The list of things that I don't own in this story could quite possibly be made into a book the size of 'The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy' series (and if you haven't read that than you really missed out on a great read). I am not only not making any money off of this, and I'm actually more penniless than Ford Prefect, a depressing thought really.
What I do own is the story, which is (hopefully) better than Volgon poetry.
Special thanks to Campin' Carl for the spelling corrections, you're a lifesaver. And dude, just relax and try some decaf.
Very few people would be glad that their wedding had been a total disaster, as a matter of fact normal people would be just a little upset about such a thing. But since Ranma did not really have a clear idea about what 'normal' was that precisely what Ranma was feeling. The one thing he really regretted was that he lost the cure for his curse that day three months ago, but since his curse was not totally unbearable it was no big loss really.
But for everything lost there is at least one thing gained, in the case of his wedding day fiasco there were several gains in fact. The first of which was that Shampoo's claim on him was rescinded. This was due to the fact that her claim had expired rather than any personal wish. The second was that Ukyu rescinded her claim, too. This was personal since she had been harboring a secret crush on Shampoo.
The third was that the Kuno family was finally committed to Tokyo General psyche ward. The only bad thing about this, in Ranma's opinion, was that Tokyo General was not far enough away and he was lamenting the fact that there was not a psyche ward on the far side of Pluto yet to which they could be committed.
But you can't win them all.
The fourth, most important, greatest gain was that Ranma and Akane's engagement was temporarily cancelled by Nodoka. She had taken control of the family pledge, mostly to give them some breathing room. Without the continuous strain of the engagement from their two fathers they began to actually build a working friendship.
All in all it seems rather obvious why Ranma would be so happy that he even began to give Akane some proper formal training. Here is where he was even happier because Akane was now improving in leaps and bounds. But Ranma, knowing the importance of variety over both quality and quantity, started a 'martial arts study group' involving Ukoyu and Shampoo.
This, too, had some feedback. Such as the budding couple putting Akane through 'culinary training hell', and the girls putting Ranma through 'remedial academia' and courses of 'how to be a girl when you are a girl'. The results of these were too many to really list out unless you happen to have a handy warehouse full of paper. However most of the results were positive.
Three months was a long time, during which you could only go so far over the same material over and over. Especially when it involved the martial arts, so it fell onto Ranma to find new material.
Just how he was selected and talked into it was a complete mystery. In other words, the girls used the dread 'puppy dog eyes' technique. It was a devastatingly devious feminine technique against which males have no defense. Luckily for him there were no shortages of martial arts knowledge in Nerima, as a matter of fact there lived in the Tendo house an ancient master who'd very likely have such information lying about in his room.
The plan, while overly simple, was actually quite sound. It involved Ranma approaching Haposai as a girl. After making the appropriate change in gender she got into a nursemaid's outfit. It was a mostly sea green outfit, the cut of which was just a little more than 'daring'. Thankfully Nabiki was not present or she would be doing another photo shoot. It was, in fact, a day when everyone in the house was out for one thing or another.
Ranma opened the door slowly, but luck was with her today for the old dried up fossil was elsewhere. He wasn't going to be gone for long so Ranma dashed inside and grabbed any tome that was not entangled by Haposai's extensive undergarment collection and ran to her own room as quick as was possible.
The mission was accomplished and it was high time to shed the disguise. But first she wanted to feast her curiosity on these tomes she managed the swipe, besides she rather liked this outfit. She had only managed to get five tomes, but they certainly looked promising. She chose one randomly, a book that was heavy and printed in flaking golden Japanese script that read as follows: Ki Manipulation Techniques of the Silver Millennium.
She didn't know what the silver millennium was, but she felt that she hit the jackpot with the excessively thick book. The next was a rather small book that turned out to not a book at all but a small calculator-looking device that had roman lettering on it that read, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Don't Panic. Unfortunately she couldn't read English very well and neither could her friends, so it was not of much use any way. The next two turned out to be cunningly disguised Playboys, the contents of which caused the girl to get a nosebleed.
The fifth was a leather-bound book with a simple title, Clow. Beneath the title was a design the likes of which that Ranma never seen before. It was, however similar to a Shinto spirit seal. Underneath normal conditions she wouldn't get anywhere near anything that was sealed but the seal began to glow and she felt control over her body slip away.
She began to sweat as she tried to resist the spell's control over her, but Ranma's Herculean efforts were in vain.
Her body wouldn't listen to her and Ranma just knew that something bad was going to happen. And then she opened the book and she was bombarded with a blinding light. Inside the book was a compartment cut into it with a deck of large cards that looked suspiciously like Tarot cards. It was from behind these cards that the light was coming from.
Than the cards flew out of the book and began to orbit around her before streaking away faster than the eye could follow. Ranma just stood there for a moment before laughing nervously, "Well, that certainly went better than expected."
Upon inspecting the book more closely she found that not all the cards had vanished, that one had remained. On the face of the card was a teddy bear creature with small wings and long tail, beneath it was the word 'Kero'. She grasped this remaining card and it began to glow.
Ranma dropped both the book and the card, however only the book hit the floor. The card levitated and continued to glow as something began to emerge from it. It turned out to be the strange creature from the card. As shocked as Ranma was she probably would have found the tiny creature just a little more impressive if it wasn't yawning.
"Do you know what year it is?" the creature asked. Ranma scratched the back of her head, she certainly wasn't expecting anything like this. "It is 2005."
"Nani? You mean I've been asleep for three thousand years?"
"If you say so… uh, if you don't mind me asking just what are you?"
"Ah! My name is Kero, the mighty protector of the seal…" and then he seemed to realize that something was very much wrong, which of course there was. "You broke the seal, didn't you?"
"You broke the seal, what could you have been thinking!"
"Hey! It's not like it's my fault! I wasn't in control at the moment!"
"Kuso! The cards most have combined their magic power to force you to break the seal."
"And how exactly did they do that? I thought you was supposed to be the mighty seal beast and all that crap!" Ranma said, glaring at Kero suspiciously. The teddy bear creature sweet dropped nervously, "I kinda fell asleep. But not that it's important at this point. You have to recollect all 72 cards as soon as possible!"
"Who do you think I'm talking about? Whether or not you did it willingly or not, you still broke the seal, so you're the only person who can. And it's very important that you do it a soon as possible," Kero said, bringing himself up to his full height. Ranma shook her head, not really understanding, "Why? How come?"
"Right now they are only intent on causing some mischief after being cooped up for so long. But after they've had their fun it won't take them long to wreck havoc on the entire world. They aren't inherently bad, it's just that without a master to direct them they get easily confused."
"So the fate of the world rests in my hands, huh?"
"Precisely," Kero said, thinking that would convince her. After all most people could only wish that they could go on an adventure. "I'm not interested. Sorry, but I've been there already and done that, too."
"Say what? But…"
"There's nothing you can say or do that can change my mind, Kero-baka."
"Now if you'll excuse me I think I'll got take a nice, long, hot bath. I think I've had enough with being a girl for one day," Ranma said, closing the argument once and for all. And so she changed into a spare set of boxers and t-shirt and left for the restroom, leaving Kero to try to puzzle out what Ranma meant by what she had said; and for some strange reason he had a sudden feeling of foreboding.
Thirty minutes latter there was the sound of running footsteps. Ranma burst into the bedroom, wearing only a towel. She grasped Kero and shouted at him, "Okay, how'd it happen and how do you reverse it!"
"I-I do not know what you're talking about!" Kero gasped, trying just to breathe. "My curse is locked! And you better unlock it, and I mean right now!"
"I still don't know what you are talking about!"
Ranm took a deep breath and counted to ten, took another deep breath and counted to twenty. And than released Kero after realizing that it was not really his fault, after all he could not have possibly known. After taking some more deep breathes she explained the nature of her curse.
"So you're really a guy…"
"…Who changes into a girl…"
"I think I know what happened. The moment you broke the seal you were put under a contract, a magical contract. And the thing you have to know about magical contracts is that they are very specific."
"Okay, so how do you annul it?"
"You can't, not without forfeiting your soul at least. The only thing you can do is fulfill the contract, which is to go capture the cards and reseal them. All 72 of them."
"So, that's how it is."
"I'm afraid so."
Ranma nodded her head in defeat. "I guess there's nothing for it then. I'll do it then, but first… I need to know everything about the cards, everything."
"Okay it's like this…"
Three thousand years ago there was a kingdom that spanned the entire solar system and it was known as the moon kingdom. A woman by the name of Serenity ruled over this kingdom with peace and love… however the moon kingdom had many enemies that would like nothing more than to see the fall of the kingdom.
So special warriors were selected to defend the territories of the moon kingdom with one for each planet. All except for earth, though not for the lack of trying. Many warriors were selected during this time and many scientists tried and failed to bind them to the earth. And then it fell to a man named Clow Reed to try.
After several years he succeeded. By imbuing some tarot cards with earth spirits and crafting a henshin rod to access their powers he managed to create the possibility for a Sailor Earth. As he search for a warrior worthy of senshi powers, Queen Beryl attacked the moon kingdom and decimated it. Knowing that the moon kingdom would one day arise again Reed fled the destruction of the kingdom in order to protect the Clow Cards and the henshin rod.
"And that's how the story goes."
"Can I see the contract for a moment?"
Kero shrugged and then pulled out the contract from sub-space. Ranma took the magical contract and unrolled it. She studied it, but it refused to make sense to her, but that was to be expected. To bad Nabiki was not home after all, this was here area of expertise. But it was a rather explicit contract, as a matter of fact it even had…
"Kero is that…"
"You're measurements, that's right."
The contract was that specific after all…
A/N: I suppose it'll be a week or so until I complete my next chapter. This isn't due to laziness but out of the fact that I know next to nothing about Cardcaptor Sakura. Right now I'm focusing on the first battle. Until then I think I leave you all with some bloopers and stuff…
Bloopers and Deleted scenes
Blooper1: Oh, what a haul.
Ranma opened the next two books, which turned out to be some cleverly disguised Playboys. "Oh, what a haul!" the girl exclaimed, planning on keeping the Playboys and discarding the rest.
Blooper2: I wonder?
Ranma opened the next two books, which turned out to be some cleverly disguised Playboys. The first image was one with two incredibly limber, naked girls entwined with each other. "I wonder if Akane would do that with me," she said, trying to stop her nose from bleeding.
Blooper3: Lost and found.
Ranma opened one of the other two books and it turned out to be a copy of Lost and Found, written by Law-kun. It wasn't finished, however. "Oi, how lazy of him. And that's my favorite Tenchi crossover too."
The contract didn't make a whole lot of sense to Ranma and she wished Nabiki was home since this was her area of expertise. But it seemed to be rather specific, like Kero said. It even had information that she was aware of.
"Hey, what's this?" Ranma asked, pointing to a part in the contract.
"I think that's your bust size."
"Wow, I'm seriously stacked!"
Deleted scene1: In Jurian.
The first book was an incredibly worn leather-bound book written in graceful, curving lettering that was almost but not quite unlike Japanese. Ranma was pretty sure she had never seen anything like it before and she was right, for the writing had not been seen on earth before. Be that as it may she could some how read the title, which read as follows:
'Sword Techniques of the Juria Royal Family.'
Deleted Scene 2: House call.
Ranma opened the door to Haposai's room, where the evil little troll was cackling over his latest haul. He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings, a mistake that would cost him victory today. The girl strolled right on in the room, making sure her nurse's outfit couldn't be missed. And indeed, she would put a stop to traffic. "Oh Haposai, it is time for your medicine," Ranma in a low, feminine voice.
Haposai stopped and faced Ranma. For a few minutes nothing seemed to happen, and then he fell over with blood gush out his nose.