It Was Only a Kiss
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter...now that, that's all cleared up, on with the show!
Author's Note: I really like Remus/Hermione ships but I've never tried writing one of my own, so be gentle...I hope they aren't too terribly ooc.
It was only a kiss
Remus Lupin slumped against the wall of his apartment. There was the faint glint of cool sweat on his forehead, his breaths were quick and shallow, and the silver light of the half moon peeked through the curtains creating a magical feeling. His normally cool, collected demeanor had been shattered, with one kiss.
It was only a kiss.
Yes, why was it such a big deal then? He had kissed many a woman before. Well perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration, he had certainly kissed enough that this shouldn't be such an enormous deal though, he reasoned with aggravation.
"None were like her though…" his heart whispered back in response to his logical mind. Remus growled with irritation, and slammed his fist into the wall, the thin dry wall buckled in a small cave around his clenched hand. He sighed with slight pain mingled with relief. It would be easy enough to cast a quick Reparo, but somehow that seemed inappropriate at the moment, he didn't want it fixed, he'd let it stay there as a reminder of what happened when you let yourself get caught up in your emotions.
Hermione Granger sat on her bed in 12 Grimmauld place staring out the window in wonder. What had just happened? She had just experienced her first real kiss. This should be a moment of girlish excitement; she should be jumping up and down with Ginny screaming with joy. Why was it then, that all she felt was the deepest confusion of her life? After all, it was only a kiss…
It was only a kiss.
No, it wasn't only a kiss, her heart whispered back. She wasn't even sure how it had happened. She had gone to return a book she had taken from the library in the old derelict house, and she found him there. He was slumped in the corner clutching a photo album titled "Hogwarts", written in Sirius' writing. Next to him there was a half-empty bottle of Fire Whiskey and a box of chocolate frogs, the cards scattered in messy piles around him. His eyes were red, and he had dark shadows around them, his amber iris' faded to a sick muted yellowish color.
She had been about to turn and leave him to his thoughts, when he called out.
"Hello…" he whispered in a raspy voice.
All thoughts of leaving vanished. He had saw her, it would be cruel of her to leave now. Besides, he had comforted her before. When Harry had left them to go do whatever it was he did for Dumbledore, Remus was a constant source of reassurance, though he knew as little about Harry's location as she did. Harry was an Unspeakable, not by choice though. He had fought strongly to be allowed to become an Auror, but Dumbledore stood firm in his decision. Exactly why Harry had to become an Unspeakable, Hermione wasn't sure of, but she thought it might have something to do with the War against Voldemort.
She sighed shaking her head, she was losing her track of thought, she had been trying to remember how the kiss had even came to be.
"Hello" he had whispered in his raspy voice.
It was raining out side, and the only light in the dusty old library came from the shadowed half moon. Remus was wearing a tattered gray tee shirt and a pair of jeans that were so old, faded, and tattered they could have been mistaken for fashionable in the muggle world. But, Hermione knew better, Remus had stopped caring since Sirius had died, he was his last connection to a happier time in his life, his best friend. Hermione felt a pang of pity; he had lost everything that had ever mattered to him.
She took a step forward into the pale moonlight, his eyes making her aware that she was wearing only her long, sleeveless cotton nightgown. She hadn't planned on being seen, at this hour she hadn't thought anyone else would be awake.
He smiled slightly. Not a happy smile, like his had once been, a mere shadow of something, perhaps amusement at the situation, she couldn't be sure. "Hello Remus." She said in a hushed voice. "Do you want to talk?" she asked this more out of politeness than anything, she knew he would decline, as he always did.
"Come sit…" he croaked, waving her over next to him. She walked slowly towards him and sat about a foot away from him, facing each other. The smell of fire whiskey was strong, it made her eyes water. Without his normally stoic manner he seemed younger some how, more vulnerable, she had the sudden desire to grab his hand and tell him everything would be okay.
"Remus I…" she nearly gasped when he touched a long slender finger to her lips.
"Shhh…" he whispered. Hermione felt her stomach flutter slightly. He was much, much too close right now. "Follow me." He said standing up with only a small amount of difficulty. He was smiling now, a boyish smile, a handsome smile, one she had never seen before.
She felt a bit nervous about what this could be about, but at least he seemed to feel a bit better now. She followed him through a long dark corridor she had never seen before in Grimmauld place, which was odd considering she had helped clean a majority of the house. It led into a large chamber, but instead of looking like the rest of the rooms, it seemed to be outdoors. Hermione knew a few basic charms that could accomplish this affect, but this was incredible. There were exotic plants beautiful and strange all around. Looking at the ceiling she saw the stars.
"What is this place?" she asked mystified.
Remus smirked, "The noble gardens of Black, or should I say now Lupin."
"You did all this?" she asked surprised.
"No." he replied quietly. "Sirius had started it when Dumbledore kept him house bound, it used to be the House Elf decapitation chamber." Hermione winced at the cruel practice, but then felt a deeper sadness replace it. Sirius, he had done this, and now Lupin felt bound to keep it alive for his friend. "It's beautiful isn't it? Sometimes I come here just to think…You're the only other person who knows about this now…" he said sadly. He looked up at the sky, into the endless blackness lit by the twinkling stars and the silvery moon, she saw his shoulders sag and he let out a ragged sob.
"Remus…Shhh…it's okay I promise." Hermione said whispering, rubbing his back gently as if he were a young child. She had never seen him like this; he was so strong, stoic, and resilient. But now, he was so…sad, she had never seen sadness like this, even in Harry. She supposed that Remus really had no one. Harry had Ron, her, Ginny, Neville, and so many more. He literally had no one left.
"I just miss him so much." He said in a raspy whisper. "I miss them all so much…so much"
Hermione felt so helpless, she hugged her arms around him trying to relax him, but she was getting on the verge of tears herself. Then before she knew what as happening his lips were upon hers. Her initial reaction was shock, overwhelming, total surprise. He wasn't kissing her forcefully or anything; it was just, where in the world had it come from. Instead of pulling away from him though, she wrapped her arms around his neck, it felt right, like this was something meant to happen. After about ten seconds he broke the kiss abruptly though, and stepped back with a look mingled between pleasure and horror.
"I'm…so sorry Hermione…goodnight." He said shakily as he turned and practically ran out of the garden room.
She stood there for about five minutes in complete bewilderment before walking back to her room.
Remus paced his sparsely decorated apartment running the past hours events through his mind. He had been up in the library seeking some solitude from Molly, who kept trying to talk to him about Sirius, as she did every time they were in Grimmauld place. He had found an old photo album of Sirius' from Hogwarts mingled in with his family's records of Genealogy and various dark magic books.
While flipping through it he started to feel the on set of a deep depression, worse than he had had in a long time. So he brought out his trusted bottle of Fire Whiskey of course, because he could thing of nothing better to accompany some alone time looking over fond memories of himself and all of his dead, and in Peter's case traitorous friends.
Then he heard someone enter. He had been afraid it was Molly, she would chide him for having such nasty drink in a house with children, though they could hardly be called children, most of them being of age, or at least nearly there. But instead it was Hermione, just his luck to have her of all people find him piss drunk in a library. He had expected a lecture from her that would put Molly's to shame, but instead she was sympathetic. She had grown so mature over the past few years, though he supposed she had been through a great deal of trauma, just as Harry had.
She was wearing this sheer white cotton nightgown that with the moon's radiant night made her seem angelic, and perfect. She reminded him of one of the flowers from the garden, so beautiful and sweet. He just had to show her the garden. She would love it, he knew she would. He led her through the dark, winding corridors. He could sense her tension; he could imagine how he seemed. He nearly laughed, Old Lupin's finally lost it, he's off on a midnight adventure with the suddenly blossomed and mature Hermione Granger. He nearly felt himself blush, she certainly had matured in many ways.
When they arrived at the gardens the serenity of the scene soothed his aching soul temporarily. For a moment he felt truly at peace, though a small voice whispered that perhaps it was the beautiful woman who accompanied him responsible for this, and not the flowers. In fact he had nearly recovered until he started thinking about Sirius again, it was still so painful here in this place, it was a constant reminder of his lost life. He would do anything just to forget it, just to let it go, but then he was afraid, he'd have nothing left. Better pain than emptiness.
His thoughts were swirling making his head explode in pain; he just wanted to be happy again. Then she was their calming him, reassuring him, holding him. He lost control; the comfort she was giving made him feel whole again. All he wanted was to be with her. So he kissed her. It seemed logical enough at the time. But when his mind cleared and he realized what he did, he knew he had to get out of there. What kind of monster must she think he is?
Remus rubbed his throbbing temples in aggravation. Perhaps he was overreacting; after all it was only a kiss. As he lie in his bed, thin ragged sheets covering his sweat-dampened body, he fell asleep thinking, what a wonderful kiss it had been.
Author's Note: Okay so did you like it? I'll write more chapters if you think it's worth continuing, not that stunning of a plot right now, but I have ideas for later. Well please review and thanks for reading!