Title: Though the years
Warnings: Contains language and some sexual situations and innuendo
Summary: She had known him since she was a small child... and dreamed of the day she might be able to marry him... But, would Remus Lupin ever grow to see Nymphadora Tonks as more than the little five year old that would follow him and Sirius around?
AN: whoa... I actually updated. I'm sure it's someone's birthday somewhere so if it's your brithday and you like this fic, Happy Birthday ;) My muse finally returned for this one. so yay!
Cravings of a Wolf
"Oh gods Remus, please don't stop," she whimpered.
He lightly ran his tongue over the minuscule drops of blood on the fresh bite mark on the nape of her neck. Her blood had a tangy taste to it, reflecting the spirit that resided within the lithe body beneath him. The tartness of the blood spoke volumes that his mate was one to live her life to any extreme she pleased.
That was why he had craved her, wanted to mark her as his mate. The wolf wanted her love of life to nurture him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back flush against his stomach. He drove himself deeper inside of her.
She reached back and grasped his hair as he sucked deeply on the bite mark on her nape. He could feel her stomach muscles flex beneath his fingers. She started panting for air, taking in short rapid breathes before letting out a series of strained whimpers. She collapsed beneath him with one final groan.
He lightly nuzzled her neck and placed gentle kisses along her jaw line. His hands slowly roamed over her feminine curves as he withdrew himself from her body. He pulled her into his arms; she turned toward him and clung to him tightly, her body trembling. At first he thought it was just the aftermath of their repeated mating, but the sniffle perked his ears and let him know that wasn't so… instead she was trembling because she was crying…
Remus awoke with a start and looked around the room. Sunlight was pouring in through the open blinds, making his sensitive eyes ache. Several bits and pieces of the night before teased the nether regions of his conscious mind as it struggled to recall the previous night. The last thing his conscious mind recalled was curling up on the sofa in the living room, but he was most certainly no longer there.
The dream he had disturbed him somewhat, especially since he was currently in Tonks' bedroom, tangled up in her bedcovers. A tangy scent reached his nostrils, causing them to flare as saliva started forming in his mouth. His eyes fell to the sheet covering a lump that lie beside of him. A slight wave of nausea followed as he released the mouth-watering scent, the scent that actually was making him somewhat aroused with its tanginess, was in fact blood.
He almost didn't want to pull the covers back, mental images of Tonks dead beneath the sheets made him fear what he would see if he did pull them back. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and pulled the sheets back. Slowly, he opened his eyes and let out a slow sigh of relief.
Tonks was curled up around a pillow, completely nude except for a pair of socks, but the position in which she was laying securely hid anything a man's eyes would wish to see. She frowned in her sleep and inhaled sharply. Her throat had been the cause of the blood, Remus noticed, from a bite at her nape that had apparently, at some point, been against the white sheet.
His heart dropped into his stomach as he gazed at the bite. That alone made him crawl carefully from the bed and tuck the blankets around her warmly. He wasn't even able to manage a smile when she muttered something about him that became lost in the mutterings of sleep talking. After finding his clothes and getting dressed, Remus pointed his wand at the blinds so that they shut out the light of morning.
Should he leave her a letter? Should he send her an owl later?
He honestly had no clue as to what to say to her or to do. What did one say to a girl that had just had the last remaining bit of her innocence ripped away by an animal, especially when he, himself, had been the animal to do so. He cursed himself several times for not yet being able to fully control that part of him.
Perhaps, maybe, it was best he not say anything.
So then, he turned away and quietly walked from her room and apparated away.
She stretched her hand out across her bed, searching for the warmth her body so suddenly was missing. Without the other warmth, her body was beginning to shiver in spite of being covered with two thick blankets. Her hand found the other edge of the bed and she lifted her head and looked around.
"Remus?" she called lightly.
Though the closed blinds had left the room dark, there was enough light for her to see that Remus was nowhere in her room. She slowly crawled out of her bed and picked up a bathrobe as she walked out of the door, wincing slightly when he legs rubbed the wrong way. She didn't even bother tying it closed; she wore it just in case someone showed up at her door.
Slowly, she made her way through her apartment, feet light and soundless as she crept through. Her hand shot to her neck where Remus had bitten down on her neck and shook her head to clear it. "Remus?" She looked into her little kitchen and frowned.
After thoroughly checking her flat, it set in that Remus was, in fact, not there. Her heart fell to her feet and she felt tears beginning to sting the back of her eyes. She had managed to do it again. She had frightened him away. She swore several times and just as she was about to let herself cry, a knock sounded at the door. Her ears perked. And she whipped her robes closed and tied it snugly as she raced to the door, stumbling over her rug, left foot, and a magazine stand as she did so.
Her face fell flat against the door after her foot connected with a wretched welcome mat her mother made her buy. She gave it a swift kick, missed, and hit the door instead. Suppressing a string of curses, she flung the door open.
It was Remus. His hands were clutched in from of him; his knuckles were white from the tightness of his other hand. He looked at her and then dropped his eyes down to his feet.
"May I come in?" he asked quietly.
Tonks smiled brightly. "Of course, Remus."
As he walked in, he paused slightly next to her, for a moment he looked as if he would faint but then quickly walked away from her. He took a seat on her couch and she closed the door and started to sit next to him but he quickly stood and moved away from her.
"Tonks," he stated plainly. "I want to explain… No, rather I would like to know… What happened? Why? Why me?"
Her heart fell for the umpteenth time and she looked at her hands. "Remus, you know I have been in love with your for a--"
"Love?" Remus said with a slight scoff. "Love? Love doesn't prey upon the weakness of the one they desire. You knew what you were doing, Nymphadora. I thought I had killed you this morning, when I saw I hadn't, I left as quickly as I could. I paced and fretted and paced some more. I asked myself why you, of all people, would do what you did. Of all people, I never thought you would use my condition against me."
Tonks stood abruptly. "Against you? AGAINST YOU? I didn't use it against you. You just blame the stupid wolf for everything you do that has some sibilance of normal human behaviour! It's worse than a split personality Remus. The Wolf only has power over you during the full moon. NOt before, not after, but during the full moon. Get your werewolf facts straight before you go blaming it.
"You give the wolf power over you when you blame him for simple human, mortal, desires. If you drink too much you blame the wolf. If you feel desire you blame the wolf. What about Remus? What does Remus do? Does Remus do anything anymore? Doesn't Remus have feelings? Doesn't Remus want and need things?"
"Yes, I do, Nymphadora. But circumstances as they are, do not allow me the mortal pleasure of feeling them," his voice was surprisingly calm. "I do nothing. Remus is nothing more than the carrying case for a monster. He is not allowed to feel the things normal people do. And, even if I wasn't what I am Nymphadora, I would be nothing more than a poor, aging man. Granted if I was normal, I wouldn't be poor, or perhaps I would be."
Tonks made a face and sighed heavily. "What does it matter, Remus, I am going to be an Auror soon. I would be making enough to support us both; I'm not misogynistic enough to think that just because I'm the woman I can't earn the keep. I happen to be one of those girls that prefer an older man. Almost any relationship I have had the man has been at least ten years old than me."
"I, however, feel it is my duty to provide for a family should I ever have one." Remus walked away again as she took steps toward him. "And I can hardly provide for myself, much less a family. And no matter what you say to counteract the way I see things, you will not be able to make me think differently. In my opinion, I am too old for you, too poor to provide for you. For anyone."
Tonks frowned slightly, she wanted him to not care about the things he was giving as excuses. He could try to mask his feelings behind frustration and his excuses, but she had felt them in his kiss the day before, and had definitely felt them the night before. No matter what he said, she knew it had to have been Remus in some form or fashion that had filled her mind and soul so completely that she had cried tears of happiness when it was all done.
She opened her mouth to tell him and tried to move to wrap her arms around him, but he dodged away quickly.
"Why do you move away from me anytime I get closer?" Tonks asked quietly, taking a few more steps. This time, Remus held his ground as if trying to disprove her theory. But, she could see his nostrils flare slightly as she kept approaching. His eyes began to darken somewhat.
Without warning, Remus yanked her to him and sealed his mouth to hers. His mouth ravaged hers with the same intensity it had the night before, she felt her knees weaken just before he firmly held her in place against his chest. When his lips tore away, Tonks gasped for air and panted heavily against the lips that were not even an inch away from hers.
"That," Remus growled. "Is why I am staying away from you. Contrary to what you think The Wolf is not a figment of my imagination or a creation of my imagination. It is very real and very dangerous and very much wants you as his mate. And that is why there can be no us. He is dangerous, he would hurt you."
Remus pulled away from her and kept his eyes locked with hers as he made a backwards retreat to the door and out of it. Once the door shut, Tonks blinked several times and then collapsed to the floor sobbing.
That afternoon, Remus left for Hogwarts. That afternoon, Tonks had barely passed her stealth testing, getting the lowest possible mark on it without failing. And it would be nearly two years before the two of them would see each other again.