A/N: Please note that this fic is supposed to have incorrect grammar because that's the dialogue of the person telling it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Romeo and Juliet. It belongs to the genius that is William Shakespeare.
Summary: This is a ghetto twist on the ever popular Romeo and Juliet. Rated PG-13 for language, mild drug use, and slight sexual references.
This was originally written November 26, 2002. If you've never read the real Romeo and Juliet then I highly recommend it. I personally love it. This is shortened and a lot was taken out.
Ghetto Romeo and Juliet
'Sup yo? I'm bout to tell ya'll bout my homie, Romeo Montegue. See, he was diggin' this home girl named Roseline. But the chick wasn't feeling him back, you know. So Romeo's boy said, "There's gone be a hype party at the Capulets. We can hook you up!"
Romeo ain't want to go but they finally talked him into it 'cause they got skills like that, you know. Well, they all got these fake IDs so they could get in wit out them Cappies knowin'. But Romeo was still trippin' over Roseline. He said he was just goin' to watch home girl work it on the dance floor. So they went and got in.
Romeo was searchin', tryin' to peep Roseline when he saw the finest chick he ever seen! He was like, "Daaaaaaaaaamn!"
All Romeo's thoughts 'bout Roseline just went away. He walked over to her and was like, "Hey, baby! How you? Want to come wit me?"
"I don't know," the girl said.
"Come on baby," Romeo urged. He winked at her and that seemed to work 'cause all she said was "Hell yeah!"
They went behind a curtain and made out for a little while. This guy, Tybalt had peeped Romeo. And the leader of the Capulet gang was his uncle so he wen and ratted Romeo out. But the leader wasn't feelin' that so he was like, "He ain't hurtin' nobody. What the hell is wrong wit you? Quit bein' a bitch!"
Even after that, that dumbass Tybalt wasn't hearin'. So eventually, Tybalt got all them Montegues rollin' out. But Romeo wasn't goin' for that, so he jumped over the orchard wall to see if he could get another peep at his girl, Juliet.
After they'd made out, Juliet's nurse, which was more like her ma, told her that her new man was in the Montegue gang. And Romeo's boys told him his girl was in the Capulet gang.
The only reason this was a prob is 'cause them gangs was enemies. And Juliet was in love wit Romeo. And Romeo knew he wanted to tap that ass but he also wanted to say them three little words to her too. So anyways, when homie jumped over the orchard he saw Juliet standin' on the fire escape of her apartment building. He hid below the fire escape to see if she'd say anything 'bout him.
She was sayin', "Oh Romeo! Romeo! Where you at? This ain't fair! A name ain't shit! Fo'get yo' name and yo' father. Or if you can't I'll marry you and that'll change my name. I love you Romeo. I wanna be yo' baby mama!"
Romeo jumped out and said, "I love you too baby!"
"Damn it!" Juliet screamed. "Don't fuckin' do that!"
"Sorry, Jules," Romeo said. "I do love you, though. I swear by the moon…"
"Don't be quotin' no damn country song. If you gotta swear, swear by yo'self!"
"I do, I swear by myself!"
Then Juliet's nurse called, "Juliet! Where you at girl? Get yo' ass in herre!"
"I'm comin' woman! Chill!" Juliet yelled back. Then she turned to her man and said, "If you ain't a playa and you ain't a liar then get our wedding together and I'll send you a message at nine."
"I'm comin', damn!" Juliet screamed.
"Okay, I will," Romeo said. With one last kiss he turned to go. "I love you!" Romeo called as he walked away.
"I love you too!" Juliet answered as she went in.
"Yo, preach!" Romeo yelled into the preacher's house. "Where you at?"
"What you want?" the preacher asked, comin' to the door.
"I need to get married…today. Can you dig it?"
"Romeo!" preach yelled. "What'd I tell you bout you bout doin' anything wit out protection? I told you you'd end up bein' a daddy!"
"What you talkin' bout?" Romeo asked. "Man! I ain't got no one knocked up! I'm in love!"
"Who's that lucky chick?" preach said. "Oh! Wait, I know. It's that Roseline, ain't it?"
"Nah, man," Romeo said. "It's Juliet Capulet. Hey, man that rhymes. I could use that in some freestyles!"
"What!" preach screamed. "Boy, you gotsta be outta yo mind! You know she yo' enemy!"
"Too late," Romeo said. "If you ain't gone do it, I'll just get someone who will."
"Aight, aight!" preach yelled. "I'll do it."
"Aight. I gotta go. Jules is gonna send me a message."
When Romeo got home he checked his mail and Juliet's letter was already there. Romeo wrote as fast as he could. Juliet was a Catholic and he knew she'd be gone to Confession so he said he'd be at the church waitin'. Romeo got on his baggiest jeans, biggest white tee, and his b-ball hat (side ways). He went to the church and the preach was waitin' on him.
They only had to wait 'bout five minutes when Juliet walked in that church. She had her nails done and her hair did. She'd go on her tight ass black mini skirt with knee high boots and her pink tube top. She walked up and said, "Let's do the damn thang."
And they was married. Now see, after all this, Juliet's cousin, Tybalt (yeah the same fucker from the party) had killed Romeo's dawg, Mercutio. And Romeo wasn't 'bout to take that so he got back at Tybalt and killed him. Romeo was gone go to Juliet's apartment fo' they honeymoon, you know, but Tybalt's family went to the Mayor and got Romeo banished.
But Romeo wasn't gone miss gettin' some so he snuck in wit out Juliet's ma and pops knowin, and got out before he got caught. But durin' all this shit, Juliet's pops had got a plan of his own. He just decided that Juliet was gone marry this punk-ass bitch named Paris. Now, Paris was feelin' Juliet and he ain't had no probs wit a quick marriage. And Juliet's pops said that the weddin' was gone be on Thursday. When her pops told her this, she just freaked out. She screamed, "Hell no! I ain't gone marry that stupid ass mother fucker!"
"Juliet!" Juliet's ma yelled. "Who the hell do you think you are!"
"Mama!" Juliet cried. "Please help me! I don't wanna be wit Paris."
"You gonna marry that boy!" her ma shouted. She walked away from her.
Juliet told the nurse to tell her moms and pops she was gone go to Confession 'cause she knew she was wrong and she'd do what they want. But instead she went to see the preacher's son. His name was Malakai and he was a drug dealer.
When he opened the door to his apartment and saw who it was he said, "Jules! Hey baby, wuzzap?"
"I need yo' help. You got any thang that'll knock me out for 'bout a day? Just so they'll think I'm dead…" she asked.
"Well, yeah, but I ain't gonna give you any."
"What? Why the fuck not?" she said angrily.
"'Cause, I don't give drugs to peeps I care 'bout," Malakai answered.
Juliet took her gun outta her purse and pointed it at him. "Give me the fuckin' drugs damn it, or I'll kill yo' ass and then shoot myself!"
"Okay, okay! Here!" Malakai got a little bottle out wit some blue liquid in it. "Take this right before you go to bed. It'll keep you knocked out for twenny-fo' hours. They'll think you're dead and put you in your tomb 'cause a burial would be too open. I'll write Romeo…"
"Hold up," Juliet started. "I ain't never told you 'bout me and Romeo. How you know?"
"My pops told me."
Then there was a knock on the door. "Kai! Open the damn door! NOW! I want my fuckin' money bitch!" someone called through the door.
"Aight!" Kai yelled. He turned to Juliet. "You best get outta here, befo' you get shot."
"Aight." She climbed out of the window and down the fire escape.
So, that night, Juliet took the drug. And just like Malakai said, it knocked her out. In the mornin' Juliet's nurse came in and said, "Juliet! Jules! Get yo' ass out of that bed! Today's yo' weddin' day! You gonna sleep through it? Ah! Juliet!"
She walked into her room and was like, "Oh, my God! She's dead! She's…NO! She's dead!" Juliet's parents came runnin' in the room. Now I'm not gonna go through all that but they was all cryin' and shit and they put Juliet in the tomb. While all this was goin' on the mailman wit Romeo's letter from Kai dropped it like a dumbass. So Romeo never got it.
One of Romeo's boys heard 'bout Juliet but he ain't know 'bout Kai and Juliet's plan so he went to Romeo. He was like, "Romeo, uh…'bout Jules…"
"Word!" Romeo said. "What 'bout her?"
"I don't know how to say this…but she's dead."
"Yeah," said Romeo's bro. "I'm sorry man."
"Get outta my way." Romeo got his own plan though. He went to this other drug dealer who sold the hard shit and got this stuff that would kill him in seconds. Romeo decided he couldn't live wit out his girl. He went all the way to Juliet's tomb and got in. He saw her lying on a table in the middle of the tomb. He was like "Girl! You still look fine as hell. I'll see you in heaven baby!"
Romeo drank the drug he had. But then, right as he swallowed, Juliet's eyes shot open. It was too late though. Romeo fell to the ground. Juliet sat up.
"NO!" She got off the table and went to Romeo on the flo'. "No, no, no!" she screamed. When she saw the bottle that the poison was in she picked it up. "Damn it! Yo' greedy ass is gonna take all the poison and not leave me any! Maybe some is on yo' lips."
She bent down and kissed him. She waited and nothin' happened. "Then I'll take yo' gun and shoot myself." She did jus that too. She picked it up from Romeo's pants and pointed it at her temple. "I love you," she whispered as she pulled the trigger.
Aight, that's the story. But I'm gonna leave ya'll wit this freestyle:
There ain't no sadder story yo
Than this one 'bout
Home girl and her Romeo.