Harry Potter and the Obvious Solution

Summary: Lord Voldie's newest plan transforms our Boy Wonder pauses for suspense into…Girl Wonder! Hilarity ensues as the sick fantasies of two twisted fan girls come to life (well, not literally of course, because that would, you know, be mongo scary)! Includes shopping, bitchiness, and prancing around in bikinis! Please read and review!

Disclaimer: Sadly, we do not own any of these lovely characters…sob yet… :please hold whilst the authors laugh manically:

Chapter 1: EUREKA!

Lord Voldemort sat down in his purple bean bag chair and frowned. He was sipping a glass of piña colada (a Muggle drink he had become rather fond of) and trying desperately to come up with a solution to the Potter problem. The boy had an annoying tendency of defeating him whenever he came up with a particularly brilliant plan. He needed something even better than his previous…how many was it now? (He counted on his fingers) Ah yes…five.

"Lucius!" He called his favourite minion into his study.

Lucius responded immediately. He was a bit surprised that his master was sitting on a purple bean bag chair.

"My Lord…the chair…"

Lord Voldemort appeared a bit flustered. "It's my thinking chair," he said defensively. "Now recite me the prophecy."

(For reasons not divulged in this fic, the Deatheaters had acquired the remainder of the prophecy.)

"the one with the power to vanquish the dark lord approaches….born to those who thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…and the dark lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the dark lord knowsnot"

"Stop!" Voldemort said. "What was that last line?"

But he will have power the Dark Lord knows not…


But he will have power…

But he will have…

But he…



"What was that, my Lord?"

"It means 'I have found it,'" Voldemort said impatiently. "Now send for Severus Snape."

After Lucius had left the room, Voldemort cackled evilly, sipped his piña colada, and did a happy dance.

" A Sex-Change Potion?" Severus exclaimed. Maybe he's finally cracked, he thought. After all, he is sitting in a purple bean bag chair.

"It's really very simple, Severus," Voldemort said in a business-like tone, inwardly gleefully giggling at the alliteration…ooh, there it goes again!

"I plan to use it as a new punishment for Deatheaters that double-cross me," he lied smoothly…hehe, alliteration!

Okay, I will definitely stay on his good side from now on, Snape thought worriedly.

"Of course I will make the potion, My Lord," Snape said, bowing. "It will be ready in two weeks."

"Ready just in time for the new term," Voldemort murmured to Nagini (in Parseltongue, of course) after Snape Apparated.

"What will be ready, Voldie?"

Voldemort smiled at Nagini's use of his favourite pet name (although he would rather castrate himself than admit it to his Deatheaters.)

"The plan is this, my dear," Voldie hissed. "The prophecy clearly states that HE will have power the Dark Lord knows not…so if HE becomes a SHE, then WE have no more problems."

"Brilliant plan, Voldie!"

Both man and snake then proceeded to do a happy dance. Which, we think you will all agree, was an amazing feat for the snake.

Authors' Notes: : Crouching Tigerlily: This was a little…idea that provided many entertaining hours of discussion, please do not kill us, I now pass you onto my colleague.

: LadyVerse : Yes, yes, please, no flames! We are completely and utterly open to constructive criticism, but flaming is mean. (Yes, yes, we know it has no plot and WE DON'T CARE! Muahahahahahahahaha! Ha.)