LiL Pippin Padfoot
Disclaimer: Ah, a fresh topic. The Felloswhip goes through Detox.
The REAL Reason for the Fellowship
As soon as Gandalf had the Fellowship lost in the wilderness, he called a meeting.
"Okay," he said "Do all of you remeber the reason for this quest?"
They all nodded and said yes.
"Well, forget it." said Gandalf "All of your parents, guardians, or close friends have paid me to put you through Detox."
"This is purposterous!" said Aragorn "Simply unreasonable."
"Sit down, Lord Elrond has paid me the most. Denethor was second."
"I don't have a problem!" said Boromir
"You all have problems." said Gandalf. "And I've decided that we are going to put all these problems out in the open, so that everybody has no secrets."
Sam stood up. "Since there are no secrets, Mr. Frodo and I-"
"Not like that." said Gandalf shuddering. "Like, problems."
Everybody was confused.
"Okay, I'm just going to say your name, you stand up, and I'll say what your parent, guardian, or close friends have said your problem has, and how much - well that won't matter. Okay, who wants to go first?"
Nobody raised their hand, just looked at Gandalf menacingly.
"Fine. We'll do this alphabeticly. Aragorn, stand up now, your foster father, Lord Elrond has claimed you have developed an aversion to water, and have a serious drug problem."
"I just can't swim!" wailed Aragorn, who sunk back down amidst the sniggers of the group.
"Boromir, your father Denethor has said that you have a serious Drinking problem, and Faramir said that you - oh, that's not very nice of Faramir. Nevermind."
"I do not have a drinking problem!" said Boromir
Everybody rolled their eyes.
"Frodo, Bilbo said you have a serious obbsession with some sort of Ring."
Frodo just had a look of surprise on his face. "But," he sputtered "This Ring, this thing, is EVIL!"
"Quit being a Drama Queen." said Gandalf, who yanked the Ring off the chain, and threw it into the wilderness.
"What the hell?" yelled Frodo, who chased after it.
"Gimli, your father Gloin said that you are afraid of the dark." continued Gandalf
Legolas burst out laughing. "It's a serious problem!" said Gimli
"Legolas," warned Gandalf "I wouldn't be laughing, your father claims that you have a thing for cleanliness."
"So?" asked Legolas as everybody started laughing "I like to be clean."
"Meriadoc Brandybuck, your father, Saradoc said you have smoking problem?"
"NO!" said Merry "I just like the smell."
"Yes, that's the problem, and Pippin, you have smoking and drinking problem, so your father Paladin, sent you."
Pippin, who was smoking and drinking out of a bottledidn't notice.
"Sam." said Gandalf, scanning a list "Ah, right here, your father thinks your gay."
Everybody rolled their eyes as if to say 'Well, we knew that.'
"Our first step is admiting that you have a problem. So, Aragorn start."
"But I don't have a problem!"
"Sure you don't, but then it will be easy to overcome it then, won't it?"
"My name is Aragorn."
"Hi Aragorn." everybody responded.
"I hate water and have weed problems."
"Boromir." instructed Gandalf
"My name's Boromir."
"And I have a spiteful father, and annoyingly needy geek of a brother."
"Now, now, Boromir, that may be the truth, but we're talking about the problems we are going to treat here."
"Fine. I drink to much."
Just then Frodo showed up.
"My precious." he said holding the Ring. He sat down muttering about 'evil old men'
And this went on, until everybody had admitted their problem.
"There!" said Gandalf clapping his hands together "Wasn't that fun?"
That was returned with7 very angry addicties, and one veryscary hobbitlooking at him.
"Just wait till you see what I have planned for tomorrow!" Gandalf clapped his hands with excitement.