I needed to go with you for many reasons but I only did it for one ... you. As I climbed in the back of Jay's car I sat next to Ellie, we didn't really talk to each other at first but we warmed up and relaxed after that. I didn't want to really talk to anyone because I was focused on you. You were so quiet and I could see your knuckles turning white from gripping the steering wheel extremely hard. Then you started talking to Jay and though it seemed like you had relaxed you didn't and I could tell. I was quiet in the back seat just listening to your voice it was low and it gave me a sense of security just knowing that you were around. It still does to this day, I love listening to your voice. I focused on you the whole ride to your parents house. As we pulled up in the driveway I could see you tense up again. I saw the entire thing from the safety of the car. I knew that you were extremely upset about it. As you returned to the car you got in and we all followed. You just started to drive none of us knew where you were going, I was puzzled I was trying to think of where you would take us. We ended up at the Beach.
We got out of the car and went straight to the sand and played for a while. I loved the feeling of the sand on my skin it was warm and soothing. We were all enjoying our selves goofing off and just having fun with each other. But the happiness was short lived...
Your past caught up with you and none of us were ready for that neither were you. You stormed off after you had yelled walking close to the water's edge and Ellie followed you. I stood there watching the two of you talking. Jay was standing next to me trying to get my attention but I didn't even acknowledge him talking to me. I was focused on you , the way you were standing and how you were reacting to what Ellie was saying to you. I watched as Ellie started to confront you about the shooting. Your body tensed, your face got red and I could tell you were about to loose it. You weren't ready to talk about what you were feeling with her yet you started talking anyway. I was completely focused on you in those few crucial moments. I watched you head into the water... I knew it wouldn't end well.
I grabbed Jay's arm and told him to follow me as I headed down towards the water. I watched you as your body went under the water and then I panicked when you didn't come back to the surface. My heart stopped in that moment, as I watched Tyler go into the water to get you I didn't move until he was bringing you out of the water. I ran down to where you were laying on the sand, I knelt down next to you and rubbed your side to try to get you to open your eyes. All I kept saying was "Sean, wake up , Sean". I was so glad when you opened your eyes. I stayed next to you for a couple of minutes but Ellie wanted to be close to you so I got up and backed away from you. My heart ached as she took the exact place where I kneeling only a few minutes before, I felt like I was replaced and you didn't need me anymore.
I was shaken...I had freaked when I didn't see you come up for air, I knew at that point something was very wrong. I had to remind myself at least three times that you were alive, breathing , and ok for the moment. My hands were shaking and I jumped when Jay touched my shoulder. He squeezed my shoulder to reassure me. I was glad for the first time in my life that Jay was around I turned around and spoke to him through my eyes I said "Thank you". He said "Your welcome, Nature girl." And that was that Jay's moment of friendship to me and I was extremely grateful for that.
We met back up with you and Ellie. She walked back to the car and Jay disappeared magically. I walked over and sat down on the towel you followed me wasn't expecting you to follow but you did. You started to talk to me I was listening intently and then you apologized for everything that had happened between us over the past year or so. I was surprised then again I wasn't , I accepted your apology and told you it was Ancient history.
We had a moment just us locking our eyes together and see deeply into each other's very souls we knew that in that moment no matter what would happen with us that we would always have a connection. As we got up, we knew that it was time to venture back into reality but you grabbed my hand to help me get up. A small but an amazingly powerful little gesture. That reassured me in so many ways to this day.
As we all piled back into the car I knew with out asking where we were going. You had to see your parents again. I knew that no matter what though that we would always stay in touch. As you disappeared back into your house's back porch that you were finally dealing with your demons. I watched you walk out from you house I knew everything was about to change just by the look in your eye. When you said you were staying my heart broke and was happy for you all in that moment. I watched to talk with Jay and with Ellie. I didn't know if I should talk to you then or wait until later. I walked up gave you a hug and whispered in your ear " I will always be here for you Sean and my window is always open." You looked right into my eyes I knew you understood what I mean you gently kissed my forehead and said as you were backing away from me " I'll be in touch Em." As I got into the car I saw the tears that were trailing down your cheeks and I wanted to help you so bad but I just watched you. I knew I would see you again really soon. So I thought in that moment that I could live with that for the time being I would have to...
Well I finally updated ... life had gotten in the way of my writing. I am kinda still deciding what to do next so it could take awhile before my next update or i might end it here. I have some other ideas to attend to at the very moment so I'll focus on this after I write some other stuff... who knows my inspiration might spark again to continue or finish...