He felt Johnny's breath on his skin, felt his head tilt back. He could feel the grass under him, it was wet and almost cold. Felt his breathing begin to speed up, felt movement even though he was laying still. He could see the top of Johnny's head, his yellow blond hair shining in the dim lights that lit this courtyard. Daniel's hands were down by his sides, and he grabbed handfuls of dirt and grass.
Sometimes he was afraid to open his eyes, thinking anyone could walk by and just see them. He kept his eyes closed most of the time, felt the softness of Johnny's mouth and his tongue. He moaned, twisted in pleasure.
"Yeah, Johnny, right there…"
He could smell the chlorine from the pool, that little bit of chlorinated water that was in it, and he could smell something else, like algae, the soft green scum he's seen in the pool. He wanted to get up and he wanted to stay, opposite desires making him immobile. He twisted his hips a little and saw Johnny move, and all he could see was the top of his blond head and his shoulders.
No one's done this before, no one's gotten so far with him, male or female. He licked his lips and felt his body sliding toward pleasure without his consent. He'd get up, go upstairs to his apartment and forget all about this. In just one minute.
He sighed and shifted his weight again. He wanted to push Johnny away and pull his jeans back up, button them, run. He wanted to get away. He wanted Ali. But he couldn't seem to move or follow his own commands because what Johnny was doing felt so good. He knew what to do, it seemed. He knew when to apply pressure and when to release it. He knew how to touch him to get him to moan like that, and Daniel arched his back and thoughts of getting up and getting away melted into ribbons, into thin nothingness.
Was it even his choice to make? If he tried to get up Johnny could easily hold him down, could easily hit and hurt him again, and Daniel's cells remembered every beating. It was easy to stay when he knew the stakes.
He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling that slide toward the climax he had only experienced before by himself. He shook his head, denying, not wanting this. Not wanting this with a boy, not wanting to be forced like this. It was deep pleasure with a core of shame.
"No…" he breathed this word and wasn't sure Johnny heard him. But it was too late. He couldn't stop it, and he wouldn't have got up and made him stop even if he could, but he repeated his denial as he squeezed his eyes shut and came.
It was done and Johnny slowly lifted himself up and off of him. Daniel felt sort of scared of Johnny, worried about what else he might do. He could feel Johnny looking at him, staring at him, his eyes boring into him. Daniel looked down, yanked his jeans up and twisted the button closed. He looked at the grass and dirt where he had disturbed it, saw the dirt there fresh and dark. He let out a shuddery breath, inched away from Johnny, not sure if he'd let him leave.
"Daniel," Johnny said his name in a neutral tone, and Daniel couldn't bring himself to look at him. He felt his cheeks burning red, the tips of his ears burning red. He bit his bottom lip, got shakily to his feet, hugging himself, feeling Johnny's eyes crawling over him. He backed up slowly.
"Uh, I gotta go," Daniel said, his eyes on the ground. He saw Johnny's jeans and sneakers, both expensive, both more expensive than anything he could ever afford. He couldn't even hear anything anymore, didn't know if Johnny responded or not. He walked backwards slowly, making sure Johnny wasn't going to try and grab him, force him to do anything else, and when he was sure he wasn't going to he took off, grabbed the railing and felt the cold metal in his hand, and ran up the stairs.