face. His friends thought it was leftover from Potions class, where he'd lost thirty points for practically nothing. Harry saw no reason to correct their assumption.

Class started five minutes later. Both Snape and McGonagall had looks of barely supressed glee on their faces. On McGonagall, it was scary. On Snape? It was positively terrifying.

Harry slumped down in his seat, his arms crossed mutinously across his chest. He didn't like the looks of things, not at all. Two teachers who were known to be dour and stern did not just up and get happy looks of their faces for no reason. They were going to do something they thought was amusing, he just knew it. And it terrified the hell out of him. Teachers' ideas of amusing were not amusing. Not. At. All.

The Gryffindor Head of House cleared her throat and smiled at the combined class. "Good afternoon, everyone. Today is the start of our final project. It will be worth fifty percent of your grade."

She allowed a few moments for everyone to digest the importance of this, and for the groans everyone made in unison. "Professor Snape will be picking names out an enchanted hat which will choose your partners based on who will benefit most from working together. Then, both partners will reach into a different hat to choose the assignment most important for them to work on. You will have three weeks to complete the project."

Everyone groaned again. Enchanted hats were never fun. They always managed to pick the worst imaginable partners.

Snape made his way to the front of the room from where he'd been leaning against the wall. A smirk was present on his features. He pulled a tattered hat from his robe pocket and held it up. His right hand reached inside and pulled out a slip of paper. "Weasley, Granger. Expected that."

Everyone snickered at the drawling voice he used. Yes, their pairing had been expected as soon as the assignment had been announced. They were both completely in love with each other, although they were still not going out, being so thickheaded as they were.

"Finnigan, Thomas." Yet again expected.

"Zabini, Parkinson." Not so expected. The girl even pouted, her eyes looking forlornly at Draco Malfoy. She'd clearly wanted to be partnered with him.

The next pairing stunned everyone. "Potter, Malfoy."

"What"

"I refuse"

Both boys immediately responded angrily. Harry was filled with anger at the injustice of being partnered with his rival yet again, and on a stupid project in sex ed. Seriously! Why would he need to be partnered with that prat?

Malfoy's eyes burned like silver fire, his scowl black enough to murder. "I will not be partnered with that fool"

Harry turned and glared fiercely at him. "Like I want to be partnered with a git like you"

"Be quiet! You will accept you partners or fail" Snape bellowed.

They slouched back in their seats. Malfoy's eye twitched angrily. Harry's teeth ground together in an attempt to stay quiet.

Neither paid attention to the rest of the partnering. Why should they? They knew who their partner was, their partner from hell.

Then, as if their day couldn't get any worse, Snape came around only minutes later with a light blue hat with gold trimming. He pointedly glared at them, forcing them to reach into the stupid thing and pull out their assignment.

Harry's fingers accidentally skimmed across Malfoy's as he pulled his slip of paper out and gasped at the tingling feeling it produced. He jerked his hand back, the piece of paper crumpled in his hand. And looking over at the blond, Harry knew he wasn't alone in feeling that electical zap.

Scowling yet again that day, he opened up his slip and stared in growing horror at their assigment. But his horror was nothing compared to the boy's next to him.

-Your assignent is to simulate a pregancy. By the use of a spell, Draco will become "pregnant" and go through all the stages of pregnancy. It will not be a real pregnancy, but it will feel like one. In three weeks, he will "give birth" after going through several hourse of "labor". This will include the pains, but they will not really be pains, only tingles in the abdominal region. Throughout the "pregnancy", both of you will record your feelings and thoughts and any interaction between the two of you. This assignment will help to promote bonding between the two of you and give a sense of what becoming parents is like.

Harry watched Draco drop his slip of paper, his face white and his eyes flashing wildly. "You can't be serious! There is no way in hell I am going through with pregnancy, fake or not"

Mouths dropped open all over the classroom. What the heck kind of assigment was that? Especially when this was Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter we were talking about? They were straight guys, and enemies! Why would they need to know what pregnancy was like?

"Mr. Malfoy, you will go through with this assignment or be pulled from the Quidditch team. Is this understood" Professor Snape snapped, brimstone in his coal-black eyes.

The blond-haired Seeker instantly sat down, although he was clearly pissed off. But he didn't want to be pulled off the team, not when the biggest game of the season was against Gryffindor in a month.

Harry and Malfoy were forced to sit together, and they stared at their desktops with heated glares. It was a surprise their desks didn't catch on fire, their gazes were so strong. Although, the wood did grow a few degrees warmer. . .

"Draco, I will perform the spell on you now" Professor McGonagall announced, walking up to the two teenage boys.

He barely suppressed a cringe. He really, really didn't want to become pregnant, even if it wasn't real. Who would willingly put themself through that torture, even simulated"Can't Potter be the one"

She shook her head sternly. "Mr. Potter wasn't chosen by the hat to be the "mother". You were."

"Hell, don't call me that"

She didn't correct his language, instead motioning for the two boys to hold hands. Reluctantly, they obeyed. The stern teacher then told them several words to repeat in unison three times. Soon, a green light began flowing from Harry and towards Draco, who was glowing with a silver light. The green and silver light soon combined to form a golden light that gave a flare and was sucked into Draco's stomach region. Harry and Draco dropped hands, staring at the spot where the light had disappeared.

The Gryffindor Head of House smiled. "It's done. You will go through a trimester a week. Within two and a half days, you should start feeling the symptoms of morning sickness. Luckily, you'll only feel a bit nauseous and dizzy at most."

She quickly retreated, seeing the narrowing of his silvery eyes. A brave teacher she was, but sometimes the boy was a little too temperamental for her sanity.

Draco stopped glaring at her when he saw that she wasn't even recieving it. He turned to Potter and crossed his arms furiously. The idiot had a smirk on his face, a Malfoy smirk.

"Don't you dare think this is funny! I'm not letting you get off easy on this stupid assignment! As long as I'm in this disgusting condition, you're going to obey me. Understood"

"I don't think so, Malfoy. You're not really pregnant."

Draco clenched his fists and hissed"I'm going to look like it and it'll feel like it. There is no way in hell I'm letting you get the easy end of this stupid, fucking project"

Harry stared at his nemesis and had to suppress a shiver. Malfoy was angry, really angry. And it wasn't the usual anger. This was more personal. And a really pissed off Draco Malfoy who was taking this personally was not a good thing. He knew he'd be lucky to get out of this project with all his bones intact. . .if he was extremely lucky.


A/N: Just a short story my inner muse demanded that I write. The idea hit me during French class (don't ask me why) and I was driven to write it immediately. It's a bit on the weird side, but extremely funny. Okay, okay, the humor isn't that much yet. But you do see what fun can be had with this situation, don't you? Harry is going to be put through hell by Draco, and I have a stunning plot twist planned. I bet you can't wait. . .

Note on other stories: I am very sorry, but I was hit with a major dose of writers' block during my period of non-net and couldn't write anything good for Spirit of the Veela. I scrapped anything I wrote, which wasn't much. But I've suddenly been hit with inspiration, so I'll have an update for it soon! And while you wait, I have other stories which I have been able to write.