I don't own Kim Possible, her way-cool sidekick, or his naked mole rat. Too bad for me.
"Does anything penetrate that thick skull of yours, Stoppable?"
"Mr. B! I was just, um…"
"That's right, Stoppable, excuses, excuses. Well, no one makes excuses on my watch! Detention, today after school." He slammed a slip of paper down on Ron's desk and walked away. "I'll be waiting."
Ron hung his head and stared at the paper, then over at Kim, who was looking at him fixedly with a raised eyebrow.
"Zone out much?" she asked.
"Sorry, KP. But Zombie Mayhem IV came with a whole bunch of cheat codes! I was on level nine!"
"Yeah. You should have been studying. You knew we had a test today."
"Aw, Kim…can't a guy have some down-time? You know, relax, eat some snackage? I've got my priorities straight."
"Okay, okay… Listen, if you'll just wait until after detention, we can go see what Drakken and Motor Ed have been up to."
"Ron, those two are crazy together. We've got to stop them ASAP. They've been hooking up for a week now, and we still haven't been able to catch them."
Ron slumped back in his chair, putting his sneakers up on the desk. Rufus rolled out of his pocket, yawning. "Come on, KP, we'll catch 'em. We always do. Eventually."
"Dude, seriously. You cannot be serious. That is sooo weak!"
"Oh really? And what would you have gotten?"
Motor Ed jumped up from the chair he'd been sitting in and began walking around the table in Drakken's lair, staring at the contraption. "Well, first off bro, ya gotta admit, this thing is seriously weak."
"Weak? It's a vacuum cleaner, not a doomsday device!" Drakken paused. "Though I seem to recall someone trying to make a doomsday device out of one though…"
"See, that's where you're wrong. The DoomVoom 3000. Imagine it."
"The DoomVoom 3000?" asked Drakken flatly. "I thought it was supposed to clean up cookie crumbs, not blow up her apartment."
Shego idly looked up from her magazine she was reading to watch them. They were both standing on opposite sides of the table, gesturing wildly and banging their fists into their palms. Sooo stupid.
"Great. Tricking out a vacuum cleaner. What will they think of next?" she mumbled sarcastically.
Overhearing her, Drakken turned.
"Tricking out the vacuum cleaner is the greatest idea ever, Shego. You'll see, one day, my brand of vacuum cleaner will be the best thing money can buy. I'll be rich! If the world wants clean living rooms, they'll have to ask me!"
"Hey, you just said my idea was lame! Seriously bro, what's your damage?" demanded Motor Ed.
"Quiet," Drakken muttered out of the corner of his mouth. Then, more loudly, "You'll see, Shego. This isn't just going to be an ordinary birthday present. The DoomVoom 3000 will be vital in my conquest for world domination!" He raised his hands in the air, cackling madly in triumph, then paused. "But first we have to figure out how to wrap it."
"Wade, got anymore leads on Drakken and Motor Ed?" asked Kim. She was standing outside her locker, waiting for Mr. Barkin to release Ron from detention.
"Yep. Earlier today, a department store in Colorado reported seeing a strange, bluish man buy a vacuum cleaner."
"What on earth does Drakken want with a vacuum cleaner? Wait…did you say he bought it!"
"Yep. Paid in cash."
"So, back to question one. Why does Drakken want a vacuum cleaner?"
"Who knows. You got anything else?"
"There was a break-in at a party supply store in that same area just a few days ago. See any connection?"
"I can't see Drakken wanting party hats and balloons, so, no."
"That's what I thought. The police took care of it, but they said more than half the store's merchandise was stolen."
Kim turned to see Ron lean against the locker beside her. "Well, learned you lesson, yet, zombie boy?"
Ron glared at her. "Kim, video games are an art, and zombies are a way of life! Algebra…when am I ever gonna need that? Trust me Kim, I've got my priorities all sorted out."
"I'm sure. Wade's just been telling me that Drakken has taken to buying household appliances."
"He bought a vacuum cleaner," volunteered Wade.
"We're gonna go check it out. I just hope this vacuum cleaner doesn't turn out to be another weather machine," said Kim, shutting her locker. "Come on, Ron. We're going to Colorado."
"Balloons, check. Plates and napkins, check. Piñata, check. Pin-the-tale-on-the-donkey, check."
"Whoa, whoa, Dr. D. 'Pin-the-tale-on-the-donkey?' Aren't we a little…old for that?"
"Nonsense, Shego. Everyone will have a wonderful time. Now, where did I put the guest list?"
Shego looked around and saw a long list hanging over the side of the table. She picked it up with her pointer finger, letting it unroll and fall to the floor. "That's a lotta people, Dr. D."
"Precisely. The more, the merrier, that's what I always say!"
Shego glanced at the list as Drakken hurried away. DNAmy (figures), Duff Kiligan, Dr. Freeman (like he was gonna come), Mr. Hench….she scanned down further. Monkey Fist, Senor Senior Junior, the buffoon, Dr. Dementor (oh, that would be interesting)….wait.
The buffoon? Who was he? Some sort of hired clown or something? Wait…no, it couldn't be…
"Hey, Dr. Drakken, who's this guy on your list?"
"Who?" asked Drakken from behind a large pile of balloons.
"Oh, that's Kim Possible's sidekick."
"What!" spluttered Shego. "You invited Kim Possible's sidekick to the party?"
"Of course. After all, he did switch places with me for a while."
"But, but…how're you gonna get him to come?"
"Simple, Shego. I merely have to send him an invitation, complete with the mention of light refreshments, and the buffoon will be here."
"So it's supposed to actually be a trap for Kim Possible?"
"No, no, no." Drakken extricated himself from the pile of balloons. "It Kim Possible finds out that what we're doing, she'll crash the party! That would be awful! All my planning, all my scheming, months of exhaustive covert operations down the drain! No, Shego. Kim Possible must not find out about this plan, or everything I've been working toward…. will be ruined!" he finished, shouting as he paced about the room, flailing his arms in the air.
"Whoa, calm down, Dr. D. I get the point. Innocent party, no Kim Possible to ruin it. Gotcha."
"Good. Now, I need you to go order a white sheet cake."
"So he didn't do anything suspicious?" Kim asked the department store clerk.
"No," replied the black-haired man wearing glasses and a tie. "He just seemed nervous."
"Hmmm… Well, thanks anyway, Mr. Baker.
"Anytime, Miss Possible."
Kim walked away from the cash register to where Ron was leaning against a display rack, slurping at a soda.
"We struck out here," she said, deflated. "You guys have any luck?"
Ron shook his head, as did Rufus, who was sitting on his shoulder licking at a tootsie pop. "I got nothin'."
They turned and started walking down the hallway and into the food court. Ron shook his drink a bit. "Man. You pay a buck eighty-five for one of these badboys, and it's gone two minutes later. It's all watered down, too."
"Ever hear of the drinking fountain, Ron?"
"Hey…water, or a slurpster. Like I said, I've got my priorities straight," he said proudly.
"I can see that. Hey, it's a Friday night, no school tomorrow. Wanna catch a movie before we go home?"
"Yeah! We could see that new zombie movie that just came out!" Ron jumped up and down.
"Not exactly what I had in mind," muttered Kim.
"Well, what were you thinking?" demanded Ron.
"I dunno. Just not zombies and monsters, that's all."
"KP, the only other stuff in the theater is those mushy teen chick-flicks. They're dumb."
"Only if you're a guy. Come on, just this once let's see something other than an action movie."
"Please?" She played her puppy-dog pout card.
"Aw man… Fine!" he yelled, giving in. "But if I have nightmares, you're gonna pay!" he shouted, pointing at her.
"Fair enough," she said, and grabbed his arm, dragging him past the bakery towards the movie theater.
Just then, Kim caught something green out of the corner of her eye and turned.
"Ron, look!" she whispered
Ron looked over at the bakery. "Ooh! The brownies are on sale!"
"Huh…oh! Wait, what's she doing?" he asked, amused.
"It looks like she's…no way!"
"She's buying a cake."
"Come on, Ron," said Kim and started dragging him towards Shego.
Just before they reached her, Shego heard them and spun around. "Oh, crap," she mumbled. "I'll pick it up tomorrow," she shouted to the cashier as she spun around, trying to get away before Kim Possible could catch her. Yeah right.
As Shego bolted, so did Kim. Ron watched as Shego leaped up on top of a Coke machine, then over the catwalk railing to the floor above. Kim frowned and pulled out her grappling hook, swinging after her. Just as she was about to reach the upper level, Shego's hands began to glow and she slashed Kim's rope in half, sending her crashing back to the ground while she got away.
"Kim!" Ron yelled, hurrying over.
She sat up, rubbing at the back of her head. "That is wrong on so many levels," she said.
"You okay?" asked Ron, pulling her up.
"Yeah. How do you explain that though? Shego buying a cake? Drakken buying a vacuum. Maybe they've gone crazy and did do the party store heist."
"Mmm, maybe. Anyway, we should probably just go home now."
"Trying to get out of the movie?" asked Kim cunningly.
Kim smiled in a defeated sort of way. "All right, you win. Home it is." She linked her arm in Ron's and together they headed for the exit.
"Dude! I told not to do that, cuz! Seriously!" Motor Ed backed away from the now very different vacuum cleaner.
"What? I did exactly what you told me to. I attached the amplifier to the motor, just like you said."
"But you didn't move the belt first! Seriously!" Motor Ed shouted.
"Seriously, I did!" Drakken shouted back.
"Yo, Dr. D!"
The two men continued their squabbling. Shego tried again. "Hey! Dr. D! Drakken! Ahg!" She shot fiery green bolts at the ground in front of them. That got their attention.
"What?" they both shouted at once.
Shego sighed and walked into the room, critically appraising the demented vacuum cleaner. "Bad news. Kim Possible's onto us."
"Seriously?" they asked at the same time.
"Uhg, stop doing that!"
"What?" they asked in unison.
Shego growled, trying her best to refrain from shooting more directly at them. Through grating teeth, she spoke. "I said, Kim Possible is onto us. And would you please stop talking at the same time?"
"No way! Red is here?" shouted Motor Ed.
"I hope Kimmy and her dopey sidekick decided to give up and go home after I Kim fell," muttered Shego, turning to leave.
"Hey! Takin'on Red? Dude, seriously, you got the green magic, baby!" Motor Ed rolled around on the floor, madly playing his air guitar. Shego rolled her eyes.
"Must you do that?" asked Drakken. "You're acting like a buffoon, Eddy!"
"Hey, Kim! KP!" Ron ran up the walk to Kim's house the next morning. Just as he reached up to bang on the door, Kim opened it, still in her pajamas.
"It's Saturday morning, Ron. Why are you awake?"
"Cuz look what I got in the mail!" He shoved an envelope up to her face. As she read the envelope, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.
"No way! Drakken mailed you something? What's in it?"
"An invitation to a birthday party," he said, sauntering past her and into the Possible's family room.
"A birthday party? Wait. So it was Drakken and Shego who broke into the party store in Colorado!"
"Ron, who's the party for?"
"Doesn't say. Just says I'm invited, and that there's gonna be food!"
"Yippee. When is it?"
"Let me guess: in Colorado?"
"Point for you."
Kim whipped the Kimmunicator out of her pocket and activated it.
"Morning, Wade. Update on the Drakken problem."
"Hey, Kim. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as I can tell."
"Look for strange activity in Colorado. Doesn't have to be robberies or break-ins, just anything odd."
Wade sipped at his drink and toyed with his mouse for a moment. "Got it. It says here that a local warehouse has been rented out for some shindig tomorrow."
Kim snatched the invitation from Ron. "The addresses match."
"For what?" asked Wade.
"Ron got invited to a party with Drakken tomorrow."
"Drakken's throwing a party?"
"He must have some hidden agenda. And we're going to find out what it is. That's where you come in, Ron."
"Me?" Ron blinked sleepily.
"Not quite awake, are we?" asked Kim.
"I told you. Zombies are a way of life."
"Charming. You're going to this party tomorrow, and I'm coming with you."
"But you're not invited."
"I am now."
The warehouse was covered in various party decorations and swarming with people. Villains, mostly. Kim scowled as she and Ron peered down at the party from the skylight outside.
"This doesn't look good, Ron," Kim muttered.
"Yeah it does! Look at that cake! It's HUGE!" Ron started drooling. Beside him, Rufus rubbed his tummy and jumped up and down.
"Cake! Yummy!" he squeaked.
"Just be careful, okay. I'll be up here if anything goes wrong," said Kim.
Ron stared at her. "You're acting like my mother."
"Hey, you're walking into a room crawling with bad guys. Like you would say, 'bad road.'"
"Aw, come on, KP! I'll be careful. Now can I go already?"
"Fine," muttered Kim. Ron grinned and scooped Rufus up, hurrying to the fire escape ladder they had used to climb up.
Ron knocked on the warehouse door. A moment later, Drakken opened it, grinning widely. "Ah! The buffoon is here! Come in and have some refreshements. Our guest of honor should be arriving shortly."
"Guest of honor? Who's that?" asked Ron as he headed for the snack bar.
"You'll see. It's a surprise."
Ron looked around the room. Kim was right, it was crawling in villains. There was a loud stereo system set up at the back of the room, and Motor Ed was jumping up and down madly beside it, playing his air guitar and shouting. Ron strolled past the ping-pong table where Drakken's henchmen were duking it out.
"Nice party," he commented, plopping himself down in a chair beside Senor Senior Junior. "'Sup, SSJ?" he asked.
"If you are referring to my well-being, I would be much better off if they would play some disco music so I could dance!" Junior said, sounding slightly put-off that anyone could stand to listen to anything but disco.
"Yeah, ya might have a problem there. Motor Ed isn't gonna give up the stereo. Unless…we steal it from him."
Junior raised his eyebrow. "Steal? How does one steal a stereo player?"
"Come on, your dad musta taught you something about stealing."
"My father wants to take over the world."
"Yeah. You know, I think my algebra teacher does too. She's kinda mental. But come on, let's go."
"Change the music!"
Kim couldn't see what was happening to Ron. She had lost him after he and Junior had stood up and moved. Frowning, she searched the crowd again. Just then, Drakken started shouting, and everyone scurried to hide. The lights went out.
There was a loud knock on the door. "Drew Lipski, are you in there?" called a high, female voice.
"Coming, mother!" Drakken shouted back, hurrying to open the door.
"Drewby, what on earth are you doing leaving your mother in the cold like that? And why are the lights off?"
"Because, mother, it's a…"
The lights came on and everyone in the room jumped up from their hiding places to greet Mama Lipski.
"Oh! Drewby, you didn't! You remembered my birthday!"
"Of course, mother. And these are all my friends from the radio station."
"Are they doctors too?"
"Some of them."
"Oh! And there's Eddy over there! I'm so glad to see you're a positive influence on him. We were so worried for a while."
"Oh, yes. He's quite improved, mother. Now, mother, would you care for some cake?" he asked, taking her arm and escorting her to the snack bar.
Kim slid down the ladder and ran for the front door, determined to find out what was going on. Just as she reached for the door knob, Shego jumped from the shadows and stood in front of the door, barring it.
"Don't think so, princess."
"Back off, Shego. I know what you're doing."
"Oh, really? Why don't you let me show you before you decide to kung-fu it out." Shego opened the door and gestured for Kim to go in.
It was the strangest thing Kim had ever seen, or heard, for that matter. Almost every villain she had ever fought was in the room, wearing party hats, and singing happy birthday…to Drakken's mother.
"No way!" Kim whispered.
"That's what I said."
"Now mother, for your birthday present!"
"Oh, my! Drewby, Eddy, oh, you didn't…" Mama Lipski started pulling the wrapping paper off the huge present. As the last bit of paper fluttered to the ground, she gasped. "Oh, my! A new vacuum cleaner! Oh, Drewby, you remembered I needed a new one!"
"It's not just any vacuum, mother. Eddy and I made this one special. It's called the DoomVoom 3000. This vacuum will render all other household appliances useless. It not only vacuums, but it mops, dusts, bakes cookies, washes windows, and does the laundry!"
Kim stared in disbelief at the vacuum. Shego walked up behind her with a slice of cake and offered it to Kim.
"Here, Kimmy. Looks like you busted us again."
"I can't believe it. Drakken actually did something…nice. This is definitely a ten on the weirdness scale," said Kim.
Shego grinned. "Seriously."