Summary: AU. NH and LH. Life knocks you down; you can't get up…
What I am to you is not real
What I am to you you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
-Volcano, Damien Rice
Haley dips the nail polish brush into the small bottle of bright pink nail polish. She slides the bristles over her left thumb and then holds her thumb out to examine it.
Haley looks up to see her boyfriend, Lucas, walk into her apartment.
"Hi." Haley sticks the brush back in the jar and caps it. Her nails are finished, and lightly wet, so when she stands up to hug Lucas a second later, she doesn't use her fingertips to pat his back. "What's up?"
"Nothing." Lucas says, bending down to kiss her lips. Inside, Haley is screaming, and on the outside, she gives a desperate, I'm-really-happy smile. "Haley, it's okay. Um, we don't have to kiss if you don't want to."
"Lucas, please. I am fine." She pecks his cheek. "How are you?"
Haley smiles. "Hey, why don't you go in the bedroom and wait a minute?"
"Sure." Lucas gave her a weird look and disappeared into the hallway. Haley quickly dipped all off her fingers in the bottle of nail polish remover, and fluffed her hair, coming into the bedroom about two minutes after Lucas.
"C'mon." Haley pushes him down on the bed with her hands, and begins to give him light, sensual kisses along his neck. "I want you so bad."
"No. Just go with it." Haley begins working her hands down the front of Lucas's button up, quickly unbuttoning the buttons with her fingertips. She kisses his bare chest, and begins to move her hands around his right nipple, desperate for a familiar nipple ring to toy with. She then realizes that it wasn't him with the ring, and she avoids the area, instead moving her hands to his belt. Lucas kisses the top of her head.
Five minutes later, Lucas is pushing himself inside of Haley.
He says, "Haley!"
She hisses through her teeth: "Nathan."
"You have to do everything I do. You have to love her and respect her and make her happy. You have to make her better. She's so sad, Luke. She cries at night, when she thinks I'm asleep. And then she takes those pills that make her go to sleep. She sleeps in that chair. I hate myself. I'm leaving her all alone…"
Lucas looks surprised, and he stops, quickly pulling himself out of Haley. He rolls off the bed and pulls his boxers up his legs. "You know what, Haley, it's okay. It's okay."
"Lucas, please." Haley covers herself up and sits up.
"It's fine, it's fine. I'll see you around, okay?" Lucas grabs his jeans, pulling them up his legs. Haley looks sad.
"Lucas, I didn't mean it!"
"Look at me, Haley, and tell me that you didn't mean it." Lucas sits down at the end of the bed. She doesn't look at him.
"I'm sorry." She whispers, staring down at her fingernails.
"Sorry doesn't cut it, You called me Nathan. You said you wanted me. I thought you were ready for me and then this…I'm hurt. I love you, and I gave it all up to be here for you. You still love him, I get it, I accept that. But somewhere, you have the room in your heart to love me. But you won't open up." Lucas moves up to the headboard part of the bed and kisses the top of her head.
"Don't tell me what my heart feels like!" Haley cries in anger. "You know nothing about my heart. You don't know anything about what I feel like! I don't know why I'm like this!" Haley quiets down and whispers: "Could we take it slow?"
"Sure. I know that this isn't the life you wanted but I'm trying to create…"
The baby wails and Haley moans. "I gotta go." She grabs the covers, and wraps herself as she leaves the room. Lucas lies back and sighs loudly. She came back five minutes later. "He's okay."
"Good." Lucas says. "I want to make this work…us."
Haley pulls the covers off of her and fluffs them on the bed. She picks up her underwear and slips it on. "Okay." Next, she quickly pulls her bra over the upper half of her torso. "Lucas, you might as well go."
"Haley, Nathan is dead!" Lucas yells, fed up. "Okay? He's gone and he's not coming back!"
She gives him a look and screams: "I hate you! I wish I never slept with you! I hate you! I wish you had died instead of Nathan! Fuck you!"
The baby screams back and cries loudly. Haley runs away out of the room and Lucas groans loudly. He finishes dressing and leaves, slipping out of the door. When Haley goes back to her room and sees no Lucas, she wipes the stream of tears from the edge of her right eye.
The phone rings about twenty minutes later and Haley picks it up without reading the caller I.D.
"It's Luke. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, well, save it. I hate you. Bye." Haley clicks the phone off, and retires to her room to get dressed. She crawls into bed, and sobs - for Lucas and for Nathan.
Lucas sits in his car, waiting at a stoplight, and pounds his head on the steering wheel.
It hurt like hell.
Mostly, it hurt because he knew she would never love him the way he loved her.
In case you couldn't tell, the part with italics was Nathan speaking.
And yes, I'm aware I have a little fascination with girls in my stories saying the wrong name in bed. I don't know, for me, it's so deep and lets you really know what they're thinking. Maybe I'll do something with Nathan calling some random girl he's sleeping with "Haley." Sound interesting?
Please Read and Review!