All on Black

Rating: G

Genre: General

Summary: The individual Sortings of the last generation of Blacks, as I see it.

Disclaimer: None of these lovely characters are mine, most unfortunately.


Well, hello there, girl. A Black, are we?


It's been a while since I've had a Black to sort. Let's see…

Oh, honestly, it can't be that difficult. Hurry up.

Patience, dear, patience.

I don't like waiting.

You cannot always rush things in life, you know. Patience is—

A virtue, and one I haven't got. I know. Speed things up, Hat.

Aren't we sassy today? You're certainly bold and self-confident like a Gryffindor, but you wouldn't do well there. Not at all. Not enough chilvary, I suppose. Hufflepuff? Oh, lord, no… no, Hufflepuff wouldn't do at all. You're dreadfully loyal to whatever cause you align yourself with, but you haven't got the congenial streak—

You mean I'm not a pushover. Hufflepuffs are pathetic, wimps.

Take it as you like. Hmm… yes, I see it now. A strong mind; you're very bright. A load of magical potential, I see… you're going to be powerful. Perhaps Ravenclaw?

No Ravenclaw. Ravenclaw's for geeks and bookworms. Slytherin.

Slytherin… hmm. Ambitious, conniving, driven...Yes, I see it now; you are a Black. You take pride in your blood, don't you?

More than anything else.

Very well. You're a Black at heart, and there's only one place for you, dear. You'd only belong in…




The second Black in two years, I see.

Why, yes. Bellatrix is my sister.

I supposed as much. She was a classic Slytherin.

I know. My parents have never been prouder.

I suppose so. She was very much like her ancestors.

I know.

Enough about her; I have a job to do, after all. What have we here…? Hmm…no, not Gryffindor, I see; you aren't bold enough, I'm afraid. Brave when you need to be, but you haven't got the confidence. You'd feel misplaced, I think. Talented, studious, quiet… Ravenclaw, perhaps? Oh, my, loyalty – strong loyalty... and kindness, compassion …plenty of it. You haven't got the common prejudices that run in pureblooded families nowadays. My dear, you could be a Hufflepuff.

Miss Hat… please put me in Slytherin.

Slytherin? Why Slytherin? Of all houses, you belong least in Slytherin.

I need to be in Slytherin.


They want me to be.

They want you to be? Does it really matter what they want? Do you want what they want? You're different than they are. You aren't like your sister.

It doesn't matter. I want to be in Slytherin.

Are you sure? You wouldn't fit in. You aren't as conniving as they are. It's in Hufflepuff you'll find the people most like you, the people you'll get along with best.

I don't care. Please put me in Slytherin. It will make things so much simpler.

Are you sure, girl?


Very well. If you haven't the desire to break away from your family yet, I shan't make you; you will do it on your own one day. Good luck.

Wait, what-



Another Black girl?


Let's have a look. Self-confident, I see, but not exceedingly brave; nobility is not your strength. You aren't a Gryffindor.

Of course not.

Hmm. A sense of general apathy, no remarkable loyalty to speak of, apart from loyalty to your family. Hufflepuff is not for you.

Of course not.

You're a bright girl, a decent amount of talent… Ravenclaw, perhaps? …No, never mind. You won't be focused enough on your work. You'll be focusing on other things, won't you? Slytherin, on the other hand… plenty of honor, pride, a decently acidic tongue… and what's this? A fear of disappointing your parents?

I don't want to end up like my cousin.

Your cousin?

Yes. You'll be sorting him in just a moment. He's dreadful; everyone in the family hates him except Uncle Alphard, but Uncle Alphard's crazy and no one likes him, either. I don't want to be like him. I don't want everyone to hate me. I want to be like Bellatrix. Everyone loves Bellatrix.

Yes, I see it. A natural desire for acceptance. Fair enough, I know where you belong. You'd best go join your sisters.



I've been seeing a lot of you Blacks recently.

That's most unfortunate. I apologize. We Blacks have a tendency to be unbearable.

Nonsense. I like looking into your heads. They're fascinating.

Suit yourself.

Oh dear. You are different, aren't you?

I like to think so.

Well well well. You're brilliant, yes, oh, and exceptionally talented… Ravenclaw?

Ravenclaw sounds boring.

No, of course not. Ravenclaw would never do. You aren't the studious type and you haven't much respect for the rules. You've plenty of self-confidence, bravery, charisma, and…loyalty. Oh my. Immense loyalty, should someone earn it. Perhaps Hufflepuff—

Hufflepuff? My mother would skin me alive if I were in Hufflepuff.

No, I'm not sure you're hard-working enough for Hufflepuff, in any case…although you could be, if you set your mind to it. Hmm. What about Slytherin?

That'd be the crowd pleaser.

You don't belong there.

No? I am a Black, in case you've forgotten.

No need for sarcasm. You don't honestly want to be a Slytherin, do you?

No, not in the least, but I guess it'd be one less way I'm a complete failure.

You won't be a failure.

My parents would beg to differ.

On the contrary, in the right crowd, you'd be quite an asset. With support, you'll do great things.

Trust me, my family will not be supporting me any time soon.

I wasn't referring to your family. There will be others…others who will earn that loyalty of yours.

Others like who?

Now, that would be cheating. But I'm sure you'll find people of the like in


Yeah. Definitely going to skin me alive.




You're the last for a while, aren't you?



Oh. …Yes, I guess. How—

I can tell. You're nervous, because you're the last and everyone's waiting to see if you'll be like your cousins or like your brother. Isn't that right?

I guess.

I suppose we shouldn't keep them waiting. Hmm… you're smart enough, I suppose—

I don't want to be a Ravenclaw.

No. No, you don't, and you wouldn't belong there, in any case. Hufflepuff? Hmm… well, you've got loyalty… and that loyalty is pulling you apart, isn't it?


You aren't sure whether you should be loyal to your parents or to your brother, are you? No, you needn't answer that. Let's see… you aren't quite cut out to be a Slytherin. You aren't quite ruthless enough.

Andromeda isn't ruthless.

No, she isn't, but she isn't cut out to be a Slytherin, either. As for Gryffindor… you haven't the bravery. You aren't particularly bold, are you? That's part of why you don't want to disappoint your parents.

I want to make them happy.


…Because they're my parents?

You're impressionable, I see. Wherever I put you will shape what you become. You may not have the courage to stand up against your parents on your own, but if I put you in Gryffindor, it would be done for you. It would be a shove in that direction.

If you put me in Gryffindor my family will hate me.

Not all your family. Your brother would side with you. If you I put you in Slytherin…

Sirius will hate me.

You can never please everyone, I'm afraid. You can't be loyal to both sides, my boy. You don't make your own decisions particularly often, do you?

No, I guess not. Decisions are usually made for me.

I'm giving you the chance to make your own decision now. I see you are torn in both directions. I see the dilemma, but I think this is a decision that you must make yourself. Which will it be, child?


Slytherin. I choose Slytherin. Please my parents. Sirius has always hated me.

Are you sure?

No, but put me in Slytherin anyway.

Figure out where your loyalties lie, my boy. That is the best advice I can offer you. It may cause you difficulties in the future.



What a peculiar family.