DISCLAIMER: They are not mine. Not even the idea of a letter is mine. Nor is the special parchment. I just wrote the thing, I didn't create it.
WARNING: This is so very hypocritical but I have to put it in anyway. There is slash in this fic! Everyone shield their eyes from such horrible sights! Get a life. If you don't like slash, don't read it!
Sirius had simply sat down to write his History of Magic essay. He really, truly had intended to get out the ancient tomb Remus had told him he would need and put quill to parchment and start writing about Goblin Wars.
He did, he really truly did.
But instead, other thoughts had started in on his consciousness and he had found it a bit hard to think about Gilderhard the Golden when other golden things kept intruding into his mind.
Golden things like golden eyes and golden hair.
So instead of scrabbling madly in his book bag for parchment because he had was inspired by a particular piece of history, he was scrabbling madly in his book bag for a piece of parchment to scribble down these absentminded thoughts.
Dearest Moony, he began, although he didn't really want to write a letter to his friend,
I was just thinking about Gilderhard the Golden when instead I thought of you.
He hoped it wasn't a bad thing that he related Remus to a Goblin.
I was thinking of the way you looked at me this morning. I know you didn't realize you were doing it, but I felt as though I had been split in two. You see, you looked at me with that reproachful look on your face that tells me you disapprove. So that's why I sat down to the History of Magic essay.
Only now I'm sitting here with a quill in my hand and parchment stretched out before me with that ruddy great pillar of a book that you insisted I use, and all I can think of is you.
I have discovered that when trying to write an essay, this is not an entirely helpful thing.
But then I don't seem to be able to do much but think of you just lately and it's becoming a bit of a problem. You see, even when you don't realize it, I am watching you. Your smile makes my stomach go 'wahey, he's smiling' and your frown makes me go 'oh no, he's frowning, what have I done?'
When you look at me, Remus, I find that sometimes it's really hard for me to speak and think logically. Please don't give me that look that says 'Padfoot, you never think logically', because for once I'm trying to be serious. Okay, yes, you can give me that look that says 'That was a really bad pun, Sirius.'
But I'm not actually succeeding in getting very far with telling you what I am thinking. You have that effect on me, you know. Well, actually you probably don't know, which is why you don't realize that the nonsensical buffoon I am around you isn't actually who I really am. Sometimes, on the rare occasion when I'm not around you, I am actually an intellectual human being.
You see, Moony, the light, airy feeling I get around you is unbelievable. I don't think it's entirely natural or very safe. Because when I'm feeling all airy, all I want to do is kiss you and I don't think you'd like that very much. So please, please stop taunting me with your beautiful hair, your deep eyes and your red lips. I know you don't want to hurt me, but making me see all those things and being unable to touch you hurts me.
I still haven't said what I want to say, Remus. I wish you would stop distracting me. Stop making me think of the way my skin ignites when you brush past me after class, or the way I'm all giddy when you grin that oh so mischievous smile or the way you walk into the room after studying and you wear that studious schoolboy look and I just want to corrupt you right there and then. And sometimes, dearest Moony, when you're transforming, I sneak in and watch you, because I want you to know – because I know you can sense it – that you're not alone. The thought of you being alone, Moony, or thinking you're alone, is enough to make me want to cry – and you know I never do that.
And – Remus, you've done it again! All I have told you is how wonderful you make me feel and not told you what I meant to. Because as wonderful as I feel when you're near me, I feel threefold that emotion in the negative when you're far from me or when I muse on the fact that you don't feel the same. That part isn't pleasant, Remus. Everything about you is pleasant, everything about being near you is pleasant, holding you is pleasant, hugging you when you think it doesn't mean anything and saying 'I love you' as though it's strictly platonic is pleasant.
Which, I have to confess, it is not.
So now it seems as though I'm about to say what I intended to say in the first place, because in my ineloquent way, I have worked my way around to it. It's your influence, Moony, you shake me right up.
But I am going to say it right now.
Remus John Lupin, I am terribly, utterly, absolutely, completely, wildly, insanely but resolutely in love with you.
There, I actually managed to get it out. It looks so stark on paper, so unemotional, but it's not. It's something that has been brewing inside of me for what seems like ages and now it's there on paper. I hope you never see this because I don't want to screw up our friendship like I know you knowing this about me will do.
So please, just stop being so irresistible, so beautiful, so charming, so witty, so intelligent, so attractive, so … you, and let me live in peace.
Sirius Padfoot Black
Sirius stared at the parchment, carefully reading over his pronouncement, wishing he could sound so eloquent and rational when he spoke to Remus in person.
Then he sighed and folded the parchment up, tucking it under the huge tomb of 'The Idiots Guide to Goblin Wars' and starting on his essay.
A few moments later, however, a thought occurred to him and he slipped the small piece of parchment out from under the book, intending to add a P.S.
He nearly froze in shock when he realized the parchment was blank.
He searched frantically through his bag, seeking the allusive love letter and panicked when he didn't find it. He was just turning back to stare desperately at the parchment he knew he had written on when it occurred to him.
He slowly picked up the offending parchment and unfolded, searching for what he had missed before in his hasty attempt to write everything down.
There, in the corner, was the small 'M' that signified the Marauders.
Oh, bloody f hell.
He had just written down his private thoughts on the message parchment he had and the other Marauder's shared. They had invented it so that they could successfully communicate in the more boring of their classes and not get caught by their teachers. The ink erased itself minutes after it was written, and no teacher had so far thought to check for spells. (A/N Sorry, I forgot the specific spell name – Snape uses it in PoA)
That sole thought was Sirius' one desperate hope.
If Remus – or anyone else – hadn't been reading the letter at the exact moment it had been written – or shortly after – then there was a good chance it wouldn't have been discovered.
He dearly hoped that would be the case.
And yet … he did somehow hope that Remus had read the letter and would fling open the dorm room doors and proclaim his undying love for him, Sirius. He allowed himself the one minute fantasy of recounting the story of their get together to Lily and James' friends many years from now, with Remus gazing fondly at him from beside him.
Then he gave himself a rude awakening and told himself harshly in no uncertain terms, that Remus was straight and wasn't interested in Sirius like that.
He groaned and rested his head heavily in his left hand and picked up his quill, flipping the huge tomb open reluctantly and starting in on the troublesome essay that had started the problem in the first place.
He hadn't gotten much further than 'Gilderhard the Golden was one of the major influences in wizarding society because of his …' when he heard the door creak open and his stomach plummeted as he was brought back to the realization that someone could have read his passionate letter.
His stomach sunk to the centre of the earth when Sirius realized that the person who had entered was none other than the subject of his passionate letter. He pretended to concentrate on his essay, although his eyes were focused on the word 'ravishing' and he was actually paying painful attention to every move of his friend's.
"Here you are, Sirius." Remus said. "I've been looking all over for you."
"Really?" Sirius asked, his voice cracking a little. "Why?"
"Oh, no reason." Remus told him cheerfully, hiking himself up onto the desk that Sirius was working at. "I just read something really interesting a few minutes ago and I thought you might be able to help me understand it."
Oh, dear Merlin, he knows. Sirius thought desperately, and then tried to console himself with the thought that Remus did study a lot, maybe there was something he didn't understand …? But he knew that was a vain hope. There was nothing Remus didn't understand.
"Yes?" Sirius asked, his voice strangled. "What might that be?"
Remus regarded him silently for a moment, his legs swinging slightly.
"Well, let me read it to you." He said, taking a piece of parchment out of his pocket and unfolding it, smoothing it carefully. "Dearest Moony." He read. "I was just thinking about Gilderhard the Golden when instead I thought of you." He paused and raised an eyebrow. "I hope there wasn't meant to be any physical resemblance." He mused. "The author might have noticed that Gilderhard the Golden dressed entirely in solid gold and was as ugly as the golden goose's … er … derriere." He waited for a response and as he received none, he continued. "I was thinking of the way you looked at me this morning. I know you didn't realize you were doing it, but I felt as though I had been split in two. I'm not entirely sure how I managed that, but I feel pretty gratified."
He again waited for a response, but Sirius was still steadfastly staring down at the huge tomb, only now his eyes had fixed on 'excruciating'. He was doing his very best to pretend he wasn't there.
"I'll skip to the more interesting part." Remus promised, amusement in his voice at Sirius' lack of reaction and obvious discomfort. "Um … all I can think of is you … light, airy feeling … studious schoolboy look and I just want to corrupt you right there and then … Padfoot, do you have any idea who could have written this?"
Sirius wordlessly shook his head.
"So now it seems as though I'm about to say what I intended to say in the first place." Remus continued. "Remus John Lupin, I am terribly, utterly, absolutely, completely, wildly, insanely but resolutely in love with you."
Sirius gave a short, injured moan at this and dropped his head onto the desk.
"Oh, wait, Sirius, it gets better." Remus promised, and read the last, incriminating line. "Yours forever, Sirius Padfoot Black." He finished reading and folded the parchment back up, slipping it back into his pocket. "Now I'm left to wonder why someone would write such an explicit letter and sign your name to it. I would also like to know why it was in your handwriting and written on the parchment only we Marauders are in possession of."
"I thought it faded away after a few minutes." Sirius said hoarsely, his first sentence since Remus had started his recitation.
"It does." Remus assured him. "But I had the peace of mind to copy the letter onto a non magical piece of parchment so that I could read it again and again at my leisure." He leaned forward and soon his head was directly next to Sirius', which was still buried in the desk. "Sirius, look at me."
Sirius didn't move.
"Sirius, look at me."
Sirius suddenly flipped his head over to face Remus on the table, his face flushed and aggravated.
"What, Moony, what? Just tell me you hate me and be done with it."
"Actually, there are other things I'd like to do first." He said.
Sirius groaned. Was Remus going to torture him in horrific ways? Maybe make him be nice to Snivellus?
"Like what?" Sirius demanded weakly.
Remus slipped off the table and kneeled next to the mortified boy. He rested his hand gently on Sirius' head and forced his head upwards, his hand fingers sliding into the dark hair it found there.
Sirius' eyes widened as Remus' fingers gently stroked the warm scalp underneath his hair and another hand found its way towards Sirius' nape and stayed there, a gentle presence on his flushed neck.
A mischievous look fixed itself on Remus' face, although if Sirius had been in any frame of mind to notice, he would realize that nothing except pure tenderness was evident in his eyes. Remus leaned forward and brushed soft lips against Sirius' cheek, pressed gently into the skin.
The touch sent tiny sparks flying off Sirius and Remus smiled against his cheek.
"Guess you were right about the ignition of your skin, huh?" He whispered and then moved his mouth downwards towards his jaw, gently tasting the sensitive skin there.
Sirius shivered with the contact, unwillingly giving himself over to this blissful torture.
"Remus …" Sirius whispered. "Please, just either kiss me or punch me, but don't torture me."
Remus pulled back slightly and grinned.
"I choose option A." He said and moved forward, finally pressing his lips to Sirius', causing more fireworks to escape.
Remus was an untrained kisser, he didn't know how to do anything but put his lips in Sirius' reach and hope Sirius knew what to do.
Fortunately Sirius did, and didn't waste any opportunity doing so. Once Remus' lips were firmly attached to his, Sirius could not control his reactions any more and he had to take Remus. He opened his mouth and forced Remus to do the same, letting his tongue flicker out and enter places Sirius knew where all but untouched.
He felt no small sense of satisfaction as Remus moaned against the kiss and leant forward, pushing himself further into Sirius' grasp. Sirius grabbed the other boy's shoulders and pulled him up from the floor, levelling their heights.
Sirius' lips enclosed over Remus', his lips capturing Remus' top while Remus took possession of his bottom. Sirius felt Remus let go of his neck and felt his hands wandering elsewhere.
Now being aware of where the boundaries lay, Sirius let his own nimble fingers make short work of Remus' buttons and his hands slipped into the boy's hair, messing up the fine locks that harboured there.
"You write a mighty fine letter, Padfoot." Remus murmured a few moments later, his hands in Sirius' hair.
"Thank you my dearest Moony." Sirius replied, grinning. "Thank goodness you happened to be reading at the time."
"Actually, if you hadn't been writing a damn sight faster than me, you probably would have gotten your own love letter." He said, kissing Sirius' cheek again.
Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, really? How did it go?"
"I'll show you later." Remus growled and threw himself back on an unresisting Sirius.
Sometimes letters are a very, very good thing.
There, last fic of the weekend. Inspired by a great fic called 'Ultimatum' by Marauder. It was great. So thanks to all who reviewed 'Doing the dishes', I appreciate it, really!