Written By: Laura Dugan
Story Idea: Sharon Parsons
Feedback: Kindly, at I don't own any of it: the show, the characters, nothing. They belong to Pebblehut, PAX and its subsidiaries.
Category: Humor, Jack/Sue Romance
Summary: Humorous look at a Halloween party with Sue and the gang.
Rating: R, I'm giving it an R rating because there is a little bit of language and a lot bit of sexual innuendo.
Notes: This is a complete and total piece of fluff. It's meant to be a parody of the show. The idea just resulted from my friend Sharon after she watched her first (full) episode of the show. I hope you enjoy it and take it for what it is and let me know what you think! Disclaimers and more notes at the end.
"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 5
"Sue, I'm so glad you decided to have a Halloween party! I only wish it wasn't thundering outside. It sounds like a really bad storm. Oh well, I guess it just means we won't get many trick-or-treaters."
"Tara, I live in an apartment building. I don't think that rain makes much of a difference," Sue responded wanly.
"By the way, I love your costume!"
"Thanks, I thought it was pretty creative."
"I still don't get it," Lucy chimed in. Tara was wearing a white t-shirt with a silk-screened piece of wood over her stomach, which protruded with a fake stomach making her look like she was pregnant.
"See Luce?" Tara said pointing to the wood. "It's a board… And I'm pregnant… Going to be a mother. Get it… Motherboard?"
"Oh yeah!" Lucy responded, the light clicking on. "You're such a computer geek."
Tara grinned. "Well, your costume is totally cool. Where did you get the idea to dress as mold anyway?"
"I guess you could say I was inspired by our refrigerator." Lucy was wearing a white top and brown pants that had been covered with cotton balls that she had spray painted various shades of green, brown, blue, and black. For added effect, she had ironed on a label to the back of her shirt that said "Wonderbread."
"And you, Sue," Tara began, but was interrupted when the door knocked. "I guess the boys are here!" She scampered off to answer it. She flung open the door and Bobby, Jack, Myles, and D stumbled in tossing aside umbrellas and coats. "Well, let's see what we have here!" Tara said as they all walked into the living room where Lucy and Sue were setting out snacks.
Tara continued. "Nice ears, Myles. Way to go all out." He was dressed like normal. Black shirt, black pants. The only differences were Vulcan ears, which he had glued on top of his own.
"Wasting time and money on this ridiculous holiday is illogical."
"At least you're in character," Sue said, laughing before turning to Jack, her eyes widening in surprise. "Jack! What are you wearing?"
"What?" he asked confused as he glanced down at his outfit. "I'm Spiderman!" With that, he flung out his wrist and squirted silly string across the room.
"That's the wrong costume! I told you I was coming as Elektra. You were supposed to be Daredevil."
"Oops? That's all you have to say for yourself?"
"You look hot in leather."
Sue blushed. "Thanks, you look pretty good in red spandex."
"I second the notion that Sue looks hot in leather as for Sparky in spandex… that I could live without," Bobby added. Sue was wearing a black leather corset that showed off much more cleavage than the gang, including Jack, was used to seeing. She was wearing matching black low-slung leather pants with a metal-studded belt that had two loops for Elektra's sais. Sue blushed further.
"I'll get back to you," Tara said looking quizzically at Bobby, trying to figure out his costume. She turned to D instead. He was wearing dark jeans, a black shirt, and a loooooong black leather coat. Tara thought for a moment about the amount of cows that had to die for everyone's Halloween costumes. She sighed. "What is the Matrix?" she finally asked.
"The Matrix is a computer generated dream world," D responded and pulled out a large fake Uzi and proceeded to "shoot" up Sue's apartment before attempting to do the classic Neo dodging bullets trick that did nothing more than land him on his ass. "Ow," he said as stood back up. "I think I bruised something."
"Nothing more than your ego, my man," Bobby quipped.
"Okay, Bobby, your turn. I can see that you are dressed as some sort of monkey, but the rest is lost on me. What's with all of the added gear?"
"I'm not a monkey!" he said proudly. "I'm a chimpanzee. The chimpanzees from the Barenaked Ladies song 'Another Postcard' to be exact." He was wearing a chimp suit of some sort, but attached to it were all sorts of odds and ends. He was wearing a hard hat, swimming trunks, a chain, a toy mustang, a vine, boots, a stuffed kitten, a birthday card, a toy fish, a bra, a tulip, a valentine, and the piece de resistance: a toilet seat attached to his backside.
"Only you, Bobby," Tara remarked.
"What? I think it's funny!" Bobby grinned and started dancing around the room, the toilet seat bumping him every time he bopped up and down. "Another postcard with chimpanzeeeees and everyone is addressed to meeeee… Some chimps in swim suits, some chimps a-swinging from the vine, some chimps in jackboots, some chimps that wish the could be mine."
"Okay, that's enough of that!" Jack grabbed Bobby and bonked him on his hard hat. Suddenly there was an enormous clap of thunder at which everyone but Sue jumped. She looked at them strangely.
"What did I miss?"
"Thunder," Jack signed. "Very loud." Sue nodded.
Sue assumed there was another loud clap because everyone jumped again and then everything went dark. Sue hated the dark. It meant she lost her two main forms of communication: signing and lip reading. Some signs she could make out in dim light, but it was pitch black in her apartment. As her eyes adjusted she could just begin to make out the outlines of her friends' bodies. She suddenly felt a hand on her arm. "Jack?" She felt him draw a "y" on her forearm and he moved closer, his hands moving up her arms and down her leather bustier. "Jack!" she squealed.
Meanwhile, in the rest of the apartment, there was a bustle of noise as Lucy, Myles, D, Tara, and Bobby searched for flashlights.
"I know I have one in my bedroom!" Lucy said as she slowly made her way to her room. Suddenly there was a groan and a thump followed by a high-pitched yelp.
"What happened?" D asked.
"Nothing, I'm okay. I tripped over something and fell on top of Levi's tail. We're okay." Meanwhile, Levi was thinking Speak for yourself. He skulked off to a corner while Lucy picked herself up and found her way into the bedroom. She located her nightstand and felt around for the flashlight. "Success!" she bellowed and turned it on to guide her way back to the living room.
When she emerged from her bedroom she was a slim beam of light bouncing around. "Who else has a flashlight?"
"I found a penlight in my jacket pocket," came Myles' reply. "It's not much but it's better than nothing."
"You know, I just realized that Sue must be clueless. She can't tell what we're saying." Lucy paused. "Hey, where is she?" She passed the flashlight beam around the room, finally settling on Sue and Jack who were passionately making out like teenagers, having forgotten there were other people in the room. When the light hit them they pulled away from each other.
"Now that was making out," Lucy said, holding the flashlight up to her mouth so Sue could see what she was saying.
"It was not making out!" Sue replied.
"Oh, I actually witnessed it myself this time. I'd like to hear your explanation."
"I was… trying to see what Jack was saying… I was reading his lips… By using mine. It's a new technique. Very sophisticated."
The entire gang, including Jack, burst into laughter.
"Personally, I think it was the leather," Bobby managed to get out between fits of giggles. Lucy smacked him.
"What did he say?" Sue asked.
Lucy, still holding the flashlight up to her face, responded. "You don't want to know." Suddenly everyone's focus was drawn across the room to Myles, who was holding his small pen light up to his face, the only problem was the beam was about a half-inch wide and couldn't illuminate his entire mouth at once, so he was moving it back and forth quickly under his chin trying to allow Sue to read his lips. Of course, this only caused more laughter to ensue until everyone was cracking up so hard they had fallen to the floor clutching their sides (or each other's sides, as the case was with Jack and Sue) and trying to catch their breath.
When they had calmed down, Myles began again, flailing the flashlight until Lucy took pity on him and tossed him the big one. "What is this, some sort of Blair Witch Project?" Myles asked when he finally got the torch. "I was just trying to say that we should call the electric company or the landlord or go for the fuse box or light candles or SOMETHING you pack of blithering idiots!"
"Geez Myles, loosen up!" Bobby smirked. "Your behavior is highly illogical." Everyone but Sue laughed again, but she didn't care that she had missed the joke because Jack's hands were playing with the tie on the back of her corset.
"Gimme the light back," Lucy said and Myles tossed it to her. She stood and walked over to the kitchen where she opened a drawer and pulled out candles and matches. Once she had lit enough of them so that at least signing would be possible even if lip reading were still going to be a challenge, she distributed them around the room. "There, better," she said, satisfied.
"Thanks," Sue replied even though she was thinking she wouldn't have minded spending more time in the dark with Jack. She grinned at him as she eyed his skin-tight costume up and down.
Suddenly Tara screamed and everyone turned to look at her, including Sue, who followed the trail of Jack's cute rear-end as he turned.
"Tara? What's wrong?" Bobby asked.
"Don't ask me, ask her!" Tara replied.
Everyone looked to where Tara was pointing. A strawberry blond had entered the apartment. She looked to be in her late teens or early twenties and had two other young women with her.
"Who are you?" asked Sue.
"I'm Nancy Drew," the woman replied. "And these are my friends George and Bess. I'm your neighbor, three doors down, and I heard you work for the F.B.I. I need your help with my magic rainbow."
The gang all turned to look at each other, which took a while by the time seven pairs of eyes looked at each person because sometimes Lucy would try to catch Sue's eyes, but Sue would be looking at Bobby or Jack's butt and then Bobby would try to look at Jack but he was looking at D or Sue's corset. By the time they finished, they turned to see that Nancy and her two friends were gone.
Jack shrugged. "Well, that was weird."The End
Disclaimer: As I said, I don't own STFBE, PAX, Pebblehut, etc... Nor do I own Nancy Drew. She belongs to Carolyn Keene. I just borrowed her.
Notes: About the story... Sharon told me she had seen bits of STFBE but had never once actually seen Sue... which I found hysterical. So I went over to her house and we watched "The Kiss" and got really giddy and giggly and Sharon suggested a Halloween story and told me she needed a special prop. Well, once the show ended she searched her house, came back to the room, and made me turn off the lights, which scared me, until she popped into the room with the flashlight shining on her face and we both cracked up laughing. Thus, the magic rainbow was born. If you're wondering, the pizza and steak subtitle refers to what we had for dinner - something in that food made us both very giddy. Please, please, please let me know what you think of my attempt to be funny!