Stupid, damn Titans…oh, hello. I guess your here to read this right? Well, I guess you know who I am. Maybe you don't. Surely, you know my damned host. Raven. She's partly of that do-good team, the Teen Titans. I don't mean to be nasty when I say damned…wait, I take that back, I do. But she is. Damned I mean. How can the daughter of the eighth devil not be? Anyway, I live inside her. Well, I'm imprisoned inside her head to be exact. So, I get to watch every move she takes, every stupid action she does, and not be able to do anything about it. Oh sure, she lets other emotions have some (very little) time out in the world, but me? Never! No…Anger is dangerous…well, that's my function! I'm supposed to destroy things, bring eternal suffering to the earth…all that jazz. But noooo, she keeps me locked up here.
Well, since your reading this, I guess I'll tell you a story. I should start at the beginning.
In the beginning, there was nothing. Now, there is still nothing….that's not very good, is it? Oh well, deal with it! I'll start with the present, keep you guessing about the past. Muahahahahaha! Evil laughter is a bad habit of mine. It really gets on my hosts nerves. Well, Raven has been with the Titans for a while. She's starting to make friends. She's not supposed to make friends! If she starts going all sappy, I swear, I will hit her, chains or not.
Cinderblock is, at the moment, trying to break into jail. Don't ask me why the blockhead does the things he does, but, if he causes this sort of destruction, I'm all for letting him run rampant. But, those damn Titans have other plans.
Oohh…look, there go the boys trying to sound all heroy and tough! I swear, those idiots can barely stay silent for 5 freakin' minutes. Plus, their puns suck. Now they've suckered Raven into doing that dumb little intro. Honestly, you'd think that anyone who was a host to me would at least have a shred of self-respect and decency….
And they're fighting. Great! They're destroying property, oh this is fun! Hey, he's got Starfire…maybe he can squeeze naivety out her! Unlikely, but even I can hope. She got free…dammit. Great, Robin, the Boy Idiot, and Cyborg, the Metallic Idiot, are going to try to do a combo attack. I can just see it now…yep. They screwed it up. Big surprise. Huge, in fact. Never ever would've seen it coming. If you can't tell I'm being sarcastic…well, that's probably better left unsaid. I don't want to corrupt you…never mind, I do.
No Raven! Let the prisoners go! Let them wreck havoc on the…or don't…see if I care!
Yay, big argument! If I'm really lucky…I am! Oh yes! The metallic idiot has officially left the Titans! This could be the start of a pattern...one by one, leaving Raven all alone, vulnerable…I'm liking this idea!
…I don't believe this. Raven actually misses that hunk of metal. That annoying gray cloak is really going at it now. Mind you, she has the same I idea I do, they're all gonna leave. Wouldn't that be amazing? If she was just a little closer, c'mon Timid, just a few more steps closer to me, yes, that's it…no! Starfire broke my concentration. No don't try that slop, Trigon only knows what the naïve idiot put into this one. Thank you.
Oh, wonderful job. Tell them your fine, then blow up the computer. Not that destructions' a bad thing…hmm…maybe this is good. If she misses Cyborg, imagine what'll happen when everyone leaves, she'll be totally out of control! This is shaping up to be a better day then usual.
Joyous…wait…that sounds much like Starfire…anyway, another villain has popped up. Is this a good day or what? More destruction, more chaos, and, hopefully, more break-ups. Eww…OK, he looks gross, but he just totaled both Robin and that annoying green-one-whose-name-I-shall-not-mention. He can do a hell of a lot of damage, so he's good in my books.
Well, he would be good, if they didn't just capture him…oh wait! He's multiplied, I'm not even gonna ask how he managed that one. It means more trouble, that's all I care about.
Well, of course you aren't going to keep him locked in that nasty old room. He needs to outside causing trouble!
Oh, yes, separate, great idea. That way, he can pick you all off one by one, and you won't have anyone around to help you or hear you scream…they do know that this only helps my plan, right? Ooh, he got Raven. If he can do that, I have no doubt that he can take down the rest of the damnable do-gooders. Very very good. Yes, there are the other two blobs, with the other two Titans, wait, one's missing. Oh well, I bet it'll show up any minute I'll try sit here and be patient until I can see the fruits of my plan. Hell, I can't do that! I'm not a patient emotion!
Aw, shit! Not only has Robin managed to evade capture, but the other idiot has apparently rejoined! Do you know how much this totally ruins my whole plan, and day? Now, they won't be breaking up, and I have to suffer the knowledge that my host's butt has just been saved by a duo of complete and utter losers. Figures. Why can't anything ever go my way? I mean, besides all that crap about goodness winning over wickedness and all.
Oh joy. They are making up. And, as if we haven't had enough mushiness, Starfire 'wishes to initiate a group hug'. Thank Trigon my host at least has enough sense to avoid that humiliation. Do know how much my reputation would be ruined if I let any touch me? Let alone hug me!
And now they're wondering who would have enough of a brain to set up a diversion. Gee, I don't know, could it be…oh, maybe, Slade? The guy that's going to keep trying to kill us, never give up, and get Boy Idiot completely obsessive? Who knows? Man, I love having prophetic skills at times. Too bad it's not fine tuned…then I could know for sure what's going to happen, and maybe mess with Raven's head even more. That would be fun. Hmm, speaking of that, I think I'll pretend I do. Get her really worked up over Trigon coming…oh, if I could somehow make an illusion that looks like him…yes…this is getting better and better…
So, what do yu think? I'm planning (well, prayng I have enough free time...) to go throughmost, if not all, of the episodes. But, that's going to take a while, so I may only end up doing a select few. Thanks for reading, hope you had fun.