A/N: A random idea for a conversation that popped into my head after watching the first four episodes or so… I broke out in a mild fit of giggles in the middle of buying burgers for me and my friend.

WARNINGS: Umm… innuendos?

DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way own the anime TV show 'Bastard'. And even if I did… well, for once things probably wouldn't be too much different… but I'd ask the character designers why they gave Dark Schneider a new outfit every time he appeared. :ponders: And Gara would get more screen time.



By Angevar

(Sunday, February 13, 2005)


"Yoko! Please…?"


Gara sighed. Heavily. 'I've seen these arguments before and I doubt this one will be any different from any of the two hundred million or so they've had before,' he thought to himself as he watched Dark and Yoko. 'Dark is never going to win. At least not before hell freezes over and the devil opens up a popsicle stand…' Gara stifled a laugh as Dark went into full out beggar mode, 'It is pretty funny to see Dark Schneider try and give Yoko puppy dog eyes though…'

"Aww, c'mon Yoko. I love you, why won't you let me?" Dark pleaded.

"Because of all the times you've died and made me perfectly miserable!" Yoko replied, turning her back on him.

"Please…?" Dark whined, lying fairly pathetically on the floor tugging at the hem of Yoko's (for once long) skirt.

"I said no and that means you're not getting any!" Yoko said.

"Why do you have to be so cruel?"


"Ouch!" Dark whined, rubbing the top of his head where Yoko had just slapped him.

"Serves you right," Yoko grumbled. "Idiot"

"C'mon, Yoko…" Dark pressed, still sitting on the floor rubbing the top of his head. "Can't I have just a little—"

"No! You! Can't!" Yoko yelled, smacking Dark again.

"Mmm… why not…?" Dark pouted, now rubbing the side of his face. "You'd let Luche have some, why can't I?"

"Because Luche doesn't give me a heart attack by getting himself killed five times a week!"

"C'mon, please…?"


"Pretty please?"


"Not even one little…"


Dark huffed and muttered under his breath. "Is it my fault that every remotely strong mage or warrior seems to want to kill me?"

Yoko turned around and glared at him, fixing him to the spot with a scowl to match his own, "Yes it bloody well is!" She stomped up to him and pointed a finger right at his nose so he had to go cross-eyed to see it. "If you weren't so damn strong then no-one would want to kill you and then you wouldn't get killed by randomly passing mages practically every day and I wouldn't get so worked up every time you got yourself killed and then I'd be much calmer and you'd probably be able to get what you wanted from a much calmer me so therefore it is ALL! YOUR! FAULT!"

"Whaaaa!" Dark yelled, falling backwards from a sitting position to a less than sitting position. "Okay! Okay! I'm sorry! I'm sorry for making you worry so much about me when I get killed!" He scrambled backwards ungracefully.

"Good! You'd better be!" Yoko huffed.

Dark sighed an anime mushroom sigh and glanced over at Gara, who was sitting on a stool next to the table Yoko had been warding the mage away from for the past half an hour. "Is it really so hard to get a taste of one little chocolate?"

Gara chuckled. Yoko huffed. And Dark sighed sadly. He was never going to get Yoko to give him one of her chocolates.


A/N: It was originally going to be ice-cream… but I don't think they have refrigerators anymore there, and thus logic scored five points against me. Please hit the shiny little review button on your way out. :puppy-dog eyes: And please tell me if I spelled all their names right… I wasn't paying attention to the episode titles… :sheepish: