I do not own Ranma ½. I have not been paid in any way for this work of pure fanfiction. I have no properties, ownerships, or rights to Ranma ½, other than to read the manga and watch the anime.

When Ranma left for China with Shampoo, he left a heartbroken Ukyo, a torn Akane, and an (oddly) indifferent Kodachi in his wake. Kasumi was deeply saddened, while Genma raved about his honorless son. Soun almost caused permanent water damage with his bawling, and Nodoka just wished her son well and hoped he would visit sometimes with her grandchildren. Ryoga was overjoyed, and Kuno was thrilled, believing that the foul sorcerer had fled from his heavenly might, but was despondent over the sudden loss of his pig-tailed girl.

Nabiki was livid. As far as the reactions of the residents of Nerima went, hers was the most terrifying. It was the first time anyone had seen her battle aura, and it sent anyone who saw it fleeing for their lives and wallets. Happosai himself had wandered in, got one look at her, and got lost in such a fashion that Ryoga couldn't keep up with him.

Ranma had left at a grand party hosted by the closing Nekohanten. Everyone had been invited, though no one knew why. Only Kasumi and the Kunos had not been able to attend, since Kasumi had married Doctor Tofu just the previous week, and was still on her honeymoon, and nobody really wanted Kodachi or Tatewaki around. Oddly enough, their father still managed to show.

Right after he announced that he was leaving, Ranma had told Ukyo that he rather not like to see her ever again. She had left in tears, not even starting a fight since she had left her battle spatula at her restaurant.

Ryoga, he told he considered a friend, and he hoped him the best. Pulling him to the side, he whispered in the lost boy's ear that he truly hoped the best for him and Akane. Ryoga had gawked at the pig-tailed martial artist for several minutes afterward, before somehow finding Australia on the way to the bathroom.

A letter was left for Tatewaki Kuno, saying he hoped that Kuno would indeed, grow to be the greatest swordsman in Japan, and that he had no doubts that the older Kuno sibling would succeed, if he trained hard for a few months.

Mousse was nowhere to be found, and in fact, was in China, hatefully preparing for Ranma and Shampoo's arrival.

Ranma told his father he was proud of him, and thanked him for making him the martial artist he was today. In a moment of disturbing emotional outbreak, the sometimes-panda shed a genuine tear when Ranma told his father he loved him. He addressed his mother, promising to bring her to China to see her future grandchildren, and told her to take care of his father in his absence.

Soun, he told he believed was a good man, despite his… faulty tear glands, and wished him well.

Akane, he said, he hoped would have become a truly great martial artist the next time he saw her, and if she could raise herself to the level he knew she could attain, he would show her his ki techniques to make her even greater. He actually gave her a kiss on the forehead, and said he was proud of her as well. Tears had flooded her cheeks, of happiness from his words, and of loss at his choice of Shampoo.

He had taken one look at Nabiki, and said simply, "I hate you to the core of my soul."

The ever-predictable fights that had broken out were quickly halted at the hands of Ranma and a jubilant Cologne (which was creepy to see).

He left the next day.

Once among the Amazons, he was quite happy, and showed everyone equal respect. Those who passed through said that he seemed to cherish the village, for he was always running around with the warriors, giving out pointers, but more often training them directly. He said they weren't up to his standards.

Married for a year, the villagers themselves whispered in quiet how much he seemed to love his wife Shampoo a little more with every passing day. He was always seen doting on her, much to the eternal hatred of Mousse, who was very nearly banished for his actions when he tried to kill Ranma in his sleep. Through his hatred of Ranma and Shampoo's union, he grew to despise the Amazon village itself for it's acceptance of them. He rarely talked to anyone.

When he was not with the warriors or Shampoo, he was almost always in the company of the one he was said to respect the most, the Elder Cologne. He trained with her quite often, and astonished the other Elders with his capacity to learn new techniques at a rate almost unbelievable, as well as his unique capability to make new and impressively successful variations of them. All were awestruck at his different forms of the Hiryu Shoten Ha. Cologne's only complaint, and it was more of a joke, was that she didn't see any black-haired Shampoo's or purple-haired Ranma's on the way yet. Ranma's usual response was to laugh and say, "We're working on it as much as we can," which, strangely enough, embarrassed the usually open Shampoo.

It was on his anniversary that two people appeared at the very edge of the village, beyond sight of any guards. Ranma himself was working in the fields alone, planning a special night for him and his wife. He looked up when he felt someone approach behind him, and looked up in surprise.

"Nabiki." His voice was cold, a reflection of his statement a year ago.

"Ranma Saotome." Hers was an indifferent mask. "I came to tell you what everyone else is doing."

"Couldn't you have just sent a letter? It would have been cheaper."

"It's too personal for that," she said, ignoring his glare. She sighed, and folded her arms across her chest.

"Our fathers drank themselves into a stupor for the first couple of months, but then Daddy took what you said to heart. He's been teaching in the dojo for the last six months, and doesn't cry as much anymore. He's been especially training Akane, who also took what you said very seriously. She's been working really hard. She says that the next time you see her, you'd better be ready to teach those ki techniques. She's got a grip on her temper, and has improved enough to rival Ukyo, and I'd almost say your wife. Something tells me you haven't been slacking either, and you could wipe the floor with her with one hand behind you back. She was very depressed for two months, before Ryoga revealed he's her damned

chan. She crushed him like an egg, and only the 100,000 yen he threw at me saved him from a cold bath followed by a trip to the vet's for neutering. She doesn't blame you, since Ryoga told her about the oath you made, and considering all the damn hints you were dropping in front of her face… she was really upset at Daddy when he let slip that he knew all along, but that's all in the past. She's dating Ryu Kumon of all people, and keeps him in line very well. He's taking classes with Daddy, and has kept his promise not to use the Yamasen-ken, except against Kuno, which your father says is fine, so long as he only uses it against that idiot, and no where else, not even in practice.

"Ever since he told his little secret, Ryoga has rarely been seen. He shows up every once in a while, but doesn't do anything anymore. The first thing out of his mouth is always 'Ranma, prepare to die' before he remembers you're not there anymore. Of course, when he says that, Akane finds him and nails him. She keeps trying to sell him off to Azusa, which is probably why he doesn't come around very much. Happosai gave him the Ultimate Weakness moxibustion after he blew his way into Happy's room with that Breaking Point and destroyed his entire collection. He's lucky he's still got the Iron Skin effect going for him from his training. He only carries a normal backpack instead of that huge thing. He's still got some strength, more than you did, but I think that's because the Iron Skin thing protected him a little. He's with Akari, and they seem happy together.

"Your mother simply drifts everywhere with a glazed look in her eye, happy for eternity, and talks about how much she looks forward to the grandchildren.

"Ukyo moved on just three months ago, she moved her Ucchan's into the old Nekohanten for the extra space, and she's dating Konatsu, who dresses like a boy at her order. It's still formal kimono's and such, but at least it the right clothing for the gender.

"Kodachi is fine, she moved right on to a new obsession within the week of your leaving. Kuno's gone onto college and still obsesses over Akane, pines over your girl form, and is bludgeoned regularly by Ryu Kumon, Akane, and most of the Sailor Scouts, who he also obsesses over. Kumon's become the new foul sorcerer, after he used a vacuum blade to slice Kuno's bokken to pieces.

"Your dad's moved back in with your mother, but still comes over a lot to play shogi with Daddy before classes, and has taken to launching himself at the students at random in surprise attacks. He says it's training, but I think he's bored and likes scaring them. That would explain why half his attacks are that godforsaken Cradle from Hell. He mistook me for a student once, and has been paying me through the nose ever since. I think he genuinely misses you.

"Kasumi's expecting her first childin twomonths; it's a girl, and we've been trying to keep Tofu from climbing the walls. He repaints the kid's room every other week, and we had to tell the hardware store to stop selling him paint. They plan to name her Kimiko, after my mom. They haven't told Daddy yet, because they think he might flood out the house.

"I haven't done anything much. I've graduated, and I'm in college now. Tokyo U, but I still live at home. I bought a small car for traveling to the campus and back. I'm not seeing anyone, and I'm working towards a business degree."

Ranma stared at her impassively.

"What about you, Saotome? Kids? Expecting? Give me something to tell when I go home."

Ranma frowned at her, but then spoke. "No, no kids, and Shampoo's not expecting. I've mastered Mandarin, but mostly because I was tired of hearing people talking around me and not knowing what they were saying. Cologne keeps dropping hints about wanting to be a great-great-great-grandmother, though. I've never stopped training, and I've got almost all the techniques the Amazons have, except for the ones that only girls can perform. I can't do those, since they won't teach them to someone who's only a girl half the time. Turns out Jusenkyo doesn't work for a cure, only mixes the curses up. I don't wanna be half-boy half-girl when I get wet. It's a secret, but I've watched them perform the techniques often enough, that I know them already. Only last month did we finish getting rid of the cat fear out of me through that memory removal technique, but it cost me the neko-ken. It's worth it. At least I can bathe with Shampoo now. I think I love her more everyday, if that's possible. I train the martial artists around here, though I only teach the special techniques the Elders say I can. Some people aren't allowed to know some of them. The only person who makes himself a nuisance around here is Mousse, but he knows he can't win, and he's got the while damn village against him. He hates me with a vengeance."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow at that. "Does he?"

"I suggested putting the Reversal Jewel on him, but Shampoo said that then he'd be going after every other girl in the village, and that would just be mean to the girls. I think I saw Ryoga about five months ago, but he disappeared before I could catch up with him. That's about all there is."

Nabiki nodded. "Still loathe me?"

"As much as I did when I left."

Nabiki scratched her head. At this signal, the only Martial Arts Sharpshooter in Nerima fired at Ranma from almost two miles away.

Ranma never saw it coming, and didn't even get a chance to dodge. It struck exactly where he aimed, and Ranma dropped like a rag doll.


"Oh, hello Nabiki. Did you enjoy your trip to China?"

"Yes Daddy. I brought someone back with me, too."

"Um, hi. Sorry 'bout this."

Deafening squeals of excitement rang through the house.


"RANMA, WELCOME! sob sob"



"Hello, Ranma-kun. Welcome back. Are you hungry?"

"For your food, Kasumi, I'm starving."

Ranma started for the table, while Nabiki paid her hired sharpshooter, who promptly left.

"So, my boy, how's with the Amazons? Learn any new techniques?"

"Are you going to stay a while, Ranma-kun? You might be able to meet my daughter next month."

"Have you kept up your training, Ranma? Why'd you come back?"

"Why'd you cut off your pig-tail? And where's your wife? How is she?"

Ranma sat at the table, smiling, and surrounded. Nabiki dropped next to him, latched onto him in a Tendo Glomp. (Amazon glomps are face-to-face, Tendo Glomps latch onto your side) Across from him sat a mildly embarrassed Ryu Kumon, with Akane attached to him in another Tendo Glomp. His mother and father sat next to each other, on one side of Akane and Ryu. Soun was at the head of the table, sitting next to Kasumi and Tofu. All stared at the rare display of affection shown by Nabiki to a known married man.

"Well, Pops, life with the Amazons was alright. They didn't try to make me a standard Amazon male, and treated me like any other fighter. Mousse was a pain in the ass, but he's alright now. He moved away from the village, and lives with the Musk. I know pretty much everything the Amazons knew, technique-wise anyway. Didn't wanna learn their potions. Mr. Tendo, I'll be staying as long as Nabiki wants me around, and she's also the reason I came back. Akane, I didn't cut off my pig-tail, Nabiki had someone shoot it off. As for Shampoo, she's back with all the other Amazons, they are all together. As for how she's doing…" Ranma held up the removed lock of hair for everyone to see, the Reversal Jewel glittering from inside the twists. "which half are you referring to?"


I am a sick, sick man...