Title: Used to be Author: Lala Rating: G Pairing: Clark/Lana, kind of. Angsty Clark/Lana, I guess.
Summary: "It's not fair, Lana! You used to be beautiful! And now… now you're worse than what you think Alicia is – was." Post-Pariah.
Spoilers: Pariah.
Author's Notes: I haven't written an episode tag all season, and I think Lana needs to be yelled at. This isn't meant to be taken as anti-Lana or Lana bashing, and if it is, please tell me and I'll delete it. As always, major thanks to Cait for suggestions and for putting up with my incessant babbling.
Disclaimer: The characters within don't belong to me. If they did, things would be waaaay different. Waaaay different.


"Hi." He jumps, which startles her for some reason. She's not used to seeing Clark with his guard down; she's not used to him looking so defeated either. But maybe this is normal for him now, she wouldn't know. They haven't talked in months.

"Lana?" The way he says her name gives her chills. It feels so nice to hear it roll off his tongue again, and yet, as he turns to face her, she sees the pain raw in his eyes.

She's used to Clark being inexpressive. He never talked about how he was feeling; never liked people seeing his emotions. Has that changed since… since when? Before Paris? They'd been distant long before that though.

"I – um – I heard about Alicia." She looks at the grave he's standing over, sees the fresh flowers and feels a stab of guilt. She hasn't put flowers on her parent's grave in months, since before the summer, maybe.

"She liked you, you know." Clark's voice is quiet and takes her by surprise. "She liked you and you hated her."

"She tried to kill me," she says, incredulous.

"She wanted a second chance!" He's yelling now, stepping closer. "She wanted a second chance. I gave her that, why couldn't you!"

"She tried to kill me!" she reiterates.

"And now she's been killed! Alicia's been killed and you still hate her."


"She didn't do anything-"

"She. Tried. To. Kill. Me!"

"Not this time! She's dead, and you're happy about it. Don't try and deny it! The one thing, the only person who accepted me is dead. And you still can't forgive her."

"Clark – "

"My mom was right," he almost whispers. She wants to look at him, but doesn't. She can't bear to see the tears she hears in his voice.

"She said Paris changed you, made you a better person. It changed you, but not in a good way."

She opens her mouth but no words come out. Clark continues speaking, the sobs just below the surface.

"I used to love you, Lana. You were pretty and sweet and so nice. You were nice to everybody, even me. Even though you didn't know me, you always smiled at me. And now I know you or at least, I did, and you're… you're different. You're selfish and callas and mean."


"When was the last time we talked, Lana? When was the last time you weren't mad at me for something beyond my control?"

"That's not – "

"Yes it is! It's not fair, Lana! You used to be beautiful! And now… now you're worse than what you think Alicia is – was."

"Clark!" But he's somehow gone.

She stands where he was, at a complete loss. "I'm sorry," she finally says. "Alicia? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hate you, I was just scared. And I still am. And I want Clark to know that, but I… I can't tell him, not now. I didn't mean to be such a terrible person, Alicia. I really didn't. Alicia? Tell Clark I'm sorry."

And her tears fall where Clark's used to be.