A/N: Glad you guys are enjoying this. Here is the first letter for you .

Chapter 2: Scott's Letter


I want it known that this was all John's idea. I had just been going to buy you that new swimsuit you've had your eye on (its in a box under your bed by the way), but John said it needed to be meaningful. For some reason meaning is important to him.

I'm supposed to tell you what you are to me. Well, Gordo, you are the most obnoxious, stubborn, and misbehaved teenager I've ever met. You also happen to be the most selfless, compassionate, and fun loving boy I've ever had the pleasure to know. I wouldn't change you for the world.

My first memory of you is when you were born. I'm sure Grandma has told you over and over what a little miracle you are. She's right you know. I remember you with your amazingly bright red hair tucked in an incubator having machines breath for you. The doctors were sure you would die, but your personality showed through even then. When you make up your mind it does not change. Ever.

You lived through that one, and through the next several years you've had scare after scare. You've had more near death experiences than the rest of us combined. After you got home from the hospital by Christmas time you were back in with pneumonia. By the time you were three you'd been in the hospital at least three times for three different sicknesses.

The most clear memory I have of your near death experiences is of the time I nearly killed you. Do you remember that, Gordo? I still haven't forgiven myself for that. I was ten and I loved ice-skating, but I hated it when I had to drag my little brothers with me. We left you behind, and by the time you'd caught up you hadn't heard the warning that the ice toward the middle was thin. I hit a puck out there accidentally, and you went to go get it for me.

I will never forget the sound of you crashing through the ice. That moment plays through my head in my nightmares consistently. I tried so hard to get to you, but three of my friends held me back while the other two ran to get Father. Father pulled you out and you were blue lipped and unconscious. I rode with Father to the hospital, crying harder than I ever had before. I only wanted you to be okay, and if you'd died then I don't know what I would have done.

Do you know what though, Gordon? The part that kills me isn't what I'd done. It wasn't even Father telling me it was my fault. What kills me each time is what you said when you woke up and saw me standing by your bed. Keep in mind this is a direct quote. What you said was "I'm sorry I didn't get the puck for you, Scottie. You'll never wanna' play with me ever again." When you're ten years old that is the last thing you want to hear your little brother say. It's traumatizing, and also something I would expect John to say. On second thought, no I wouldn't. John, gentle as he is, probably wouldn't have said anything to me for a week.

Your hydrofoil accident was another time I was terrified I was going to lose the only thing that can always make me laugh. You looked so small attached to all those tubes. I was so afraid that after all this time we'd finally lost you, but yet again your stubborn side saved your ass. You just don't know when to quit do you, Gordo? I've never known you to.

You never gave up with girls either! I remember your first girlfriend. If Dad didn't tell you thousands of times that you would meet someone you loved more than Susan and that she was just using you I'm a fried egg. You didn't listen to a word he said, though, and in the end you got burned. Poor little Gordie, you really bit off more than you could chew that time. The rest of us saw it coming a mile away, because senior girls don't usually date sophomore boys, but no. You refused to listen and in the end you moped for two months pining for her. That's one thing about you Gordon, anything you love its with a passion. Just thinking about you and your passion for things gives me a headache.

For example, your passion for swimming. You weren't really introduced to it as a sport until you were a freshman. Dad said that he could take you to practice everyday so you couldn't do it. You, however, came up with a better idea. You walked from practice everyday, despite what you told Grandma. I know you did because you were exhausted, but you loved it. It was your passion, your fulfillment. When Dad found out you had joined against his direct orders his was furious, but that never bothered you. Then he went to one of your meets, and after that we had our own pool for you to practice in. Dad's always been good at helping us when we really love something.

Probably why Dad has always spent more time with you than even me. He supports our passions, our dreams, and you have a lot of them. I swear you have ADD because every time I turn around you're into some new thing or doing some new project. It makes me tired just thinking about it! I could never be so enthusiastic about so many things at once!

Anyway, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you're great the way you are, Gordon. Don't think that you're not something special, because you are. You're the only one I know who can make us laugh, is brave enough to go down hundreds of feet under water, and live each day like there is something in it worth living. You're the best Gordon, and don't you dare ever forget it.

With Love from you big Brother,