A/N I own nothing and am making no money. Issues of Anorexia. Read at own risk. SLASH
Severus Snape was never a heavy eater, but he did appreciate his food. Always snacking on something little when he was growing up, rather then tucking in to the full meals laid out for him at dinner time. His mother always use to say " you must stop eating between meals, Severus, it will ruin your stomach" . When he got to Hogwarts, he was amazed at all the choice, and exhilarated by the fact that no one was telling him what he should eat. Always a skinny boy, it would not matter if he always took the more sugary snacks, the more fatty foods. The control was empowering.
He was always careful, to make sure that Potter and Co, never saw him nibbling though, whenever he ate, he was vulnerable, not at his fighting best. He was always a slight boy, slender. Not good for fighting but perfect for blending into the background.
It never mattered. Everything he did was cause for ridicule, humiliation. He was never good enough. Dumbledor always protected his little Gryffindor pets, leaving him in the cold. On the outside, he became a volatile ball of anger, on the inside, he was raw with pain. He was losing whatever control he had.
But there was one thing no one had any control over…
As the hall burst into colour, and the tables flourished a thousand smells and tastes, Severus Snape glanced to the man sitting next to him. Remus Lupin. After 13 years of blissful ignorance, his childhood tormentors had returned. Keeping his breathing calm and steady, Severus ignored the panicky ach of knowing that a werewolf who hated his guts was calmly sitting next to him, conversing with Mirvana. How could the headmaster do this to him again? Did he learn nothing from the last time? How did he convince the parents any way ?
Taking a discreet breath, he raised his eyes to the vibrate feast that was laid out before him. It all looked delicious. All kinds of foods, salads, meat, fruit, chocolate, pasta, soup…something for the most picky of eaters. Feeling the adrenalin race through his veins he selected the simple salad, putting a modest portion on his plate. He would have nothing else. No.
Slowly and methodically he became to eat, crunching the food in his mouth slowly, barely noticing the crunchy and refreshing taste. He was more focused on the food he had said no to . He continued to eat at a slow pace, only eating a small mouthful at a time…
By the time the students were beginning to leave for there dorms, Severus glanced done at his plate. Yes. He had had enough. It looked like enough… If anyone asked, he would say he was feeling unwell. No one would ask. No one looked at his eating habits. What would it matter if they did? Pushing his plate away, he stood up and left the great hall, feeling pride well up within himself.
Severus was different. The Severus Snape that he remembered was a skinny pale boy, full of jittery nerveus's energy. Beautiful in an unconventional way. He was exquisite, unique and exotic .The man who sat next to him was just as thin, just as pale, but the hidden energy, the impression that sitting still was a bore and he had to keep his hands moving, had disappeared. He could not look into the face, since the dark haired man had kept his face forward, and the curtain of black hid most of his features from the werewolf.
Today he had barely moved at all. Reaching out only to get a meagre amount of salad. Eating it so slowly Remus wondered whether he liked it at all. He had been perplexed to find that most of the food had been left by the dark haired man sparking curiosity. As Remus had watched him walk away, he tried to make out the mans figure through the large billowing robes, but found that he could not even distinguish his waist. That was nothing to worry about. Even as young teens, Severus had never liked to exhibit his body, wearing too large clothes, and shapeless robes. But the one time he saw Severus in just his shirt and trousers…Remus still got a soppy smile on his face when he remembered the promise that day appeared to offer…until Sirius fucked it all up. Oh well, no use crying over split milk…
One thing really worried him though.
Remus was always a fan of Severus's hands. As teenagers, the hands had been the first thing that drew the werewolf to the Slytherin. They were beautiful hands. Finely boned, long fingered delicate wrist and smooth skin. So graceful in there movements. Precise and delicate, fleeting and sure, they were the focus on many of Remus's hormonal fantasies. It was no wonder that the man had become a potions master with hands that able.
But like the rest of the man, they had changed.
They were still as delicate and graceful as they always were. Still just as beautiful. But the bones were far more prominent. The wrist more slender. The veins raised the skin on the back of his hands, and as they held the salad tongs, the fingers trembled…
Shaking his head at the thought that something may be wrong, Remus rose to leave the table. He had to go see the Potions Master about the Wolfsbane, he would put his mind at rest then. He was more then likely just shocked at seeing his old school crush , his first desire. He was just worrying over nothing.
Still, inside, the wolf was howling that something was wrong…
After reading this, I would assume that you had guessed correctly about who the anorexic is. As a psychology student, one thing I have study is anorexia and its characteristics. So while Severus may appear to be OOC, it is because I am trying to convey the general attitudes of anorexics to him e.g, the obsession with food. This WILL be SLASH , but I thought this chapter was important to set the ground for the fic.
I hope that I did not insult anyone with my handling of a delicate subject.
Please Review and tell me what you think