So…. My computer's being stupid and I can't update my DA account…. So I decided to update here on FF! Woot!
Samwise: wow… this is quite early miss, beggin' your pardon, but shouldn't you be waitin' another two months before you update…?
Samwise: well…. I'll just do the disclaimer then shall I?
Samwise: ok, LC does not own Lotr or Lost…. Or anythin' else in this sad little fic of hers that she hardly ever updates…
So now that Jack had met up with them Charlie
had been very happy. He had missed Jack. He had given Jack the map
and the compass, so Jack was in the lead! But there had been a down
side to this. Jack seemed to be on a power trip and had demanded all
sorts of things, for instance, he now wanted to be called Captain
Jack. And he would spit in Charlie's eye every time he for got the
word Captain or if he abbreviated it as
"Capt." How Jack had known that Charlie was abbreviating this is beyond any of us. Also he demanded that Steve sweep the path in front of him before he walked on it, so he wouldn't get his shoes dirty, but because the path was made of dirt, it was very difficult for poor Scott, I mean Steve… poor Steve… yes Steve.
They were doing a lot of walking, Jack had informed them that they were to walk until sundown. It was now noon, high noon to be exact. But all this walking had made poor Charlie bored again. He felt like talking to someone. So he began to talk with Scott, he asked him questions like why is the sky blue? Where do babies come from? And the question every one wants to know, will Kate end up with Jack? Or with Sawyer? But no matter how many questions Charlie asked him, Scott would not answer. Then Charlie became so frustrated that he slapped Scott in the back of the head with an anvil.
"What was that for!' demanded Scott after he woke up half an hour later, looking at the trail of blood behind him (A/N Scott had been walking the whole time he was unconscious).
"Well you weren't answering my questions!" defended Charlie as he crossed his arms and did one of his British 'huffy breaths'.
" Well-," he stopped short. Charlie had just realized that the whole time he had been asking questions, he had been thinking them inside his head, rather than asking them out load to Scott. At the moment he now felt quite bad.
" Sorry mate," Charlie sympathized, and he gave Scott a pat on the head. Unfortunately, he patted him in the same place that he hit him with the anvil, so Scott passed out yet again from all the pain. But Scott kept walking none the less, not even lack of consciousness could stop him now! So Charlie took no notice of him and he hurried up to where Jack was.
"So Jack, I mean CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN JACK!" Charlie had caught himself just in time to save his eye from a great glob of Jack spit.
"Yes, Charlie," answered Jack, eyeing Charlie for almost forgetting the 'Captain' part of his name. He had always wanted to be a Captain and it looked like this was going to be his only chance, and he wanted to use it well.
"Anywhoo, Captain, I was just wondering," Charlie took a deep breath," are we there yet?"
Jack looked at Charlie for a long moment. Then he took a look at the map. Then he took a look ahead, then down, then back at Charlie.
"Yes," said the Captain.
Charlie looked down he could now see that they were all now on top of a large hill and the sun was setting behind them.
"What is this place?" asked Steve, tossing his broom to the side.
"It is the great watch tower of Peeping Tom," explained Jack,"he and his buddies used to sit up here and watch the town with binoculars. He met his wife that way. Alas, there is no town there now, it is deserted, but this will serve as a good place to watch out for the 'others'."
So they all began to unpack and with the help of Scott's lighter, they had a nice little fire going. After a filling dinner of cooked grass and water, they demanded that Captain Jack tell them a story. About an hour and 60 shots of vodka later, Jack was happily telling a touching story of a love between a snake and a salamander. She was a fair salamander and caught the hearts of many, be them cold blooded or warm. But one day the snake named Burten, caught a glimpse of here laying on a rock and he called out to her by her name, Lucyen. And from that moment on they were inseparable. But as it turns out the only way for Lucyen to be with Burten was for her to give up her legs. And that is just what she did, but unfortunately she died of blood loss a few hours after Burten had died by being trampled by a headless horseman.
"That's so sad," Charlie sobbed.
"Here give me a hug," said Scott, who was also crying like a middle aged woman getting over her first hot flash.
"Oh good Lord," said Steve rolling his eyes as he watch the two in a big embrace, soaking each other's shoulders in a salty liquid called 'tears'.
As Steve was about to throttle the two with a large pink polka dotted badger that he had found crawling around, the group heard a glass breaking scream.
"Get close to the fire, it's the Others," yelled Jack standing up alarmed,"here, take these!"
Jack reached in his bag and handed large sticks to everyone, but for himself he pulled out a nice handgun.
"And this is supposed to help us how?" asked Steve as he tossed his stick away, he preferred to fight someone with his badger, it would sound much better in a story. Charlie wished he had a badger.
"Well the sticks will help if they don't have any guns, you can just beat them to death," replied Jack not too reassuringly.
"The 'if' part doesn't make me feel too good," Charlie said getting closer to the fire.
Then they heard more screaming. They were getting closer. Scott then passed out and would have landed in the fire if it weren't for Jack who picked him up and, not being able to wake him up, hid him in some brush so the others wouldn't see him.
Charlie's blood was rushing, he was fighting the urge to put the ring on when he saw what he was fearing. Five of the Others stepped into the light all dressed in black with large banana's in their hands. Jack soon ran forward to engage in battle, but he overshot and tripped on a broom followed by a long tumble down the hill.
Charlie looked to his side, glad that Steve was still with him. But when he looked over he saw Steve unconscious on the ground and all the others were heading towards him. Charlie, without thinking quickly slipped on the ring. The feeling that he was now experiencing was strange but familiar. He felt like he just had a good fix of his heroin. The world around him was all swirly and filled with neon colors. But the others were still advancing to him, he tried to stand up and run away but he tripped on the stick Jack had given Steve, and he couldn't get back up.
By now what seemed to be the leader of the others was almost right on top of him holding aloft his bright, now hot pink banana.
"Give us the ring Charlie!" said the leader, Charlie thought he sounded like one of those women in their late thirties who had been smoking since they were conceived.
"No!" replied Charlie pulling the ring closer to him.
"Very well," said the other coldly as he plunged the banana into Charlie's left shoulder. A pain Charlie had never known surged through his body and he gave a loud shout. Then he looked behind the other he thought he could see a large orange stoat with a sombrero.
"Get up! Get up!" the stoat shouted using Jacks voice, as it seemed to be doing a Mexican had dance around the others, driving them away from Charlie. The Stoat began shooting at the others, and they ran down the hill screaming.
"Get up! Your invisible when you put that ring on, I need to be able to see you!" said the stoat once the others had all gone.
Charlie quickly took off the ring and put it back in his pocket. Everything went back to normal, except for the pain in his shoulder from the banana, which caused him to pass out.
His companions now all gathered around Charlie, even Scott who had just woken up and was pulling twigs out of his hair. Jack knelt close to Charlie examining his small wound.
" What happened? It doesn't look too bad," commented Steve.
"He was stabbed by a banana." Answered Jack.
" oh… wait… a BANANA?" exclaimed Scott pulling a surprisingly large twig out his ear.
"Yes a banana," repeated Jack, "the others have learned the deadly art of stabbing people with banana's, if this wound isn't taken care of soon he will become like them."
"Well you can fix it right," said Scott looking a bit worried.
"Yeah you're a doctor right?" Said Steve scratching his head.
"Yes I am a doctor,' said Jack proudly doing a Napoleon pose with one hand in his shirt. "But, I can do very little for him here, we must get him to Riverdale! And quickly!"
So once they had gotten all their stuff together and Jack had put some of what he called "special medicine" on Charlie's shoulder (This "special Medicine" was actually just dandelions) they put Charlie on a stretcher, Jack had forbidden him from walking, even when he had woken up. Now that everything had been made ready they set out rather quickly for Riverdale.
Charlie was enjoying his present situation, (even though the pain had not subsided) he liked to pretend that he was an important Egyptian king with his slaves carrying him about the town. He often demanded Scott to feed him grapes and fan him with palm leaves. But something happened that made the companions to become frightened and Charlie to choke on a grape. They heard someone ahead of them, walking towards them with great speed.
Dun DUN DUUUUUN!
LC: well I hope you all enjoyed that!
Samwise: yes! In the next Chap. Someone from LOTR will make a surprise appearance! And no it's not me…..
LC: Well lets answer the reviews that I couldn't answer using the reply button!
review man: sorry I haven't been as funny… I hope this is a bit better…. But thanks for telling me!
Cyberdhampir: thank you for all your reviews! And you guessed it… I planed to have Hurley as Gimli from the beginning! Woot! Yay random!
LC: oooooookay so review !review! review! Woot! Yeah so im gonna bring in an LOTR character from the book, cause I felt sorry for him. I wonder if anyone can guess? Bye! And thanks for reading!