Fun in Cyberspace
Disclaimer: The only things in this fic I own are Togepi and Kadabra's mental states o.O
Dedication: To Butterfree (Dragonfree) for giving me such an ego boost for your comments on this fic. It was much appreciated - I just hope Yami likes it as much as the original :)
Author's notes: I've been wanting to do this for a while but never seemed to have the time; I wanted to put up some of my earlier fics (that is, pre-Lair of Insanity) at but a) My writing has greatly improved and b) They're in script form, which isn't allowed under the annoying rules. So I'm catching two Swablu with one Pokéball and revising this one at once!
(random Swablu thing copyright to Sarah)
Anyway, Sarah the Swinub set me a challenge: I have to fit all twenty of the below sentences into a short Pokémon fic. Sheesh… this will not be easy…
1. There's a fork in my eye!
2. ..., your head fell off!
3. Nooo! The bins are coming!
4. My brother can fit 30 grapes in his mouth at once!
5. I have some Sunflora in a vase.
6. PLEASE tell me that is lemon juice!
7. Uh… ..., wearing ketchup on your head went out of fashion years ago.
8. Is it possible to commit suicide with a dictionary?
9. Chess does not involve the postal service.
10. It is I, Omlette the cheese Danish!
11. Tom Jones is a robot!
12. Nine vertical pies.
13. Dance in front of the town hall with teacups and biscuits.
14. I have an uncle who can sneeze the national anthem.
15. Okay, who ate all the supplies, I know it was you!
16. Destroy. All. Living.
17. I didn't know it was possible to mutate into a textbook. Interesting.
18. ... ate all my clothes!
19. Watcha gonna do? You are made of fluff and you cuddle Jigglypuff!
20. It wasn't me! It was that rock! Look at the evil glint in its eye!
This should be interesting…
Also, I use ideas from that episode of The Simpsons: Homer3 (actually, Homer 'little "cubed" sign', but my computer is deciding no to have that under "symbols"). I love that episode!
NOTE: Not really important, but I just tweaked it around, editing some typos and stopping Pichu's gender from changing halfway though. The usual.
Anybody looking out from the National Mirage Island International Airport on the sunny yet breezy day on which our story takes place would never dream of the amazing adventure that a group of seven unsuspecting Pokémon would unintentionally embark on. A small ANA plane cut its way through the cumulus clouds lining the otherwise unmarred sky before dipping its left wing in order to swing right and draw its way toward the tiny airport.
Upon landing, the Pokémon on board the plane departed, collected their luggage and left the airport, hoping for a relaxing and undisturbed break from their contract with Nintendo to star in games and TV shows left, right and center. And where more perfect for a peaceful vacation than Mirage Island?
"Whew, we're finally here!" said Pikachu, a yellow mouse Pokémon with bright red cheeks and a lightning bolt-shaped tail, who was wearing a pair of sunglasses on his head. "Those plane journeys take forever!"
"And the food was absolutely horrible!" declared a green Pokémon with a large bulb on his back, a Bulbasaur, struggling to pull along his suitcase.
"Watcha gonna do? You are made of fluff and you cuddle Jigglypuff!" sang an even smaller mouselike Pokémon, with big ears and a black ruff around her neck. She had decided to let the others bear her luggage, and was carrying only a plushie Cleffa.
"What on earth are you talking about?" asked Bulbasaur.
"That's what we'd all like to know." sighed Squirtle, a Pokémon bearing a close resemblance to a turtle, who was pushing along a trolley of luggage. "How'd I get landed with all this stuff, anyway? Half of this isn't even mine!"
"Maybe we should get some help…" wondered Pikachu aloud as they passed the shops you get airports, selling duty-free stuff.
"Yeah." agreed Totodile, a crocodile-esque Pokémon, who was struggling under about four suitcases, most of which contained peanut butter due to his obsession with the gooey brown substance. Oh, wait. That was probably a bad description.
"Maybe we should ask him." said Charmander, a fire lizard who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses (he was looking forward very much to the trip), pointing to a Kadabra dressed in the Airport staff uniform and was muttering to himself while sweeping the floor.
"Excuse me," said Squirtle, walking over to the cleaner.
The Kadabra did not look up. "I see things…" he muttered in a slightly high-pitched and fast voice.
"What things?" asked Bulbasaur, intrigued, while Squirtle was backing away, fearing for the Kadabra's sanity.
"Do you think you could give us a hand?" asked Charmander politely, pointing to all the luggage they were carrying and/or pushing.
"So many things…"
"Uhh…" Pichu murmured, disturbed.
"Are you okay?" Togepi asked, wandering over to the Pokémon, who was now hunched up over his dustpan pushing a few wrappers that were lying discarded on the floor into it using his spoon, muttering dryly. Then, suddenly, the Kadabra leaped up, ripping off his uniform and floating a few feet from the ground. "I know you!" he shrieked in a frenzied voice, pointing an accusing finger directly at Togepi. "You're the angel of death aren't you?"
Togepi decided that now would be a good time to back away slowly, while maintaining eye contact at all times. "Um, no…"
"NOOOO! THE BINS ARE COMING!" Kadabra screeched in his voice, which sounded like that of an old lady on steroids (no, I do not know any old ladies on steroids, it just seemed like an accurate simile), and it may have been funny, were the Pokémon not scared out of their wits, before running into the terminal, clutching his spoon with one hand, his head with the other.
The Pokémon stared.
"Well; that was disturbing." Squirtle said emotionlessly.
"I'll say." muttered Charmander. "How about we get out of here as fast as possible. He might come back."
"Yeah." nodded Pikachu, Bulbasaur and Totodile simultaneously, as they headed quickly toward the automatic doors, the exit of the airport.
"What kind of an airport would hire that kind of loony?" Charmander asked by way of conversation.
"I have no idea," replied Pikachu as if he were wondering that exact same thing.
"Well all we've got to do now is find our bus and get off at the right stop" said Bulbasaur, "and I can't see why we'd have a problem with that." He said as they passed through the automatic doors, expecting to feel cool breezes and sunshine. Instead, there was nothing.
All of the Pokémon stopped. Except Togepi, occasionally referred to by the others as "egghead" (of course, in the nicest possible way), who was too busy talking animatedly to Pichu that he continued walking and collided sharply with Squirtle's rear. Then, upon looking ahead, he, too, stared open-mouthed at the scene before him.
Or rather, the lack thereof.
Looking around, the Pokémon saw a huge emptiness. There was nothing but white, even though there was no apparent light source, the Pokémon could still see each other. They, however, had no shadows, shading or outlines, they were merely shapes in the fathomless white space. They looked at one another; even more scared than after the incident with Kadabra.
"Let's go back." Pikachu said, sounding scared.
The others simply nodded. They turned around and were about to rush back inside the airport when they realized something: there was no airport.
"What the heck!" screamed Squirtle, looking down to see what he was standing on to see only more whiteness. "What is this; the Matrix?"
"It really looks like it." nodded Charmander, who looked like he'd seen a ghost. Actually, he looked worse, since Pokémon weren't really all that afraid of Ghost-type Pokémon. But that's irrelevant.
"Arrrgghhh!" screamed Togepi, running off into the cavernous 'space' that they were inexplicably in.
"Come back!" Pikachu shouted after him.
"What does it matter?" Bulbasaur asked, "it's not like he'll get lost."
The Pokémon tried (and failed) to make sense of their situation, and resigned themselves to watching Togepi running around, trying to throw himself at a wall or something, but never hitting anything.
"This is almost as bad as the last time we went on holiday." Pikachu sighed.
"Why? What happened?" asked Pichu, having not been present at the time.
"He," Pikachu jerked his head at Togepi, "went mental and began destroying everything in his path because he didn't have any watermelon."
"Sounds like the egghead I know." Pichu muttered.
"And then-" Bulbasaur was cut off by a loud squelching noise that came from seemingly nowhere. Everybody, excluding Togepi, turned around to see what had made the noise.
"Ack! Bulbasaur, your head fell off!" Totodile squealed in a very girl-like manner, recoiling in the horror of seeing his friends' head looking up at him from the non-existent floor.
"I noticed." said Bulbasaur's head dryly from its new place on the floor.
The Pokémon stared.
Suddenly, Bulbasaur's face was contorted with pain. "Oh, pie that hurt… oh that hurt..." Bulbasaur mumbled from the ground, his eyes wincing in anguish.
"Why isn't there any blood?" Charmander wondered aloud, looking at Bulbasaur's headless body, which simply had a layer of skin covering his neck, "it makes no sense."
"And THIS does?" demanded Squirtle, spreading his arms wide, indicating to the vast white, empty space they were in.
"Very true, very- HOLY MILTANKI!" Totodile screamed, recoiling yet again, as Squirtle changed shape. It was like watching a Pokémon evolve, but without the light, and he was getting smaller… and squarer.
"What in Ho-oh's name is happening?" shrieked Totodile, as Squirtle finished his disturbing metamorphosis, having assumed the shape of a large book, on the front of which was displayed the words "Key Stage 4 Trigonometry".
"I didn't know it was possible to mutate into a textbook. Interesting." Bulbasaur's head muttered wryly.
"H-help me…" came Squirtle's wail from seemingly nowhere.
"What's happening?" screamed Totodile, running behind Charmander to hide.
"It is obviously the evil and cruel attack of the Nine Vertical Pies." said Charmander wisely, nodding his head slowly.
"It is?" said Pikachu, turning to face Charmander.
"No!" How should I know?"
"I'm hungry," said Togepi.
Squirtle looked outraged. Or as outraged as a book can get. "I have been transformed into a geometry textbook, Bulbasaur has lost his head, and all you can think about is FOOD?"
"Actually, I feel really hungry right now." said Pikachu.
"Now you mention it, so do I!" said Squirtle, "What's happening?"
"A hunger virus?" Charmander offered.
"That does make a certain amount of sense." said Pikachu, nodding. "Especially since everything that exists in cyberspace is merely a string of data, and when Pokémon are stored-"
"Shut up!" screamed Totodile, clutching his head, "Stop thinking so deeply! This isn't the sixties!"
"So what is that's making us hungry?" asked Pichu.
"I don't know!" Pikachu shouted, scaring Togepi, causing him to run around screaming even louder and faster than before. "But I feel like if I don't have something to eat now, I'll die!"
"Me too…" Bulbasaur's head moaned from the floor.
"Me three!" said Squirtle's voice from nowhere. "Does anyone have anything?"
"Quit talking!" shouted Totodile, glaring up at the book floating above them. "That's freaky!"
"Let me see…" mumbled Pikachu, rummaging through his luggage, which was still just standing there for no apparent reason.
"Wha? There's nothing left!" shouted Pichu upon finding her hold all empty.
"There's not?" Totodile yelped and dashed over to his huge cart of suitcases. He carefully unzipped one and peered inside. "NOOOO!" he howled, falling to his knees with the unfairness of it all.
"There's nothing left?" Squirtle asked, floating over. "Who ate all the supplies? Togepi I know it was you!"
Togepi looked up at Squirtle, his face looking adorable, with huge watery eyes and the most innocent expression on his face.
"There's nothing at all!" Pikachu cried. "Not just the food, but nothing!" he said sharply, whirling around.
"You ate all my clothes!" Pikachu shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Togepi, whose eyes immediately quit being watery and cute, but looked angry and homicidal.
"I did not!"
"Shut UP! You're making my head hurt!" screamed Bulbasaur.
"Uh… Bulbasaur-" began Pichu, who was glancing at Bulbasaur's headless body on the floor before noticing the murderous expression on his face, as if daring Pichu to finish her sentence. "Nothing."
"But he ate all our food!" Squirtle whined in his textbooky manner.
"It wasn't me!" Togepi shouted, beginning to run around madly. "It was that rock over there! Look at the evil glint in its eye!"
"A rock?" repeated Pikachu, looking.
"I don't believe it! There's a rock right there!" shouted Charmander, pointing at the sign of normality, "multiple rocks!"
"And… I see some grass!" squealed Pichu.
"Grass? No way!" said Bulbasaur, before seeing the small blades of green becoming large blades of green. "There IS grass!"
"I see a bush!" shouted Pikachu, suddenly pointing at a small bush, which was growing out of the grass, which was growing out of nowhere.
"I see a tree!" shouted Pichu ecstatically.
"I see Tom Jone-" began Totodile, before all the Pokémon with hands darted over and clamped his mouth shut. "Shut up!" they chorused.
"What is it?" he asked once they had let him go.
"You can't say the name of a real person!" hissed Bulbasaur's head.
"I dunno." admitted Pikachu, shrugging. "Ask the staff."
"Fun wreckers." Pichu muttered under her breath.
"But…" said Totodile slowly, as if thinking was a strenuous process, "how can we fit in the phrase we were set if we can't say his name?"
"He's right!" said Squirtle, startled more at the fact that Totodile was indeed right than by what he actually said.
"But that means we'll have an unfinished challenge!" Bulbasaur complained.
"So be it." said Pikachu sullenly, bowing his head in memory of Dannichu's ability to complete challenges. Suddenly, sad, show music began playing as everyone had a minute's silence.
"Okay, now what?" said Pichu brightly, as the minute was over, and the fic resumed, complete with grass, trees and so on.
"There's a fork in my eye!" Togepi squealed.
"What?" the Pokémon chorused, whipping around to look at the egg.
"No there isn't!" said Pichu, annoyed.
"I know. I decided the authoress wasn't giving me enough attention."
"He didn't mean it!" Pikachu yelled, as what looked like a white light began to glow around Togepi.
"Fine." came a vaguely annoyed voice from nowhere.
"Yes." said Togepi, "But I have some Sunflora in a vase. They're ever so pretty."
"What on earth does that have to do with anything?" Pichu asked.
"I haven't the slightest."
"Destroy. All Living." came the voice from the celebrity who will remain unnamed for the duration, but we'll call "Fred" for now.
The Pokémon whirled around to see Fred coming toward them with a twisted expression on his face, looking like something out of a horror movie.
"Ack!" the Pokémon chorused.
"Help!" Pichu yelped.
"Kill. Exterminate." Fred said in a mechanized voice, his eyes ablaze with something that looked like fury.
Squirtle floated upwards, feeling terrified. "He's coming this way!"
"Obliterate. Kill. Annihilate." Fred said in the same scary and disturbing tone of voice, before reaching behind him and producing a huge axe, never ceasing his advance on the terrified Pokémon.
"He has an axe!" Totodile screamed. "He's going to kill us all!"
"Wait! I have an idea!" yelled Pikachu suddenly.
"What?" Bulbasaur asked, running while holding his head with his vines.
"Pichu, come here!"
Pichu leaped over to her evolved counterpart and realized what Pikachu meant. They held hands and began crackling with electricity before firing a huge Thunderbolt attack at Fred.
Fred exploded on contact with the electrical attack, and, to the Pokémon's disgust, sent little bits of wiring and electrical thingummys everywhere.
"Ack!" Pichu screamed. "Tom Jon- I mean Fred – is a robot!"
They looked with horror upon the blasted remains of the Fred robot. They all leaped backwards when the pieces began moving. The pieces began to reconnect, but in such a way that there were now two Freds in front of them, each wielding axes and looking more murderous than ever.
"Eradicate. Eliminate." the Freds chorused, advancing on the terrified Pokémon at a frightening speed.
"Come on Squirtle!" screeched Totodile, panicked. "Let's do a water attack!"
"Erm," said Squirtle's voice from above him, sounding very sarcastic and terrified at the same time. "I'm a textbook. Does it look like I'm going to be using Hydro-Pump anytime soon?"
"Guess not." muttered Totodile, still sounding petrified, before whirling around to face the two Freds, who were still saying random disconnected words about death and destruction. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. A distant rumble was heard, and suddenly a huge wave appeared from nowhere and crashed onto the Freds, breaking them up into little pieces once again. The water disappeared into the nowhereness of cyberspace.
But once more, the pieces began to reassemble themselves, only this time there were four Freds, each armed with his own axe and positively radiating with anger. They glared murderously before running after the terrified Pokémon, who were now running off in all directions, screaming and shouting.
"This is like 'Fantasia' but it's Tom- I mean Fred, not a broom!" screeched Togepi,
"That movie sucked!" yelled back Pichu, desperately trying to outrun a Fred who was gaining on her, before stopping suddenly stopping, the Fred unable to stop and simply stepping over Pichu. The Fred in question hit into a tree which was now there for no reason and broke up, but writhing a few seconds was back together, only multiplied by two.
"If they're robots," Pikachu yelled, trying to escape a rabid axe-wielding Fred, "then use fire to melt them! Charmander, try a Flamethrower on one of them!"
"Okay," said Charmander, sounding like he would rather be eaten by a Charizard. He whirled around to face the Fred that was chasing him and the textbook-Squirtle and unleashed a Flamethrower attack. It hit the Fred straight in the chest, causing the robot to fall over backwards. Charmander continued with the attack and soon all that was left of the Fred was a pile of ashes. The ashes didn't stir.
"Great!" squealed Pichu, "Now use it on the others too!"
Charmander did as he was told and created a huge Fire Spin attack, which whirled around for a bit, nearly incinerated Bulbasaur, but engulfed and destroyed all the robot Freds, leaving behind not a pile of ashes but a large and physically impossible hole in the fabric of time and space.
"What's that?" asked Togepi, looking at it.
"A large and physically impossible hole in the fabric of time and space; weren't you reading the narration?" snapped Squirtle.
"Freaky." muttered Pichu, gazing at the hole.
"Is it me," asked Totodile, "or is the hole getting bigger?"
"It is!" screeched Togepi. "I'm scared!"
"What's down there?" Bulbasaur wondered aloud. He lifted his head up with his vines and moved his head so he could look down into the hole, which was slowly getting bigger. "WOW!"
"What is it?" asked Charmander, walking over the hole, but mindful not to walk too close, "It's so far down I can't see anything!"
"You're right!" said Pichu in awe, also looking down into the hole.
Totodile decided he wanted a look, so he ran over, but bashed into Bulbasaur by accident, knocking him over and into the hole.
"AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!" Bulbasaur screeched, falling into the unknown place, his head with him.
"I shall save you!" Togepi declared, running over to the hole, before deciding that it looked scary. "…in a while. "
"Poor Bulbasaur…" Pikachu said, looking very sad.
"ACK!" came Squirtle's voice suddenly. "HELP ME!"
"What is it?" shouted Pikachu, looking around to see the floating book.
"Heeeeere!" came the voice. The Pokémon looked at the hole and saw a book floating just above it, flapping its pages as if it were a bird, trying to prevent itself from being sucked into the hole.
"Squirtle!" Pikachu yelled before Squirtle was finally drawn into the mysterious world below.
"Poor Squirtle!" said Pichu, sounding terrified.
Suddenly the hole grew huge, drawing all the Pokémon into it, all screaming hysterically, save for Togepi who yelled "Goodbye, cruel world!" at the top of his lungs. They closed their eyes and waited for the impact…
'If you're tumbling down and your spirits fall… help's on the way, we hear your call…' came random music from nowhere. Pikachu opened his eyes and looked around, seeing nothing but his friends and Togepi falling though the air.
'On a mission, we're united as one; friends for ever, yeah… here we come…'
"What the duce?" wondered Charmander, despite his situation. The music was just coming from nowhere, as if they were in some kind of… songfic.
'In no time, we'll be at your side, we're a team on a roller coaster ride…'
"Where the heck is that music coming from?" shouted Pikachu over the random music, despite the fact it would be physically impossible for him to hear anyway, since there would be so much air rushing past them, but has anything made sense so far?
"I haven't the slightest!" Pichu yelled back.
'Each one of us knows just what to do; we're never gonna stop, gonna stop, searchin' for you…'
Pikachu was trying his hardest to panic, but it was hard to, since the music was growing more distracting, making it much harder to scream in terror.
'Oh, for you… be there, listen to me…'
"Hang on…" muttered Togepi no nobody but himself, "that music sounds awfully familiar…"
'Searchin' for you, oh, for you…we're gonna set you free…'
"AAARRRGGGHHH!" came a voice from below them; they looked down and saw a huge town coming towards them, but also two figures, one blue, the other green.
'Comin' to the rescue… get there in a hurry! Rescue… baby, don't you worry…'
"Bulbasaur!" Totodile yelled, recognizing the green shape that they were catching up with for no discernable reason.
'This adventure's heating up… I'll rescue you, and if I do you've gotta rescue me..."
"You've got your head back too!" Pikachu yelled down to him, noticing that the Seed Pokémon did indeed have his head reattached to his shoulders.
'So if you're lost, one thing is true… never gonna stop lookin' for you…'
"I know!" shouted Bulbasaur happily, "Squirtle's got his body back too!"
'You're not alone, so have no doubt… we'll put our heads together, gonna figure it out!'
"That would be great," yelled Squirtle from below them, "if you weren't about to die in about ten seconds!"
'Be there! Listen to me… we're gonna, gonna set you free yeah…'
"ACK!" shrieked Totodile, as if it hadn't occurred to him that they were falling millions of feet towards the hard ground of an unknown world.
'Comin' to the rescue… get there in a hurry…'
"What can we do?" shouted Pikachu, "we'll be killed for sure!"
'Rescue… baby, don't you worry…'
"I HAVE IT!" shouted Togepi suddenly in jubilation.
'Rescue... this adventure's heating up…'
"WHAT?" the other Pokémon chorused, twisting in midair to look at him, looks of hopefulness on their faces.
'I'll rescue you and if I do, you've gotta rescue me…"
"I figured out that this is the theme song to 'Pikachu's Rescue Adventure'!" shouted Togepi happily.
'Rescue…' came the music, before finally fading out, never giving a reason why it was there in the first place.
"That's great and all…" said Squirtle, "BUT WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
Pikachu suddenly screamed, pointing. "Look! Look down there!"
The looked down and saw a huge metropolis, full of buildings and people, bustling about their daily business, blissfully unaware of the Pokémon tearing towards them at frightening speeds.
"Oh pie…" moaned Totodile, "I didn't want to die until I'd completed Pokémon Pinball: Ruby and Sapphire!"
The Pokémon all closed their eyes and braced themselves for inevitable death.
Pikachu opened his eyes groggily. He blinked once, then twice before twitching his nose, ears and tail. He then moved his arms a bit, checking to see what damage had been done. Finding that he could still move without insurmountable pain, he moved his weight onto his front paws and heaved himself up, standing, perfectly fine, on his feet. He noticed his friends lying in a crumpled heap beside him and he went about waking them up and picking them up before he was deafened by a scream from Totodile.
"HOLY MILTANK!" he screeched, pointing at Pikachu like he was some kind of chainsaw-wielding psycho.
"What?" Pikachu asked, looking a bit scared.
"LOOK AT YOU!" the crocodile yelped, before looking at Charmander and Togepi, who were still lying down, looking crumpled and screamed some more. Pikachu looked down at his body and also screamed very loudly.
"ACK! What the heck? And you! You're the same!"
"I am? NOOOOO!" Totodile yelled. Pichu, Bulbasaur and Squirtle, who had been awoken by Pikachu before Totodile had begun screaming, looked at one another and also began panicking.
"What the expletive?" Squirtle shouted, "What the expletive happened to my outline? I look shaded! This is worse than Stadium!"
"Watch your language!" Pikachu scolded, only to receive looks of disgust from Squirtle, Bulbasaur, Pichu and Charmander, who had woken up through all the screaming. Totodile and Togepi didn't notice/care.
"That's what you're worried about?" Squirtle asked incredulously.
"Well…" said Pikachu, "I'm not pretending I'm not worried about…" he paused, looking for a word to describe their situation, but, finding none, merely gestured to their surroundings, "this; but this is a fanfic and we might have some children reading!"
They had been so busy looking at each other that they hadn't even taken into account their surroundings. They had landed on top of the roof of a house, unharmed due to the fact they were computer characters, meaning they could probably could go through a lesson with the authoress' textiles teacher and come out alive. Suddenly, Pichu noticed where they were.
"ACK! LOOK!" she squealed, pointing.
Squirtle looked "That is SO WEIRD!" he shouted, "Look at the shading! The color!"
"The absence of outlines!" Charmander added.
Totodile looked terrified. "The three-dimensionalness of it all!" he howled, dropping to his knees.
"Where are we?" asked Pichu, panic-stricken, "What should we do?"
Squirtle rolled his eyes. "Dance in front of the town hall with teacups and biscuits, what else?"
"Biscuits!" shouted Togepi happily, "Yay!" The others ignored him.
"Okay." said Pikachu, trying to sort things out. "We're stuck on the top of a three-dimensional building, possibly in the dreaded real world. We need to get back to the Pokémon World. Badly."
"Any ideas how?" questioned Bulbasaur.
"I'm open to suggestions…" said Pikachu, still looking grave.
"We could…" thought Totodile aloud, racking his brain (?), "kill ourselves!"
Suddenly Togepi took his little arms or whatever they are into his shell and searched around in there before producing a large leather-bound dictionary." How about this?" he asked proudly, "is it possible to commit suicide with a dictionary?"
"I think not," said Charmander, irritated yet still freaked out by their situation.
"I know!" shouted Togepi happily, "We could play board games!"
"Board games?" Bulbasaur repeated.
"I have chess!" Togepi said, delighted, pulling an enormous chessboard out of his shell and then taking out many little chesspieces, one by one and placing them on the board.
"How do you play?" asked Totodile, intrigued.
"I don't know." Togepi admitted, "I know! I'll look it up in my dictionary!" Togepi began flicking through the huge book while everyone else but Totodile gave him looks of disgust. Squirtle looked over Togepi's shoulder and peered at his dictionary.
"I hate to break it to you, Egghead, but no. Chess does not involve the postal service."
"What about this?" Togepi asked brightly.
"Actually, in eighteen-seventy-six, there was a…" began Pikachu, who was cut off by glares from some of the others. "Nothing."
"Can we please put away our various chess sets, dictionaries and other random expletive and think of a way to get down from this freaky place and back to the Pokémon world? Please?" Squirtle shouted, earning another frown from Pikachu.
"I could lower you all down with my vines," suggested Bulbasaur.
"Good idea." said Charmander, "Do Pichu and Togepi first; they're the lightest."
Bulbasaur extended two long vines and wrapped one around the small mouse Pokémon and the other around the deranged egg. He lifted both of them down and onto the sidewalk below, before releasing them and bringing back his vines to… wherever they come from. "You okay?" he shouted down.
"Yeah!" called up Pichu, about three storeys down from the other Pokémon, "but this is so freaky!"
"I wanna go home!" announced Togepi.
"And how on earth will we manage that?" asked Pikachu, "The weird portal-thing we fell through has vanished!"
"Look, you come down and we'll figure out something!" Pichu shouted.
So Bulbasaur dropped the other Pokémon down, one by one before finally lowering himself to ground level with his friends and Togepi. "Now what?" he asked.
"Oh dear pie!" shouted Pichu, "look at those humans!"
"Wow!" said Squirtle, looking at the people going about their daily business, not noticing the Pokémon, "their heads are… in normal proportion to their bodies!"
"Their hair styles are normal colors and don't defy gravity!"
"Their eyes are vaguely normal-looking!"
"And their noses… they aren't random puny triangles!"
"Their mouths aren't triangular either!"
"We could ask him." Charmander suggested, pointing at a random passer-by, who happened to be a businessman-type guy.
"Go on then." said Squirtle.
"Why me?" asked Charmander.
Squirtle shrugged "You suggested it."
"So?" said Charmander, nervous, and scared of the non-animé-style human.
"Sheesh!" shouted Pikachu, "I'll go do it, you chickens!"
Charmander and Squirtle both sighed with relief and watch their friend go over and attempt to make contact with the human.
"Excuse me-" Pikachu began. He never got any further because the man looked down, saw a large rodent with bright yellow fur and red cheeks looking up at him and saying 'Pika pika'. He ran away with faded yells and screams.
"That went well." Pichu muttered sarcastically.
"Why on earth are they scared of you?" wondered Charmander, "They're the freaky mutants."
"Maybe we should find someone else to ask." Bulbasaur suggested.
Pikachu shook his head. "We'd better not; I have a feeling that Pokémon are kind of unheard of in this place."
"What?" said Squirtle, outraged, "What on earth do the humans train, then?"
"I really don't know, nor do I care." snapped Pikachu, getting stressed; "I just know that we need to get back to the Pokémon world before more weird stuff happens to us."
"You're perfectly happy to boss us around, but have you had any good ideas?" Squirtle said, turning to face Pikachu, looking angry.
"Squirtle, shut up! Pikachu's idea of getting home is a great idea!" shouted Pichu, defending her relative, "Or do you want to be stuck here for ever?"
"Well then, if you want to get home so badly, go ahead and do it! I just don't happen to see any teleportation pads around here, do you?" shouted Bulbasaur.
"I can dance the hula!" piped up Togepi nonsensically.
"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Pikachu and Squirtle at the same time.
"My brother can fit thirty grapes in his mouth at once," said Totodile, suddenly sparking off a contest between them all.
"So?" said Togepi, "I have an uncle who can sneeze the national anthem!"
"That's nothing!" Squirtle bragged, "I had a friend back in the Squirtle Squad who could-"
"Can we get back to the point of getting home?" Pikachu interrupted, "PLEASE?"
"How then?" asked Bulbasaur, still a little angry.
"I haven't the slightest." said Togepi happily, producing a bottle full of a yellow-colored liquid from his shell, before flipping the lid off and drinking some.
"Please tell me that is lemon juice!" said Charmander, looking upon the mental egg with a kind of disgusted pity.
"Eww…gross…" said Pichu, looking revolted.
Togepi shoved the bottle back into his seemingly bottomless shell, "It's juice," he confirmed.
"That was random." said Totodile airily.
"MWA HA HA!" came a voice from nowhere, but nobody really needed three guesses to figure out who it was.
"Speak of the devil…" muttered Pikachu.
"I'd rather not, if you don't mind!" said Kadabra loudly.
"Who are you?" asked Squirtle, half-disturbed, half-curious.
"It is I, omlette, the cheese Danish!" Kadabra bellowed.
"Omlette?" Charmander repeated, while Totodile shouted from the background, "It's 'OMELET', you fool!"
Kadabra grinned an emotionally scarring grin, "Yup! With ketchup!" he produced a bottle of tomato sauce from nowhere and began coating himself in it, smearing the red sauce over his face as if it were a kind of soap. By the time he finished, he looked like he'd had an argument with an abattoir and come off the worse.
"Uh… Kadabra…" ventured Pichu, "Wearing ketchup on your head went out of fashion years ago."
Togepi was, meanwhile, seething. "You dare…" he growled, "Omelet…"
"Omlette!" Kadabra corrected happily, "Made of egg!"
"Egg…" Togepi hissed darkly, before suddenly launching himself at Kadabra, furiously attacking him, "KILL!" he screeched.
"FOOLISH MORTAL!" Kadabra howled, using a Psychic attack on not just Togepi, but all the Pokémon, who were watching the battle between the two mentally odd Pokémon, wondering which one to cheer for.
After the Psychic attack hit the Pokémon, they vanished into a huge plot hole and reappeared in a land of green trees, soft, lush grass, blue skies and other stereotypical things which continue this theme rather nicely. They looked around for a while, noticing the lack of Kadabra and breathing a sigh of relief. Bulbasaur was the first to voice the question they were all wondering.
"Where on earth are we?"
Pikachu looked around, and at his friends, all of who were back in their .gif glory. "I think…" he said slowly, as if daring himself to believe it, "I think we're back home!"
"There's only one way to find out!" said Squirtle, before pausing. "Actually, there are multiple ways, but saying there is only one makes it sound better. Togepi, say something stupid!"
"Or normal by your standards." muttered Pichu under her breath.
Togepi, meanwhile, was muttering darkly to himself, unaware that they had arrived in the blessed Pokémon world and was just talking to himself while curled up. The Pokémon stared, occasionally catching phrases like "I'll give him an expletive omelet…" and "Crazy son of a…"
The Pokémon sweatdropped and stared at him before Squirtle realized something. "WE SWEATDROPPED!" he screamed suddenly, "We MUST be back!"
"You're right!" shouted Pikachu, looking ecstatic. "We're home! I can't believe it!"
"YESSS!" cried Squirtle, punching the air and looking happy beyond words. Totodile began kissing the ground and Pichu grabbed Pikachu's hands and they danced around like a pair of ecstatically happy electric mice. Charmander burst into tears and began hugging Bulbasaur, who also had tears streaming down his face.
Togepi continued muttering darkly to himself, but nobody cared.
Two Pokémon trainers named Mark and May were walking along a path that would lead them to the city that they hoped to reach before sunset, especially due to a previous nasty experience after staying in a certain desert overnight. They passed into a clearing and they all stopped and stared at the scene greeting them; a Pikachu and Pichu bouncing around in joy, a Totodile kissing the earth, a Charmander and Bulbasaur crying with happiness, a Squirtle shouting things like "I can't believe it!" and "Yes!" occasionally, wearing a face displaying pure elation in the intervals, and a Togepi curled up and muttering under its breath, looking too evil to be true. The trainers looked at each other before shuffling away hastily, making mental notes to never return.
A/N: And there we are. I hope it was as good as the original, and those of you who have read it for the first time now liked it. Yes, I know it's odd, that's the point. So the first person to tell me so in review will get… erm… slapped with a wet fish. Anyway, the characters of Mark and May are copyrighted to Dragonfree (Butterfree) and were used with permission. Thanks
This is also, before you report me, NOT a challenge, but a RESPONSE to a challenge. There IS a difference.