Pervert
A Parable

When Iruka caught all three Team Seven chuunins in the onsen, redefining "team unity" in new and physiology-defying ways, he immediately blamed Kakashi. That irresponsible, perverted moron had corrupted poor emotionally-unstable Sasuke with filthy literature while they were training. After that, Sasuke could not help but use dark plots to ensnare nice little Sakura and naive Naruto in his twisted sexual mindgames. And now the horrible image of Naruto having a threesome had been branded into Iruka's mind; he would be scarred for life.

Kakashi slept on the couch for a week. Two frustrating months passed before Kakashi could convince Iruka-sensei to let him wear the schoolgirl uniform again.

When Tsunade-sama learned that the Team Seven chuunins had been found working on questionable "taijutsu" in Training Grove 4, she immediately blamed Jiraiya. That irresponsible, perverted moron had encouraged poor impressionable Naruto to go peeping and use Sexy no Jutsu one too many times. After that, Naruto could not help but use sheer force of personality to ensnare nice little Sakura and naive Sasuke in his twisted sexual confusion. And now the ignoble Konoha tradition of pairing great power with great deviance would continue into another generation; Tsunade would be putting up with these horny fools until she died.

Jiraiya slept in hospital for a week. Two painful months passed before Jiraiya could convince Tsunade-sama to fully repair the rib she'd fractured.

When Ino heard from Kiba who heard from an unusually weepy Hinata that Team Seven were awfully close these days, she kept her mouth shut. Ino knew exactly which shameless pervert had seduced other two members of Team Seven.

Somewhere in the Uchiha compound, an exhausted Inner Sakura was leering at the two sated shinobi cuddled up on either side of her. And she was thinking, "HELL YEAH!"


((author's note: I originally posted a slightlydifferent version of this ficlet on LJ, months ago, under a different nickname. One I no longer like. Blarg.))