Right, so I've already passed this mark before. I'd just like to say that at this point I have about twenty chapters that are finished so far. I need to do the rest of them. This is obviously going to take some time so all I can say is thank you all so much for giving me the support and giving me the time and not flaming me too badly or anything.
I'm really really sorry about the new format but what can you do?
Chapter 7-Barbeques and Birthday wishes
Demons. They do some very human things at times. Especially if they happen to be half human anyway. Take today for example. Everyone is at Dante's house in the backyard, talking, eating and basically trying to stop Arson and Burry from burning the hedges in the area. The reason why? It's Dante's birthday.
That's right. Dante's birthday.
'Gran'pa?' Arson asked innocently, blinking his eyes endearingly. 'How old are you?'
Dante was silent.
'Yeah how old are you?' Trish asked. Dante glared at her but said nothing. Burry suddenly jumped out of nowhere, waving her zippo around.
'ZIPPO!' she yowled.
Everyone glared at her quickly, angry that they had been distracted. Burry looked around sheepishly before waving her zippo around some more. Nevertheless, she had succeeded in bringing the attention to herself.
'Why do you call yourself Burryk?' Arson asked, bouncing around, ready to annoy like the weapon of destruction he is.
'Maybe because Burry likes being called that.' Busta grumbled angrily, trying to act sensible, a pointless endeavor.
'Maybe.' Kikoken murmured her agreement.
Zelly suddenly remembered the subject of their previous discussion and gleefully pounced on Dante again. 'Who cares how old you are? You're mine!' she cackled wildly.
Dante sighed and looked miserable. Zelly appeared not to notice, or care and picked him up using the strength that only the mighty Dante fangirls possess. Because everyone knows that Dante fangirls are special. Arson suddenly pouted and looked moody.
'I'm bored,' he whined. Burry looked towards him and grinned fiendishly.
'Well I've got someone who could be a friend of yours!'
'Yeah same!' Vampy cried.
Chasm glared at Vampy with his two eyes.
Vampy glared at Chasm with her two eyes. Arson looked between the two crazy shrinks and pouted.
'I want friends!' he bawled. Belle frowned slightly.
'Well isn't Rayne your friend?'
Rayne was busy. Hitting on someone. At the mention of his name, he looked up, slightly panicked. 'Me? Uh…YEAH SURE I AM!' He laughed nervously before looking around edgily before turning back to his prey. 'So baby, when should I pick you up, huh?'
This was too much for Dawn, who promptly got up, screamed at him wildly before hitting him. The girl Rayne was hitting on suddenly got up and hit on Dawn. Literally. By kicking her in the shins. Rayne groaned, seeing nothing but trouble.
'No Lizz! No!' he yelled. Lizz grabbed Dawn by the hair in response and tossed her into the swimming pool.
'OOOOH FUN!' Arson yelled excitedly before jumping in. Sadly, he started to drown. Everyone looked towards his owner and frowned, but Busta was completely oblivious. She should never have been given a hot dog. It's her weakness.
'Shouldn't you help him?' Kikoken asked, raising an eyebrow. Busta finished her hot dog and looked confused.
'My boyfriend's grandson…' Zelly said. She turned around to Dante before cooing at him and fluttering her eyes at him endearingly. Trish looked pissed off, and glared at Zelly angrily.
'Your boyfriend? YOUR boyfriend?' She snarled.
'Arson's new friend will save him.' Burry grinned happily. She twirled around, did a dance before clicking her fingers twice and giving everyone the bird. This complicated summon summoned Dyne, her OC. Dyne looked around before grabbing Arson and hauling him out of the swimming pool. Arson didn't appear to be too upset as he danced around and made random noises.
'BLAH BLAH BLOO MOO GRWAPPA INKA!'
Dyne looked worried before quirking his eyebrows. 'Okay?' Burry continued to dance like Yuna, bringing forth another summon, OC, thing; Tye, Dyne's brother.
'He worries me…' Tye muttered.
Arson looked up at him before kissing him happily.
'GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' Tye screamed loudly before jumping into the pool. Dyne stared towards Arson before whimpering and backing away slowly. Arson blinked at him several times before he got a bright idea. Singing.
'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! Deedlee deedlee! There they are all standing in a rooooooooow!' he sang. This was too much for Dyne's mind.
'DADDY!' he screamed before grabbing Dante, who continued to look miserable.
Arson was thinking hard about the matter at hand. Which spelt trouble. 'If he's your Daddy then that must mean you're MY Daddy!' he squealed at Dyne, running after him. Dyne screamed and ran away as Arson continued to chase him. 'DADDY! DADDY!' he yelled happily, with a huge grin on his face.
Dante stared at them as they ran around him as though he were some sort of totem pole.
'I'm confused.' Lizz grumbled, looking to Rayne.
'Oh.' Rayne said helpfully before trying to drag her into a bedroom.
Arson squealed before tackling Dyne finally. 'Hi Daddy! I'm your little boy, Arson! I'M YOUR SON!'
'DAAAAAAAAD! GET HIM OFF ME!'
Dante decided that now was as good a time as any to get up. He tried to shake Zelly off of his foot but failed miserably.
'Um…I have many clones,' he tried to explain.
Dyne raised his eyebrows. 'Meaning?'
'Your father is a clone of me.'
Arson, unsurprisingly, looked confused.
Dyne stared at Dante in shock.
Arson decided to kiss Dyne.
Dyne immediately fell into a state of paralysis.
Belle looked at Dyne's reaction with interest. 'What kind of special power is that?'
Busta looked sheepish. 'Um…I don't really know.'
Zelly cooed before kissing Dante on the cheek. 'Just as long as I don't have it. Trish continued to get angrier and angrier. Burry suddenly ran past everyone holding her zippo but accidentally burned off Chasm's hair. Chasm gave a huge roar before charging at Burry with all the grace of a hippo, missing her by a mile and head butting a tree.
'Curses!' he bawled. Arson blinked and frowned at Chasm.
'The Godsend never curses!' he proclaimed loudly.
'GET OFF ME YOU STINKING LITTLE MOTHER-' Dante growled, glaring at Zelly.
Arson gasped, his eyes welling up with tears, shocked.
Zelly gasped before getting up and kicking Dante in the shins. 'THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO WRITE A NICE DANTE!'
A minute later, another Nice Dante appeared. 'Hello,' he smiled amicably.
'Hello!' yelled his sidekick, Ray, who promptly aimed a shotgun at the original grumpy Dante.
'FATHER!' screamed Dyne, running to Nice Dante for protection. Nice Dante was certainly nicer, but he wasn't COMPLETELY nice. As a result, he ended up looking miserable.
'See? Isn't he beautiful?' Zelly gushed, falling in love with both of the Dantes.
Kikoken frowned, looking at everyone. '……this is weird. I'm leaving.'
'Don't go yet! It's time for the cake!' yelled Busta.
Kikoken sighed and watched as Chasm and Vampy brought in the cake while muttering dire threats at each other. The cake was shaped like a skull.
'Ooooooh! How delightfully morbid!' Trish squealed excitedly.
Dante and Nice Dante looked confused. 'Wha-?'
'Never mind. Blow out the candles!' Trish squealed.
Dante immediately decided to faint from the heat of the candles.
'FIRE FIRE FIRE!' Arson suddenly screamed before cackling in a fit of hyperactivity. He stared around with a manic gleam in his eyes before grabbing a fistful of cake and hurling it at Burry, cackling all the while.
Burry growled and frowned before suddenly quoting from her favourite movie in the whole world. X-men 2. 'I can manipulate fire…but not create it…' And with that, she pushed Arson into the swimming pool again. Arson shrieked and growled before pointing at her.
'USGAL MOLTIVANA IS MY HUSBAND!'
Tye surfaced from the swimming pool, where he had been lying about like some mutated crocodile and stared at Arson in fear. 'Get away from me!'
Arson decided that now would be a good time to realize he was in water and drown.
Kikoken looked around at everyone, to see that they were unconcerned. 'I guess I'll save him…' she grumbled.
Nice Dante was at the barbeque, asking for a burger, when he suddenly fainted from the heat.
Busta blinked and looked around, puzzled. 'Why are the Dantes fainting from the heat?'
'One. Because they're old. Two. Because Arson lighted the fires of both the candles and the barbeques.' Rayne explained. Busta blinked before looking down at them and kicking Nice Dante. At that point, before she could do any further damage, Belle came wondering up to the Barbeque stand.
'I'd like a steak please!' she cried happily. Busta looked down at the griddle and frowned.
'How do you want it? Burnt? Charred? Or incinerated?'
'Um…raw?' Busta looked relieved by Belle's choice and tossed her a raw steak. Dante woke up at that point and groaned. Kikoken tried to cheer him up by cutting him a slice of cake with a single candle on it. 'Blow it out and make a wish!'
'PIGGIE!' Arson squealed, clamping down on Kikoken's back.
'I AM NOT A PIGGIE!' Kikoken snarled, slapping the snot out of him. Arson froze, looked up at her before his bottom lip began to tremble, his eyes welling up with tears. Before anyone could move, he had started to cry. Zelly, Vampy, Kikoken and Burry all melted at the sight of him. 'Awwwwwwwwww…isn't he so cute?' The girls all started to hug him and coo. Arson squealed happily before dancing about. Dante stared at the scene and grumbled.
'I wish I was little again' And with that, he blew out the candle and squealed like a girl as he started to shrink, the clothes becoming too big for him. 'What the-?' Busta and Belle turned around first and gasped, staring at him. Chasm saw what was happening and decided to draw his own conclusions.
'MADNESS I TELL YOU! IT'S ALL MADNESS! HE'S SHRINKING!' he bellowed, sounding like an elephant.
Dante the Chibi giggled and stared at everyone through huge blue chibified eyes. Arson stared at him in shock before kneeling down in front of him.
'Dad!' roared Dyne. Tye groaned.
'Oh Gawd not this again!'
Chasm saw the chaos and whimpered before trying to drown himself in a glass of punch. Vampy looked at him witheringly before rolling her eyes. 'You're crazy…'
'ARGH! ARGH! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!' Chasm screamed in response.
Arson suddenly felt as though something was missing. They had balloon, cake, party poppers, a barbeque…suddenly, he realized what it is. He squealed before whipping out a bra and putting it on his head. 'Look it's my party hat!'
Chasm saw the bra and gasped before fainting again.
Vampy suddenly had a thought. 'How did he escape from my farm anyway?'
Mundus appeared from nowhere, cackling like the evil demon in a stone statue he is.
Belle glared up at him fiercely while trying to force Dante into a pink frock. 'What the hell are you doing here?'
Mundus smiled happily. 'I was invited by my best friend.'
'You actually have friends?'
'HEYA UNCLE!' Arson bellowed, toddling up and grabbing Mundus' legs and makes cute faces.
Everyone turned to stare at Busta, searching for answers for Arson's weird behaviour. 'Um…' Busta saw a case of blueberries and pointed to them. Arson grinned at that point, his teeth and tongue were blue.
Chasm woke up at that point, saw Arson's blue teeth and bra and stcreamed before running through the fence. 'I BID THEE GOOD DAY! SARCASM IS LOST UPON ME! ROMEO WHERE ART THOU?'
Vampy grinned happily.
'Um…I think he's lost it.' Trish tried to point out.
Vampy looked towards her, thrilled. 'And so ends another psychiatrist's career…because of you. LESS COMPETITION FOR ME!'
Trish got out a chart and chalked up another line. 'Well now for our 97860th psychiatrist. Will you take the job?'
'Is there a psychiatrist here?' Trish whimpered. Kikoken blinked before smiling.
'Oh my sister's husband's friend's uncle's cousin's daughter's best friend's iguana was a psychiatrist.'
Everyone stared at her in shock. Somewhere, crickets started chirping. Kikoken scowled at everyone.
Trish continued to stare at her.
Zelly suddenly pointed and screamed. 'LOOK! THE CHIBI IS RUNNING LOOSE!'
Dante ran out of the backyard, climbed the fence and danced in the middle of the road hyperly in his little pink frock. 'YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!' he yelled, obviously having the time of his life in a pink frock.
Trish gasped and pointed too. 'Ohno! A car's coming!' Arson suddenly struck a superhero pose.
'I know just what to do!' He ran out into the road swinging his bra over his head like a weapon and put it on properly before posing again. 'Look everyone! I'm Trish!'
The Car screeched to a halt and hit a nearby lamppost. Arson gasped and shrieked.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mr. Versalius!' he bawled, running over to the lamppost.
Dante promptly got tired and did what nearly all kids do. Sat down and picked his nose.
Busta looked towards Zelly, asking her to do something about the Chibi. Zelly shuddered. 'Euw…' She decided to ignore the Chibi and went back to hugging the Nice Dante.
Arson continued hugging the lamppost. Trish shuddered.
'That's just sick.'
Arson started to cry. 'He's mortally wounded, Trish! Mr. Versalius is going to die!'
Trish sighed before folding her arms. 'It's an inanimate object.'
Arson stopped crying, distracted by a long word. 'Wha-?'
Dante suddenly got up again and tugged Zelly's leg with his snotty hands.
Zelly scowled before kicking the chibi to the other side of the garden.
Kikoken picked up the chibi and held him at arm's length. 'What is it?'
Dante's face crumpled up slightly and turned red. 'I have to go potty!'
Dante grinned happily. 'Okay!' He squealed as he wet himself.
Kikoken gasped before getting mad and dropping him roughly. 'YOU BRAT!'
Tye smiled placidly. 'I'm glad I don't have a kid.'
Burry snickered before crawling up to him. 'Don't worry…I have plans for you.' She whispered in his ear before cackling.
Tye was struck dumb with fear. So was Dyne.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' roared Tye.
'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' Dyne yelled. Tye stopped yelling and turned to glare at him.
'Why are you screaming?'
'Because if there's another stupid person like you around in several years time I will die.'
Tye smacked him hard and pouted.
Dyne glared at him in shock and bitch slapped him in return.
Tye started to pull Dyne's hair roughly. Dyne roared and did the same, grumbling and hissing.
'OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!' Tye yelped. Dyne suddenly let go and ran off.
Tye punched the air and did a victory dance. 'HAH! I won!'
Busta was quick to destroy his ego. 'Um…no…you just got yourself in a catfight.'
Tye growled and slapped her. Busta hissed with anger before kicking him in the nuts.
Arson squeaked suddenly. 'LOOK! MY GRAN'PA'S RUNNING WILD!'
Belle was eating a burger. She suddenly got a crazed look in her eyes. 'Wild? Go Neoberus!'
'Aw shucks…' her "Pokemon" grumbled.
Belle pointed at Dante. 'Use your tackle attack!'
Neo sighed before walking up to Dante and sniffing him over. 'Okay.' And with that, he tapped him lightly with a paw.
Dante started to bawl and shatter glass. Belle squealed before chucking a Pokeball at him. Dante squeaked and growled before wriggling around inside the Pokeball.
'He's trying to escape!' yelled Neo.
'MOMMY!' screamed Dante from inside the ball.
Trish suddenly turned all motherly and picked up the Pokeball.
Arson grinned before grabbing it off her and stuffing it in his mouth. 'YAY!'
Trish growled before smashing her fist into the back of his head.
Arson spat it out and pouted. 'I was hoping it's a cherry…'
Belle suddenly noticed that the ball had stopped moving. 'LOOK! I CAUGHT A NEW POKEMON!' She stole the ball from Trish and started running around happily. 'I'm gonna train it, and evolve it into a…a…Dent-head!'
'Not if my Arse-off can help it!' Rayne yelled before striking a pose.
Arson started eating blueberries and chuckling and giggling, looking ridiculous.
Busta groaned before slapping her forehead.
Zelly continued to hug her Nice Dante. 'Could you go save your chibi?'
Nice Dante stared down at her before looking shocked. 'But I'll have to hit her!'
'But you'd be saving someone.' Zelly smiled at him endearingly.
'But I'd hit someone…and that's mean!'
Zelly growled before getting out her notepad and scribbling him out of the script. 'Damn Nice Dante…'
Busta decided to try and help Rayne and Dante. 'Arson…will you turn into an Arse-off if I promise to take you to the park?'
'What's a park?'
'Um…a place with swings…'
Arson looked at her blankly.
Arson frowned slightly.
Arson squealed and clapped his hands. 'OOOH! HATS! YAY!' And with that, he turned devil.
'Go Arse-off use your flamethrower attack!' bawled Rayne, pointing at Neoberus.
"Arse-off" fell asleep instead, leaving Rayne to sigh. Mundus suddenly grabbed the Pokeball and cracked it using a nut sheller thingy. Dante popped out of the pokeball before looking at Mundus through his huge blue eyes. 'DADDY!' He squealed happily, hugging Mundus' leg. Sparda appeared from nowhere, looking pissed.
'I'M YOUR FATHER!'
Dante shrieked. 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
Sparda groaned and rolled his eyes. 'How did I know that one was coming?'
Dante started wailing and kicking and rolling in the mud. Sparda frowned at his son before getting an idea and putting Snoopy on for him. Dante immediately calmed down and started watching TV.
Kikoken turned to Burry again. 'So Burry…why the K in your name?'
Burry smiled. 'Well…I don't know how to spell Bury…and I don't like koalas. The K stands for koalas.'
Kikoken frowned, looking confused. 'Bury Koalas?'
Meanwhile, Chasm was running in the streets singing the theme tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Vampy heard him and frowned.
Chasm ran into a forest, screaming as though he were in the Blair Witch Project. 'NO DON'T KILL ME! NO DON'T KILL ME!' He roared as he slammed into a tree. Vampy rolled her eyes.
Chasm heard that and growled before flipping her off.
'…me-…' Vanpy suddenly noticed everyone staring at her.
Kikoken frowned. 'We've got to teach you how to insult people.'
Zelly glared at the chibified Dante. 'You should have asked him when he was older…' She sniffed, insulted.
Rayne suddenly remembered something and kicked Arson. 'I had to leave off something very important just to save your grandfather's ass! And he didn't even need saving!'
Busta sniffed the air. 'Um…Rayne? You're burning.'
'ARRRRRRRGH!' Rayne roared and ran back into the bedroom, where he'd be safe from the light.
'I could always make it worse.' Burry ran after him into the bedroom carrying her zippo but suddenly ran back out screaming. Busta looked at Burry quizzically and stared as Burry pointed towards Arson's bedroom. Busta remembered the strawberry infested walls and groaned.
'I have to go potty…' Dante suddenly proclaimed.
Kikoken ran away screaming.
Busta looked highly irritated. 'Do it in the swimming pool'
'Okay!' Dante grinned happily.
Dawn looked horrified as she was still in the swimming pool. 'NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'
Busta turned away from the sight. 'So how are we going to turn him back? Oh and Kiko, it's safe now.'
Kikoken eventually came out of hiding. 'Thank God!'
Dante looked at Sparda and pouted. 'I want presents'
Sparda snorted and glared at his son. 'Well tough.'
'But it's my birthday!'
Sparda looked surprised. 'It is?'
Everyone glared at him.
Sparda coughed. 'I mean, of course it is!'
Mundus smiled in a friendly generous sort of way before giving Dante a sex toy.
Trish glared at Mundus. 'I see where Dante got that idea then…' Dante looked at the toy, bored before chucking it into the now dirty swimming pool. Tye and Dante shuddered at the same time, looking at the pool and the rude toy that floated in it.
'FRIZBEE!' Arson suddenly shrieked and grabbed a slipper in his mouth and tore it up randomly, leaving Tye and Dyne staring in shock at the random giddy teen. Sparda stared at the five year old Dante broodily before sighing.
'I have an idea.' He promptly smashed in Dante's head. Nothing happened.
'Well that worked.' Trish grumbled.
'I have a better idea.' Zelly cried.
Kikoken shuddered. 'Careful, he didn't wash his hands!'
Zelly suddenly whispered something in Dante's ear.
Dante woke up screaming. 'NO! NO BEDTIME! NO NO NO!'
Zelly laughed evilly. 'Oh yes!'
'But I wanna watch Snoopy!'
'B-b-but!' Dante's eyes began to well up with tears.
'When you're older…like say about 56, you can watch Snoopy.' Zelly grinned.
Dante's eyes widened before he started to cry. 'I DON'T WANNA BE A LITTLE KID ANYMORE!'
Dante gasped in shock before staring down at himself. He was dressed in nothing but a pair of overly tight boxers and a few shreds of ripped pink clothing. His eyes began to water and his voice went high pitched. 'Ow…'
Zelly squealed and drooled.
Busta promptly sprayed her with water. 'Bad girl! Bad!'
Zelly carried on staring.
Dante started to whimper. 'I feel so…I feel like a piece of meat!' He wailed before trying to run off, but could only limp instead.
Arson frowned. 'Why's he walking funny?'
Trish decided to try and explain. 'Because his boxers are too tight for him.'
Arson frowned, and failed to realize what Trish meant. 'So what?'
Trish sighed. 'Never mind Arson.'
'But I wanna know!' Arson demanded.
Vampy sighed before deciding to turn crazy. Hell, it seemed like everyone else was. 'MELON LEMON RHYMES WITH LIME!'
Busta gave her an odd look before shaking her head. 'Uh…no…'
'I'm sure I invited someone else…but who?' Arson suddenly cried.
Titer was currently stuck in Hawaii watching girls Hula Dance for him. 'Wasn't I meant to be someplace?'
'Never mind. This party sucks. I'm leaving.' Kikoken growled, before stalking off.
'Me too. Come on Ray,' sighed Zelly.
'I can't believe I got one line…make that two now.' Ray grinned.
'Yes ma'am. Hey! 4 lines now!' Ray did a dance before punching the air and grinning happily.
Zelly promptly got irritated before gagging her OC and shoving him through the fence.
Vampy ran away, barking after a postman and growling at him.
Burry continued to sit down placidly with her zippo of doom.
Dyne started whining. 'I wanna go hooooooooome!'
'Yeah me too!' Tye yelled out his agreement.
'Shut up! I need my revenge!' Burry roared.
Dyne promptly started to wail.
Determined not to be outdone. Tye started to wail too.
Dyne groaned before wailing harder, drowning him out.
Tye hissed at him before wailing even harder than Dyne.
Dyne wailed the hardest he could, knowing Tye couldn't beat him. 'HA HA! I BEAT YOU!'
'Oh poopies…' Tye sighed as they both left.
AT QUARTER TO 9 THE NEXT DAY
'I swear…I will gain my revenge…but on who?' Burry whined, sitting there, forgetting who it was she was meant to get revenge on. Hell…she just liked the idea of revenge.
LATER AFTER DANTE THREW A TOILET ROLL AT BURRY
'So you see, sir. That's the whole thing. I just can't seem to tell anyone the stress I feel! I mean, my partner's grandson keeps wearing bras as hats and my partner seems to think that everyone is laughing at him. He keeps mumbling about boxers…' Trish poured out her heart to the new psychiatrist.
The iguana poked out its tongue.
'Oh you are the best, sir! That's just what I'll do! Poke my tongue out at everyone! Thanks!'
The Iguana simply sat there and poked out its tongue again. Trish happily grinned and walked off, unknowing…
THAT THE TORTURE WOULD CONTINUE!