Kissing Girls

She's kissed girls before.

Well, girl. Once. She and Holly and Luke were playing some stupid drinking game and Luke dared her to kiss Holly and she did because they'd both had way too much to drink and because she'd been in love with Luke then and hadn't realised that both he and Holly were going to betray her. No one else knows about it, she doesn't think, and she'd have forgotten it had ever happened if Luke hadn't brought it up once, jogging the hazy memory.

She thought that her one kiss meant that this was going to be easy, but the truth is that kissing Alex is nothing like kissing Holly. Kissing Alex isn't like kissing girls the way she used to think kissing girls was, whenever she did occasionally think about it, because it should be easier with girls, right? They're not guys, the same rules don't apply. It's fun and light-hearted and consequence-free.

She's realised now that it's not about whether you're kissing a guy or a girl, not really. Sure, a kiss means more to a guy, most of the time, because guys and girls together, that's the standard, right? And girls together, well, that's not supposed to mean anything, right? Only it's not like that, it's not like stupid drunken kisses with Holly while her boyfriend watches appreciatively, it's not like kissing a girl just for the sake of trying out something new and different.

Kissing Alex is nothing like that. Kissing Alex isn't easier just because she's a girl, just because she has breasts and long hair and a lack of stubble. And it's not easier because they started off as friends, because when she looks back on the time they've spent together, part of her knows that they could have never stayed as just good friends. It's as nerve-wracking as kissing a guy, as kissing someone she's into, because a kiss can mean so much.

A kiss can mean something to one person and be interpreted in a completely different way by the other person. A kiss can be too chaste or too enthusiastic. A kiss can be inappropriate. A kiss can be disappointing. A kiss can destroy a relationship before it even begins. And in the pit of her stomach there is the fear that so many things could go wrong with kissing Alex.

A kiss looks deceptively simple. Two mouths, together, two sets of lips pressed against each other, two tongues exploring. It doesn't sound like much. In practise, things are very different. And when it works, when it's right –

And it does work. And it is right. And kissing Alex is just as exhilarating, just as thrilling and exciting and wonderful as kissing a guy could ever be. And when she kisses Alex, it's the only thing in the world that she can think about, and everything fades away, and there is just sensation and pleasure and all the nervousness is worth it.

And she knows that kissing girls, or kissing guys, doesn't matter. What matters is kissing the right person. And she's found her.