A/N: well I didn't think I'd ever be updating this, but just read and tell me what you think! Of course there will be slashyness, or just suggestive slashiness, but read anyway.
John Constantine always woke up in the morning….alone. He would growl, roll out of bed and then trip on his shoes, which he always left right in front of the door. John would stumble into his clothes, sometimes he slept in them, and others he didn't. Some nights he would actually wear pajamas. After he was dressed Constantine always had a smoke, next he would walk into his living room and find Chas sleeping on the couch.
Once in a while Chas would be awake with breakfast made. John liked having breakfast ready for him. He only wished he'd actually told that to Chas…The kid did make good pancakes.
But this morning John Constantine woke up. He was alone as usual, clutching his pillow for dear life. He noticed that the blinds were open and sunlight was pooling into the room. John never, ever, opened those blinds.
The second odd thing he noticed was that he was wearing pajamas, big t-shirts with offensive statements on them and pajama pants. And this morning he was in his favorite such t-shirt with the words, 'You can't have manslaughter without laughter' and plaid pajama pants. John definitely did not remember changing into pajama's the night before.
The third odd thing John noticed was that something smelled good. In fact it smelled like pancakes. And so the famed exorcist Constantine drifted out of bed, in pajamas, and followed his nose to the smell. This morning he did not trip on his shoes, and suddenly his cigarettes were not at his bedside table. But John hoped wherever the good smell came from was where his cigarettes.
John carefully peeked around a corner and saw, possibly the strangest sight in his thirty five years of life. Standing at the stove, bustling around, with a spatula in hand, was Balthazar. Balthazar, as in Balthazar the evil demon from hell who'd bent his entire existence trying to kill Constantine. But what was even stranger was the fact that Balthazar was humming, softly and actually quiet well. But that was beside the point that the bad ass demon from hell….was humming.
"Morning." Balthazar said cheerily. "I thought you would've coughed up a lung by now." The demon looked back at Constantine waiting for a snappy comeback.
John was still partially in shock that there was a demon from hell in his kitchen, cooking pancakes, humming, and being…cheery. "…Uh….I'm still asleep right?"
"You're wit is still suffering." Balthazar said sarcastically. "Sit." He pointed at the chair and table. John sat. The demon walked over to the table with a plate of pancakes and a cigarette.
"So…When'd I get a maid?" John smirked, it was an automatic comeback, because in truth the far famed exorcist still really couldn't believe that a half-breed was making pancakes for him.
"…I'm not a maid." Balthazar growled. He went back to the kitchen and switched the stove off.
"Really? Well you're doing very well, all you need is one of those cute little French maid costumes."
Balthazar glanced over at his now chuckling enemy. "I bet you'd like that."
"What? You in a maid costume." Constantine asked.
"No!" John argued. But never the less his face went bright red. Balthazar smirked. "Whoa! What the fuck are you doing here!" John yelled suddenly as the realization finally hit home.
"I've been here since last night when I saved your ass from being eaten by a pack of crazy demons." Balthazar said nonchalantly, as if it were as perfectly logical question.
"…Oh….well I know that! But why the hell are you making me breakfast!"
Balthazar shrugged. "Because, you shouldn't be living here alone…Besides, you don't eat enough."
"Bu…you want me to die!" The dark haired men yelled.
"Well, yeah, but there's no harm in making your last few years on earth enjoyable."
"…I think that girl slipped something in my drink or something…cause this can't be happening." John looked at the pancakes in front of him before looking up at Balthazar. "I'm not eating anything you touched by the way."
"Still contrary as always,"
An hour later, John was fed and Balthazar was still smirking, the two were walking around the city. Balthazar seemed to know where he was going, but a very aggravated John was just blindly followed the demon.
"Again, why are you helping me…I thought you wanted me dead." John said smoothly.
"Because, you're going to die in a year or two anyway, I'm keeping an eye on you so you don't try some dumb stunt again." Balthazar chuckled.
"Dumb stunt as in saving the world from some psychotic god obsessed angel?" John growled.
"They're all like that." Balthazar growled angrily.
"Angels. Aren't they supposed to be kind and love everybody?"
"Angels are still half breeds, and therefore still human. And frankly humans by nature are complete asses." The demon muttered darkly.
"Not all humans are!" Constantine argued.
"Of course they are. Humans are fearful creatures, and they attack what they fear. By attacking what they fear humans become cruel and attack each other and act like asses. You're scared of someone making breakfast for you."
"I am not!" John yelled.
"Alright," Balthazar allowed, before rubbing his temples in thought, "you're afraid to acknowledge that somebody cares enough to feed you because you're scared that they'll just eave you." Balthazar growled.
"See. Human's are hopeless."
"Where are we going?" John finally growled in a flustered tone.
"Candy land," Balthazar muttered sarcastically.
"Can you think of anything else to say?"
The unlikely duo stopped before a restaurant and Balthazar waltzed in, followed by a slightly nervous, but mostly pissed off Constantine. The man waited tensely for demons to attack him, or Gabriel to leap out and kill him…but it was just a normal restaurant. The most abnormal thing about it was the half-demon requesting a table for two by a window.
"Come on Johnny-boy, you must be hungry." Balthazar teased.
The man growled, glanced back at the entrance of the restaurant before sighing. He was hungry…but that was the only, only reason he was staying with Balthazar. "You know I'm still gonna deport your ass to hell."
"Mmhm," Balthazar said agreeably, obviously not listening to a word his human companion had just said.
"Quit patronizing me." John growled, quickly scanning the menu. "You know the only reason I'm still with you is cause I'm hungry."
"Oh really, nothing else?" Balthazar asked coal black eyes peering over the menu suggestively at John.
"No!" John snarled, blushing yet again.
"Are you absolutely sure? Cause my charms can be very…seductive." Balthazar purred, eyes now smoldering into the humans.
"Yeah, very seductive to fucking animals,"
"Animals? I didn't know you were into that sort of thing."
"Make me," Balthazar challenged lightly.
John glanced around, completely flustered before finally hissing, "Fine, I will!" He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Balthazar's in a barely there kiss before slamming himself back into his seat, cheeks heated and arms crossed protectively over his chest.
"No tongue? That was one god-awful kiss."
"Your baiting me aren't you." John harrumphed. "Well it's not going to work."
"No really," Balthazar smirked, "Your smoky breath disgusting."
Constantine grinned his most feral grin and leaned in, capturing Balthazar's lips again and the human made sure to breath all over the half-breeds face beforehand. As John pulled back, a hand wrapped around the base of his neck and yanked it forward. The man's lips opening in a small O of shock and the demons tongue slithered into the smoky cavern of John's mouth.
That tongue that tasted of fire and brimstone teased John's mortal tongue into a fierce heated battle. John pushed his tongue into Balthazar's mouth and accidentally discovered a fang there. Suddenly Balthazar's eyes opened wide, before the demon's kiss became all the more passionate and it now stung with the sweet metallic tang of Constantine's blood. In a what could only be described as a frenzy Balthazar pushed John's tongue and suddenly drew back from the kiss with a smirk.
The human's cheeks were red, his hair mused, and there were red smears of blood on his lips. The demon leaned over the table, and like a kitten licked all the blood clean off John's lips.
An even more shocked Constantine was carefully pushed back into his chair, breathing hard, being leered at by the sneaky half-breed. "Jesus Christ."
"Has a hard on right now from watching us," Balthazar sniggered.
John made a grunt of disgust before glancing around the restaurant, it seemed as if nobody had noticed their very heavy make out session.
"You know, I was just baiting you. The smoky breath was hot." The half-breed sighed contentedly.
"Well…I still only wanted a free lunch." John finally mumbled.
"Mmhm, whatever you say, Johny-boy. I'm getting a hamburger, how about you?"
"…Something really damn expensive."
A/N: Sooooo if you liked please review and I'll add more.