A/N This is a one-shot it response to WIKTT challenge for "The Worst Pick-up Line". Yeah it's lame but I thought it would be fun to do a good Valentine's day fic. And what's better is that this is going to be the first Severus/Hermione fic I've ever done. So if it sucks I'm sorry.
Warning I don't own anything you recognize from Harry Potter. And any flames sent to me will be used to roast marshmallows.
Down and Out On Valentine's Day!
It has been 2 years since Harry Potter defeated the dark lord Voldemort. Who would suspect a hero like him would be dateless on Valentine's day sitting with Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Blaise Zabini, Remus Lupin, Seamus Finnigan, and Neville Longbottom waiting for Severus Snape to get to the pub. They decided to get together since none of them had dates. Malfoy kept whining about how the Malfoy charm is slipping.
They were all sitting at the Leaky Cauldron drinking shots of fire whiskey in hopes of getting drunk and having some entertainment watching their comrades make fools of themselves. "You know mate, you maybe my best friend but I really didn't want to spend Valentine's Day with you." Ron said, with a slight slur in his speech, speaking to Harry. "I know what you mean. When do you think the girls are going to get here?" Harry asked with the same slurred speech.
Just then Lavender Brown, Parvati Patil, Padma Patil, Ginny Weasley, and some unknown girl who happens to be Hermione in disguise walked in. "Wow who is that hot brunette with Weasel's sister?" Malfoy said in a cool slurred voice. " I don't know but I've never seen her before. I'm sure I'd recognize that gorgeous face of hers if I had seen her before." Harry said in awe.
"Hiya boys!" chirped all the girls. "So Gin, who is this friend of yours dear sister?" Ron asked waggling his eyebrows at the girl who was Hermione in disguise. Hermione had to do everything in her power not to laugh. So in a light French accent Hermione introduced her self, "My name is Ana Delpy. I'm a friend of Ginny's from the ministry." The boys just stared at Ana/Hermione as if she were an angel or goddess.
The conversation remained light for some time. Then the girls excused themselves to go to the rest room. "Merlin, she is amazing!" Ron said turning red as usual. "I've got a suggestion. Or rather a proposition. I say we take a bet on this girl. Whoever is able to get a date with this girl by using their best pick-up line gets 10 galleons." Blaise said. All the boys agreed except for Remus and Seamus. Remus said he was happy being with his fire whiskey. But they all knew it was just because Remus had the biggest crush on Tonks. And Seamus didn't get in on the bet because he was interested in Lavender Brown all he did was stare at her longingly. It was quite pathetic really.
The girls walk back to the table right after the little bet was made. All of them seemed rather confident. However the funniest thing was that the girls knew what the boys were up to courtesy of the Weasley twins. How those girls greatly appreciated extendable ears. It's was amazing that the boys didn't notice the extendable ears though. But they were very drunk. Hermione/Ana prepared herself for what would definitely be an entertaining conversation.
"So Ana did it hurt?" Neville asked nervously. Hermione/Ana could have slapped herself on the forehead. She knew where this line was going. Honestly couldn't he come up with something better. Despite her annoyance she plastered on a fake smile and answered Neville "Did what hurt?" "When you fell from heaven." Neville said while stuttering uncontrollable. All the others laughed hysterically at him. Of course Neville simply blushed and dropped the subject.
The boys were smart and decided to wait a bit before trying another line considering they didn't want her to get suspicious. They began to talk about the old war. Ana/Hermione claimed she could never had done what Harry had done. She said she was simply not the hero type. Harry felt this was the best time for his line. "Ana are you sure there isn't a hero some where in you?" Harry asked flirtatiously. Ana/Hermione knew what Harry was going to say since she had heard it so much considering she was the boy's best friend. "I'm sure Harry. Why do you ask?" Ana/Hermione answered in a mock innocent tone. "Well would you like to?" Harry asked waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Ana/Hermione just gave him a look that said 'how dare you ask me something like that?'. Inside Hermione was laughing hysterically at this pathetic display. Oh boy would they be surprised later. Everyone in the meantime was laughing at Harry and saying what a pervert he was.
Draco decided he didn't want to waste anytime and decided to go for it. "So Ana can I have your phone number I seem to have lost mine." Draco drawled with false innocence. "Oh that is so original Draco." Sneered Blaise. Hermione almost had to laugh at the smirk Blaise directed at a glaring Malfoy. If looks could kill Draco would be beyond dead. Everyone was kind of scared of Draco so they didn't laugh at loud but, boy did they have a hard time keeping it in.
Then Ron decided to try his luck at this seemingly unimpressed beauty in front of him. "So Ana I like that dress you're wearing. It would look even nicer rolled up in ball near my bed." Ron said turning tomato red. Ginny slapped her brother on the back of his head before saying, "You retard, she isn't wearing a dress. As you can see she is wearing jeans and blouse." They all laughed at him. Even Hermione/Ana laughed hysterically. It seemed to the boys as if no one could get to this girl. None of them seemed to realize that they were using the worst pick-up lines of all time.
Then Blaise decided that since he was the only one involved in the bet that hadn't had is go would take his turn at trying to impress the gorgeous woman. "Are you Jamaican Ana because you're Jamaican me crazy!" Blaise said with a devilish smirk. And they all busted out into insane laughter because it was the corniest one that had been used all night.
It's easy to say that all the boys were definitely sad that none of them had won the bet. Just then the very tardy Severus Snape sauntered into the pub. Hermione/Ana had to restrain herself from laughing because this is where her plan comes into action. I bet your wondering what this is plan is. Well this plan was just an intricate way to let the boys know that she was dating Snape. She thought that if she did it like this they wouldn't be angry. Yes they would be grossed out but oh well she didn't care about that. In fact she couldn't wait to see their reactions. And because of the little bet the boys made she decided to use that to her advantage. When she and the girls went to the rest room Hermione/Ana called up Sev and told him what the boys had done. He thought it was really funny as well.
Any way he made her promise to record what the boys had said just so he could have a nice laugh at their expense. Well he decided that when he got there he would give Ana/Hermione the worst pick up line he could think of. Then she would jump in his arms and give him an earth-shattering kiss. Oh how it was already coming together.
Well back to the story. Severus sat down beside Ana/Hermione and greeted everyone in his usual brooding, snarky manor. "So who might you be?" Severus asked Ana/Hermione in a slight sneering voice. "I'm Ana Delpy a friend of Ginny's." Ana/Hermione answered with her lips twitching into a smile.
This was going to be good Hermione/Ana thought. Just then Ginny gave her the signal for the girls to excuse themselves to the restroom once again so Severus could join in on the bet. After the girls left Harry explained to Severus about what had happened previously. Severus had to do everything in his power not to laugh at Potter. "So Potter, you idiots have been trying to win this girl over with petty pick-up lines. I would have thought you were above this Draco." Severus concluded while looking at Malfoy in a disapproving stare.
"Well we would like to include you in on the bet if you aren't too scared my dear former professor." Blaise said while shooting Severus a smirk. Severus answered with venom dripping from every word "I will take you up on this bet. Watch a real man work you pathetic losers." Just then the girls came back to the table and sat down in their respective chairs. The only difference was that Lavender was sitting on Seamus's lap making out with him. Ginny was also flirting up a storm with Harry. The Patil twins had Draco and Ron in their sights.
"So Ana, if I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?" Severus said in his husky voice. Ana/Hermione gave him a dazzling smile and leapt onto Severus's lap and passionately kissed him. "What! And that is the lamest line out of all the ones we used. How did he do it?" Blaise asked seething in anger. Just then when Hermione/Ana pulled away from Severus she was Hermione. They all looked on, with the exception of the girls, in horror and surprise.
"What? I don't understand. I'm confused!" Trembled Neville. Then Hermione and Severus explained to them what happened. It's safe to say that all the boys were very embarrassed. Severus and Hermione decided it would make great blackmail and would definitely use it against them if they didn't get up and do karaoke with them right then and there. Even though the boys were hesitant they agreed.
And as our happy ending all of our characters got up and sang "We Go Together" from Grease.
A/N This was a fun challenge. I can't say I did a great job but it was fun. I hope you enjoyed it. Please RR.