I have an unhealthy obsession with Kakashi, so I figured I should cope somehow. This story barely has a substantial plot-line (BECAUSE PLOTS ARE FOR LOSERS, THAT'S WHY) and at the end of it, Sasuke and Naruto end up in each others arms. Beds. Same thing. Please, enjoy. That's the whole point of this.

Update (July 6, 2008): I rearranged and consolidated the chapters so the story isn't so choppy. Now, the entire story is up on fanfic.

--

Back Seat Anecdotes

Part One

--

"We," I gestured magnanimously, "are going on a road trip."

There was a brief moment of silence, and then Naruto gave out a yell, Sasuke stared, and Sakura raised a perfectly waxed eyebrow.

It wasn't exactly the reaction I was hoping for. I had--after practically going down on my knees in front of Iruka--won them the coveted week-long, fully-paid-for trip that the Hokage awarded one (and only one) genin team. Kurenai probably put a hit out on me already, and I could be fairly certain that Asuma would burn me with one of his cigarettes in the near future.

But then again, who cares what anybody thought. I wanted a vacation, and I had been told that I was not to go anywhere without my subordinates. I wrinkled my nose in disgust when I realized that all my plans to have some fun nightly activities--Iruka wouldn't slip them into the expense sheet--were thrown out the window without any consideration for my mental well-being.

"Hey, hey. Where are we going? Huh? Huh? Where are we going?" Naruto's tenor voice snapped me out of my reverie.

"You'll see."

"Hey, hey. When are we going? Huh? Huh? When are we going?" He piped up again, his enthusiasm for shooting unnecessary questions not phased by the fact that I didn't answer his first assault.

"You'll see."

"Hey, hey. How are we getting there? Huh? Huh? How? How?"

"You'll see."

Sakura looked up at me, her hesitant smile dribbling down her face as her dreams (whatever they were. I could make a pretty accurate guess that it included Sasuke, her and clumsy make-out sessions) were trodden useless by my antics. "You don't have a plan do you, Kakashi-sensei?"

I feigned shock. "Well...you'll see."

Sasuke pinned me with his 'This-better-be-good-and-include-me-and-Naruto-in-a-room-ALONE' glare. I smiled up at him. "You'll see," I repeated though he didn't ask me anything.

His eyebrows changed configuration slightly and he gave me a 'Alone-as-in-a-bed-alone' glare. I nodded.

"Yep. That's part of the deal."

Sakura's head swung back and forth between me and the boy, wondering how I managed to decipher his silent language. I glanced at Naruto to see if he had followed our conversation, but he had a look of complete and utter bafflement on his face which was replaced by that of intense concentration.

"First glare meant something like 'this-is-stupid," he translated. "And Kakashi-sensei said 'you'll see.' So...the second glare must have meant, 'oh-really.' But why did Kakashi-sensei say 'that's part of the deal?" He stopped in his train of thought, was still for another moment, and then, a look of temporary enlightenment crossed his features.

"Oh! I get it! He said it because Sasuke's second glare was 'then it must be really intelligent and related to training.' That's why Kakashi-sensei said 'that's part of the deal.' Cause we're going to train on this vacation."

I took in a deep breath, and attempted to explain to him that I was dangling an offer that said 'Screw One, Screw All' in front of his face, not 'Train And Train.' But all that came out of my oh-so-eloquent mouth was, "You'll see."

--

The seating arrangement was obvious the minute we all looked at the Camry. No doubt, Sakura would refuse with a blush on her face and say that she wouldn't sit with one of the boys. Oh, no, no, no, it would be improper. Naruto and Sasuke would adamantly refuse each other's company, but once I said, 'no buts' Sasuke would shut up and Naruto would follow.

How wrong was I?

Sakura emphasized the fact that she should be sitting in the back with Sasuke in case Naruto attempted to kill him.

Naruto argued that he would rather sit with Sakura than either me or Sasuke, and also that he needed a comfortable sleeping/eating seat.

And Sasuke? His glare was one that obviously translated to 'I-better-be-sitting-with-Naruto-or-I'll-do-bad-things-to-favored-parts-of-your-body.'

I felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of my face.

"Sakura. I need you to sit in the front with me as a navigator. If Naruto sat in the front, we'd get lost. So Sasuke would need to sit in the front in which case you'd have to sit with Naruto." I felt triumphant when I saw Sakura process the information and agree to sit in the front. I glanced at Naruto who huffed angrily, crossing his hands over his chest and stomping around the car into the seat behind the driver's place.

I watched Sasuke's face closely, saw the slight lifting of his lips on one side, and then his face was blank again as he claimed his seat behind Sakura. Sakura and I sat down at the same time, and we buckled our belts before I turned on the ignition.

Behind me, I heard Naruto shift and bit and get more comfortable. Sasuke looked out the window, but I could see that he was attempting to keep himself from staring at Naruto. Sakura looked wistfully over her shoulder at Sasuke before she picked up the driving directions dutifully and read out the first sentence.

And we were off.

The only thing I felt bad about was the fact that I had forgotten to mention to all of them that I already knew the directions by heart.

But they'd live. With only minor injuries inflicted on their virginity.

--

We hit the highway at a steady seventy-miles per hour when Sakura's eyes slowly closed shut and her posture slumped. I reached over and slowly guided her head so that it was resting against the door instead of hanging down loosely.

Naruto was staring at his own reflection in the rear-view mirror with a look of anger and concentration when our eyes met. I smiled at him, but he didn't bother to return the favor. Behind him, the sun was just rising and the cars all gleamed silver and yellow.

As the car sped down the gray tar-seas, movement in the car slowed down. Even Sasuke was beginning to glance at Naruto with fewer intervals and for a longer period of time, while Naruto stared stubbornly outside, refusing to accept Sasuke as company.

We drove on for a while, with me weaving in and out of the rolling masses of cars, one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the gear stick. Until Naruto began to complain.

"I don't want to look at my face."

I raised an eyebrow and met his gaze through the rear-view mirror. I could almost hear Sasuke think, Why? It's a perfectly fine face.

I tried to think of something clever to say but all I could come up with was, "Ah."

Naruto huffed. "Every time I look forward, all I see is my face. I don't want to see my face all the time. It's boring."

Sasuke scoffed, and glanced quickly away when Naruto turned to face him. "I want to switch seats with Sasuke," Naruto declared, still glaring vehemently at his archenemy-cum-future-Bed-Buddy.

I considered Naruto's request, and shrugged my shoulders. "It's up to you. We still have at least nine more hours of driving to do."

There was utter silence, and I saw Sakura flutter her eyes open before closing them again and falling asleep. It was good that she was asleep, I could almost see what was going to happen next.

"Sasuke, let's switch."

Aha! And he scores!

The silent boy's eyes were blank as usual, but he nodded, and unbuckled his seat belt, allowing Naruto to climb over him, almost in a straddling position.

They sat there for, oh, I would call it a minute, and then Naruto moved over to where Sasuke had been sitting, a content look on his face. Sasuke looked like he had just run a marathon. His face was slightly flushed, and his eyes were strained on the cars that passed us, while his chest was forcefully moving up and down in a steady pace.

I glanced into the rear-view mirror, catching Sasuke's wary stare. It was the 'Speak-and-you-die' version, and I wrinkled my eyes in understanding. I sighed contentedly: Now I could tell exactly what Sasuke was thinking. Perfect.

Who said that voyeurism wasn't fun?

A few minutes passed, a few long, slow minutes--Sasuke was in the back, purposefully looking away from Naruto, and Naruto glared out the window, full intensity, 1000 Watts again.

Then, "I need to pee." He drawled out the last vowel in a childish manner, despite his seventeen years, and I saw Sasuke's eye twitch a bit before resuming its natural calm.

I remained silent, but Naruto continued. "I need to pee, Kakashi-sensei!"

I winced at his voice, and then sighed, looking at the signs on the highway. "Yes. I heard."

I heard shifting in the back seat, a large scuffling noise, and I saw Sasuke pale a bit. A smile graced my masked features, and I glanced over my shoulder to see that Naruto was beginning to experiment with position that would best allow him to tame his urge. It looked more like he was trying to conceal an erection. But that was just me.

A few more minutes passed and then I checked the back seat again, noticing with a smile that Naruto had decided to spread out his legs so that his thighs were touching Sasuke's.

Well, well, well. A Mini Icha Icha Paradise, Version Homosexual in the back seat.

"Kakashi-sen--"

"He heard you, damnit!" Sasuke slapped away Naruto's thigh, sending a scorching glare towards the blonde. There was a second of anticipated battle, and then all hell broke lose. There was a flurry of activity that I didn't care to follow (I was driving). I vaguely heard two seat-belts cracking, and then the smell of scorched leather.

Then, all was calm.

Too calm.

I glanced over my shoulder, and there was Naruto pinned down by a very, very, very angry Uchiha. Sasuke was pressing a shuriken (from God only knows where) at Naruto's throat while holding down his wrists.

They stared at each other, and then Sasuke shifted, making himself more comfortable in his perch, and Naruto's breathing sped up a bit more.

Why, oh why, is it that everything has some sort of subliminal message pertaining to sex?

"We heard you, dead-last. You don't have to repeat yourself," Sasuke hissed through his teeth. I maneuvered the car to the right-most lane so I could pull off if I needed to. I glanced over my shoulder again, noticing the dark patch where the leather had scorched. Chakra-powered fists were flying, I see.

Naruto huffed, tickling a tuft of Sasuke's hair into motion. "I wasn't talking to you, you stuck up peacock." Their voices were lowered, almost secretive in their insults, as if they didn't want anyone else to overhear their conversation.

"Then why, pray tell," Sasuke lowered his face closer to Naruto, their noses touching. I could see the glint of his teeth from where I sat, and by then, I had completely given up hopes of driving safely. "Why are you being so loud?"

"I choose to be loud, so I am." Defiance, pure and simple.

"You know I hate noise." A threat. It was iced with years of fist-fights and miniature battles. They were on familiar territory.

"I don't care."

I saw the sudden stretch of a rest-area to my right, and slowly pulled off, still listening and, sometimes, glancing over my shoulder.

Another three seconds passed, and then, when I pulled to a stop in an empty parking lot, I heard a huge, ear-deafening crash, the sudden shriek that Sakura emitted, glass splintering, the sound of metal against tar, and a low, throaty growl.

I glanced over my shoulder, feeling my own anger bubbling. And lo and behold, there was a huge, gaping hole in my car's roof.