A/N- Fear us! For we are QuillsandValium! Okay, so we are actually SlinkyandtheBloodyWands and Patricia de Lioncourt. This fic is a crossover between Harry Potter and Batman. Fun times ahead!
Disclaimer- We don't own Batman, that belongs to Warner Bros. And we don't own Harry Potter, that belongs to JK Rowling. This applies to all chapters.
Chapter 1: Joke's on You!
Albus Dumbledore entered the room.
The scene before him was complete chaos. Aurors, reporters from the Daily Prophet, and even the Minister of Magic was there.
"We need to clear the scene, Albus," the minister said. "Even the muggle journalist are about to arrive!"
"Can you blame them, Cornelius?" the elderly headmaster stated. "Take me to see their bodies."
The minister of magic nodded solemnly. He led the headmaster into the dining room. Seated around the table was a grotesque sight. The three victims were face down in their plates of food, their hands down at their sides and showing no sign of struggle.
Dumbledore looked down at the scene then back at Minister Fudge. "How did they die? They look otherwise unharmed."
Fudge raised a brow. "Lift their heads up, Albus."
"Was it a muggle killing?" Dumbledore asked.
"Just lift their heads up," Fudge insisted.
Dumbledore hesitated then reached down for the hair of the youngest and largest victim. He lifted the young man's head off the plate to find his face frozen in a huge, freakish smile. Comically shoved into the boy's mouth was a shiny red apple.
"Are they all like this?" Dumbledore asked.
The minister nodded.
"Our expert on Muggle Affairs tried to explain this to me, but I didn't understand," Fudge said. "Do you know what's going on, Albus?"
"The Joker, Minister."
"A playing card?"
"No," Dumbledore snapped. "The Joker is a muggle criminal from the U.S.—"
"Damn Yanks," the minister murmured.
"As I was saying, the Joker is a criminal from Gotham City. He has received huge publicity over the years. He was thought to be imprisoned in Arkham Asylum but apparently he has escaped . . . again, from what I've heard."
"But why would he attack the Dursleys, Albus?" the minister asked. "It doesn't make any bloody sense. Why would a muggle criminal be out to ruin me?"
Dumbledore blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"Don't you see?" Fudge exclaimed. "This is a total fiasco. The Prophet's headlines will read "House of Boy-Who-Lived Attacked by Muggle!" This whole sit. . . ."
Dumbledore raised a hand to stop him. "Where is Harry?
Fudge's eyes widened. "I thought he was with your people."
Dumbledore was instantly in a rage. "We must contact him immediately to locate Harry."
"Contact who?" Fudge asked.
"His name is Batman. He is the source on the Joker. His is always the one to capture him. We must contact him!" Dumbledore all but shouted.
Fudge turned from the headmaster to the Daily Prophet reporters, striking a pose for the camera. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry to announce that Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived has been kidnapped!"
At precisely that moment, Harry Potter could have been seen walking toward the Dursleys' home. He had been out just to get away from his piggish cousin Dudley; he found that long walks often helped ease his anger at certain things. He usually returned home to a relative quiet. However, as he looked up at the house, he saw that this was not the case today.
Harry stopped, his head cocked like a confused puppy's as he watched the scene before the house. It seemed that, unbeknownst to his muggle neighbors, there was a large gathering of robed witches and wizards in front of number four Privet Drive.
What's the ministry doing at the Dursleys? he wondered.
"AH HA HA HA HA!"
Maniacal laughter—that's never good. Harry turned and came face to face with possibly the strangest person he'd ever seen—possibly.
Dressed in purple and lime green, this man with bleach skin and green hair and eyes grinned menacingly at him. Harry expected the smile to fade, but it never did. Is he stuck like that?
"Nighty, night, kiddo!" the man said.
Purple smoke squirted from the flower on his jacket and Harry's world went black.
The Batmobile sped through the streets of Gotham City. Only minutes ago Batman had received a call from Arkham, announcing that the Joker had escaped during the night. Knowing that the Commissioner would want to speak with him, Batman was quickly on his way
A dull buzzing signaled that his phone was ringing. He pressed a button to take the call.
"No, but I'm looking for him," came a Scottish accented voice that was definitely not Alfred's.
"How did you get this number? I'm unlisted!"
"I need to find Alfred Pennyworth," the voice said, rather panicky.
"He's not here right now," Batman said sarcastically.
"Please, I need to speak with Batman. You must understand, Harry Potter has been kidnapped!"
"Where is Batman?"
"He's busy. He's looking for the Joker, actually."
"That is the very person who's taken Harry!"
Batman sighed. "Who is this?"
"When you see Alfred, tell him to owl Albus Dumbledore."
There was a click and an aggravated growl from Batman. Who was that? And who is Harry Potter? I can't believe he hung up on me!
Batman sighed. It was going to be a very long night.
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