Kingdom Hearts: The Randomness that Ensued after the Game
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom hearts or any of its characters. (Except Riku in my REALLY disturbing mind.) And I don't own any Finding Nemo characters either.
Shinaixu here bringing you my first (and certainly not my last) crazy fic. I was at home playing Kingdom Hearts when I realized how much of an idiot Sora is so….that inspired me to write this fic. And before I forget a lot of people elope in this fanfic….don't ask. One more note…this story is written with ignorance to the possibility of Kingdom Hearts II (and chain of memories…).
WARNING: OOC-NESS AND IF YOU HAVE NOT BEATEN KINGDOM HEARTS OR IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT THE END YOU MIGHT GET CONFUSED.
Chapter One: Kings, Red and Nemo. What next?
The three idiots (sorry Sora, Goofy and Donald fans) are chasing after Pluto.
Sora: Get back pant here pant you sorry pant excuse for a dog! pant, pant Give the letter to mmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Proceeds to hit Pluto with the Keyblade. Whoopsie.
Sora: Pretty letter. takes it out and (attempts) to read it
Goofy: Well, what does it say?
Sora: I can't… read it.
Donald: Well genius, it's because YOU'RE HOLDING IT UPSIDE DOWN!
Sora: Oh yeah, heh heh, I knew that, I was just testing you two.
Donald: Sure you were.
Sora: No, really I was!
Donald: READ IT ALREADY!
Letter: Goofy, Donald and Sora. You have all aided me in my task and I thank you all for that, but you all must understand my position. Since I am now currently locked in Kingdom Hearts I, the King as you can imagine am not able to fulfill my duty as a King and so I am asking you Sora, the Keyblade Wielder to take my position as King. Please tell Minnie I'm sorry. And Sora, I trust your ability to do this.
Donald and Goofy: OO
Sora: BIG SMILE (not the funky one) (Note: Sora is singing everything he says in a very off key kinda way) I GET TO BE KING! KING SORA! I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS DAY SINCE I WAS A KID! WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Donald: SORA! KING! SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!
Goofy: Before you get shooted Donald what'll happen to us?
Sora: Dancing around and still singing
Donald: What'll happen to us! WE'LL ALL DIE THAT'S WHAT! WHAT THE HELL IS THE KING SMOKING!
Sora: (Stops Singing) Ganja….weed…. whatever you want to call it….Product of Jamaica! Whoo go islanders! (Starts singing again) Continues to dance around.
And now we leave our three idiots and we bring ourselves to meet Riku and (former) King Mickey!
Riku: This place is supposed to be light?
Riku: THEN WHY THE HELL IS THIS PLACE SO DARK I CAN'T SEE MY HAND IN FRONT OF MY FACE!
Mickey: shrugs I only know so much…
Riku: Damn rat.
Mickey: You're not referring to me are you? Because I'm a mouse not a rat. It's in my name, Mickey MOUSE.
Riku: Mouse, rat same thing.
Mickey: On the contrary there's a big difference, a mouse…
Riku: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?
Mickey: Actually, I can't see you so…
Riku: DAMN ANNOYING RAT AAAAHHHH SHIT! YOU TAKE AFTER SORA! WE HONESTLY DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE SO IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'LL STANGLE YOU UNTIL YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH LIFE IN YOU TO OPEN YOUR STUPID LITTLE TRAP WITH!
Mickey: OO sweatdrop Can I suggest anger management?
Riku: twitch, twitch THAT'S IT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! takes out his pretty sword and hacks Mickey's head off TAKE THAT RAT! after destroying Mickey, Riku then remembers that even if Ansem is dead the Heartless still exist (well even if they don't they do in my story) and….he is one! So he opens up one of the Heartless portals of Darkness thingy and goes to the Hollow Bastion, where he finds his wife which he eloped with somewhere during the course of Kingdom Hearts think 'behind the scenes'. (AN - Kingdom Hearts : Behind the Scenes…hmmmm… I think I've just gotten inspiration for my next fan fic.)
Now back to the idiots.
Sora went back to Disney Castle and showed Minnie and Daisy and everyone else that's important the (former) King's letter. They were all in a state of shock. (Wow! I never saw that one coming.) And Sora's first duty as King was to rename Disney Castle as……SORA CASTLE! Then, he took an airship and went to the Destiny Islands and went to get Kairi.
Kairi: All I wish to do is brood…For my love, my Sora has disappeared into nothingness sigh and knowing him he's probably gonna get himself killed before he fulfills his promise. sigh
Sora: HHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII KAIIIRIIIII!
Kairi: jumps 10 feet in the air Mommy!
Sora: Hey, you stole my line! I'm the only one that can scream for my mommy!
Kairi: Sora? Sora…SORA! jumps on Sora and proceeds to hug his life out
Sora: Whoa...Kairi...you're kinda….hugging….me too…..tight.
Kairi: Sorry…but I just missed you so much.
Sora: I missed you too. More hugging
10 minutes later
Sora: Kairi…you can let go now. I've only been gone for one day.
Sora: Hey, Kairi.
Sora: There's something I need you to know… I've been thinking…
(I know what's going on everybody's head now…)
Kairi: OH MY GOD! YOU'VE BEEN THINKING!
Sora: Yeah…but that's not it…
Kairi: Oh, well what is it then.
Sora: Kairi….I want you to elope with me.
Kairi: OO W...wh…..what…?
Sora: I know it sounds crazy….but….I'm stupid so what would I know?
Kairi: Actually….you're not stupid…you're an idiot…so………Anyways, what would your parents think?
Sora: I don't care what they think. I'm the Almighty Keyblade Master I don't need parental……stuff.
Kairi: Well I guess so, besides, what do we have to lose?
Sora: Absolutely Nothing! Apart from our freedom to date others.
Kairi: What was that? Never mind. Okay! It sounds fun! I've been dying to get off this island! Finally, I'll be away from Selphie's nagging, away from Wakka's stupid, pointless, random and boring Blitzball tips and last but certainly not the least away from Tidus's underwear which just appear in random places!
Sora: Hold on…that stuff is underwear? I think I'm gonna be sick.
Kairi: Well what did you think it was?
Sora: Some deformed version of sugar.
Kairi: EEEEWWWW! DIGUSTING! YOU ATE IT?
Sora: NO! No! That's gross! I gave it to my puppy. I think that's why he died a day after. Poor puppy.
Kairi: Sora….you're weird.
Sora: Thank you!
Kairi: So when we leave…where exactly are we going?
Sora: TO SORA CASTLE!
Kairi: Sora Castle?
Sora: Yes, I own it now!
Kairi: What are you doing with a castle?
Sora: I'm a king of some place now so … I get to live in a pretty castle!
Kairi: KING! YOU A KING! Which drunkard made you king?
Sora: A MOUSE!
Sora and Kairi go off to do the whole eloping process thing then go back to Disne….err…..Sora Castle.
Kairi: OO Whoa. You own this place?
Sora: Yeah…but I don't like it.
Kairi: You don't like it? What's not to like?
Sora: Not enough red…
Sora: Yeah, red. You know the color. I think it's time to re-decorate.
Riku: So you two get married, move into a big castle which you plan to …'re-decorate' and become a King and Queen of a whole entire kingdom and you don't tell me anything.
Sora: RIKU! YOU'RE ALIVE!
Riku: Well, yeah. Last time I checked anyways.
Sora: Are you still evil?
Riku: Are you sure you want to know the answer to that question?
Sora: Shakes his head vigorously Noooooooooooo.
Riku: I thought so.
Sora: What about Mickey? Weren't you with him?
Riku: Who? The rat?
Sora: He's a mouse.
Riku: He's an overgrown filthy RAT!
Riku: I SAY HE'S A RAT AND THAT'S FINAL AND IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, YOU 'WILL' AGREE WITH ME. Glares (one of those evil glares that says- AGREE WITH ME OR DDDDIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!) at Sora.
Sora: Ok………… I want my mommy ………
Riku: Good slave, I MEAN …best friend.
5 minutes later when Sora simply forgot what had happened during the past 6 or 7 minutes
Sora: I say we paint everywhere RED!
Kairi: Everywhere as in every single last place in this castle.
Riku: That's kind of what the word everywhere means.
Kairi: Shut up.
Riku: Make me.
Kairi: Stubborn oaf.
Kairi: Don't start with me Riku.
Riku: Why not?
Kairi: Because I will not hesitate to hurt you.
Riku: Is that a threat?
Kairi: And what if it is?
Riku: If it is, then I admire you for having enough courage to threaten me.
Sora: I want a red carpet, red towels, red bed sheets, red tiles, red roof…..thingies. Damn it! I want the whole kingdom painted red!
Kairi: Isn't that overdoing it a bit?
Sora: RED CAN NEVER BE OVERDONE! Check out the outfit and bow down to its almighty redness!
Riku: Kairi, I hope you know that this is only the beginning of the sheer pain you'll encounter by marrying an idiot.
Sora is now in the process of painting everywhere and I mean everywhere in his castle red (He got Riku to help). He has now reached the master bedroom. In the master bedroom…
Sora: Singing while painting La la red la laaa red la la la more red la la LAAAAAAAAAAA!
Kairi: Sora do you mind SHUTTING UP?
Sora: Yeeeeeeeeessss. goes back to singing off key
Kairi: Riku, can you do one of your SHUT UP OR DIE! glares at Sora?
Kairi: Riku. Riku. RIKU. RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Riku: Takes out earplugs Huh? Did you say something?
Kairi: Never mind.
Sora: I HAVE FINISHED MY MASTERPIECE! BEHOLD!
Kairi: OO Wow. She was currently staring at some deformed thing which looked oddly like a person but was just plain weird. It had….a big circle which one would assume the head to be what looked like arms and legs which oddly, looked liked clubs. And then something else on top of its supposed head that seemed to be a bramble bush or something in that category. She had come to the conclusion that Sora was the farthest thing away from an artist. What is it?
Sora: It's Riku!
Riku: WHAT! WHY YOU LITTLE… GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…………………DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Riku then proceeded to viciously assault Sora by attempting to tear his lungs out…but instead he only had to bear the torture of Sora screaming like a scared schoolgirl and get a bucket of paint thrown on him…which just succeeded in making him angrier.
Kairi: You know red suits you stifles a laugh you should wear it more often. Giggle, giggle.
Riku: MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR! IT HAS BEEN TAINTED WITH….With…. REDNESS! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Runs out of room.
Sora: Ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh, I made him angry.
After Sora finally painted the whole room and Riku comes back after completely getting the paint off of every last strand of his hair…
Kairi: Sora can we PLEASE put another color in this room?
Sora: But I like red.
Kairi: I know that, but… um… it's too….bright?
Sora: Fine what color do you want it?
Kairi: Something pale and pretty like…pink or purple?
Sora: PINK! PURPLE! EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW! ICKY! PINK AND PURPLE ARE GAY!
Riku: (Being sarcastic) Actually Sora, pink and purple are the new red.
Sora: Really! OK! NOW WE CAN RE-PAINT THE CASTLE PINK!
Riku Kairi: NO!
Riku: Have you two ever heard of wallpaper?
Sora: WALLPAPER! RIKU YOU'RE A GEENYUSS!
Riku: It really took you this long to notice?
Sora: I KNOW! Kairi, do you like butterflies?
Sora: THEN WE WILL HAVE RED WALLPAPER WITH PURPLE BUTTERFLIES!
Kairi: My aching head.
Sora: RIKU! I'VE HAD A STROKE OF GENIUS!
Riku: Raises eyebrow Rrrreeeeaallllllllllyyyy?
Sora: Do they sell Finding Nemo wallpaper anywhere?
Riku: Sweatdrop No Sora, they don't.
Sora: SCREW THE BUTTERFLIES! I WANT DORY ON MY WALLS!
Kairi: I really need an aspirin right about now.
Riku: What's a Dory?
Sora: You don't remember Dory?
Sora: You don't even know what Dory is?
Riku: I think I've established that it's a thing.
Sora: SHE'S NOT A IT SHE'S A HER! AND A FISH TOO. ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE MOVIE FINDING NEMO?
Sora: But I remember taking you and Kairi there.
Kairi: I remember because it's hard not to forget Sora crying on my shoulder through the whole of the movie.
Sora: HEY! That movie was very touching and heart-warming thank you very much.
Riku: Oh! You mean the one I walked out on?
Sora: Yeah! Wait what?
Riku: You have got to be kidding me. I went to that movie for the popcorn and 'cause Sora was treating.
Sora: Because of Riku's ignorance to the sheer brilliance of Pixar animation I have decided that for my next kingly act……I COMMAND ALL PEOPLES TO WATCH THE MOTION PICTURE FINDING NEMO!
I finally finished the first chapter! Tell me if I should continue. Suggestions are appreciated and I'll try to update ASAP.