A/N: Once again I am drawn to this website, and am liking the changes! Anywho, yes this is yet another epic tale of love on behalf of the dead Devan Maguire. Bits and pieces may be just a tiny bit confusing to the public, mostly things about her ex, but if you take into account everything I mention about him, then you will get the gist. Told through Devan's point of view and is set just after her phone call to Jordan in Fire From The Sky. Ending is kinda open to interpretation.

Disclaimer: I do not by any means own Crossing Jordan or any of its characters. And lyrics belong to Sarah McLachlan's Angel. Great song so if you have the chance to find it, listen to it!

In The Arms Of The Angel

I wanted to stop. I needed to stop. Crying over this wasn't going to help anyone, especially not me. I had tried for a year now to forget about him, forget the things he put me through. Everything had come back to me today in a rush of pain and betrayal as I heard him whisper to me that he was sorry for what he had done and that he wanted us to work once again. And I told him there was somebody else. Somebody who made me laugh even when he wasn't trying to be funny. Somebody who made me happy if I thought about my life in retrospect. Somebody who cared enough to listen. Somebody who was there for me. Then he had lost it, yelling and saying how much he had sacrificed to become the person he was now, to forget about the person he was then.

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always one reason

To feel not good enough

Forlornly looking over at the stairs a few feet in front of me, I acknowledged the fact that I had to walk down them soon with a slow recognition. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as I leaned heavily against the door of the empty hotel room. If I forgot about the flight I supposed to catch in two hours, I would be able to sleep in the cold bed instead of rushing blindly back to Boston for a shift that someone I thought a friend would not even cover for me this once. But then, she didn't consider me a friend, did she?

And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh beautiful release

Memory seeps from my veins

Everything seemed surreal as I slowly lifted myself up off of the cold, wooden door, brushing my hair back carelessly with my hand when I straightened. I suddenly remembered a photo that had been taken some weeks ago. It was ridiculous how the mind played tricks on you when you were upset. I had put that photo carefully into the drawer of my desk at work, thinking it would be safe there, that those memories would be safe. It was a copy of the photo from Bug's birthday that had been taken just before we all left for the Pogue. We were all standing together, the whole Family. Family. That's what Jordan had called it after my first working case. Welcome to the Family. Did she still think of me as her sister?

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

And Woody. What was I to him now that I had betrayed his wishes by coming to Washington? He hadn't wanted me to see my ex-fiancé, said it was a bad idea that could get worse if I did. I had left this morning. Early, before he woke up. I didn't tell him where I was going, but I had the feeling he knew what I was doing…somehow. I wanted closure…but what I had now was anything but. Now I had too many questions that would remain unanswered if I caught that plane in two hours. But maybe that would be for the best, remaining unsettled with not knowing everything about the past. Maybe I wasn't meant to know everything in this life.

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that your fear

In that photo we were happy, all of us. The entire Family. We were happy even though all of us had demons lurking around in us somewhere, waiting to possess us. I had been possessed. By wanting to know exactly what had happened last year I had been drawn to Washington to confront those demons…and my ex-fiancé. I had learned little in the time that we conversed and I realised that being possessed by those demons wasn't worth leaving those I cared about in the dark.

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

I glanced quickly at my bag and tried desperately to push those two conversations I had out of my mind. One of them had been with Jordan, and I think that had stung me the most; knowing that someone who had invited me into her Family was not willing to do me a favour. And maybe that had been because she had already pulled a double-shift…or maybe it was because I had taken the one thing she placed above all other importance; Woody. And the other phone call I received I wanted nothing more than to forget about, not because I had to hear him speak in a language that was a lie to him, but because he begged me to stay, after screaming at me in that café. I told him I was out, never wanting to come back.

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There's vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting

And you keep on building the lie

That you make up for all that you lack

Then that was it…until it really hit hard that I had lost something so important and I didn't think I could ever get it back. She had known about Woody and me for a while, and latched on to Garret. I saw it. Her eyes told me everything. She wanted Woody but I had gotten to him first. I thought fleetingly that perhaps what I had with Woody wasn't worth losing Jordan's friendship over, but this thing with Woody was special and it meant something to both me and him. And if that meant having to deal without Jordan's immediate friendship, then so be it. After all, none of this really had anything at all to do with her, no matter her history with Woody.

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness

Oh this glorious sadness

That brings me to my knees

That photo captured the people we really were. Not the demons, but the angels. The angels were there from the beginning, and were ever present as life floated by. However the demons tended to stray and lurk inside until they drifted to the surface and took over. Then it was up to the angels to save. And usually they did. But I had the feeling my demons would never fade. They were lurking too deep in me that I didn't know how to call them out. I only knew how to suppress them. And even then that didn't do any good because they would always rise again.

Woody didn't know the story of my relationship with my ex…and he didn't need to know. It was a dangerous relationship that had begun with harmless flirtation, and had eventually turned into something more. He had a past dealing with crime, or more specifically, he was the crime. He often called and spoke in French, only to hide his voice from transmitters and communicators. He was a bad person and I had helped turn him into a monster. A demon.

You're in the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

Sighing resignedly, I realised that if I caught that plane I wouldn't have to deal with him ever again. I could be free to live my life without restraints. I could be free to believe in love again.

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

The angel could save me from the darkness the demon hungered for. I had no more fear; I was free from it.

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

I would return home just in time to see Woody holding up the usual bag of Chinese food, his childish grin making me surrender to ecstasy.

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

I probably wouldn't make it now…

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

…but I had to get on that plane. I had to see him again.