A Thousand Lost Forevers

Disclaimer: All the usual "me no own, you no sue" rules apply.

Rating: PG-13 (Did you know that the PG-13 rating was invented for the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark? Just thought I'd share…)

Summary: Rogue finally pushes Gambit too far...

Author's Note: Again, I am ignoring most of what is considered to be "canon." I tried to make Rogue and Gambit's relationship fit in with the comic books as best I could, but I don't think it's even humanly possible to keep up with all their break-ups and make-ups.

Feedback and Archiving: Please and please. J Send all praise and constructive criticism to addie_logan@yahoo.com. Send all flames to someone who cares.

A Thousand Lost Forevers

By: Addie Logan

"I can't replace all the wasted days
The memory of your face—can't help thinkin'
Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together

Where would we be

A thousand lost forevers

And the promises you were giving me."

--Matchbox 20 "Last Beautiful Girl"

"I'm t'rough wit' dis, Rogue! I can't go on never knowin' if today's gonna be a day dat you wake up feelin' like maybe you love me or a day where I get ta be your personal punchin' bag! Remy can only take so much, Chére!"

"You think this is easy for me? You think I like feelin' this way about a man who's only in it for the chase?"

"Don't even start dat Rogue! If dat was de case I woulda started chasin' after someone else ages ago!"

"How do I know you're not?"

"I have ta listen ta you accusin' me of havin' an affair now? Weren't we havin' a good conversation jus' a minute ago? Merde, I can't put up wit' your mood swings anymore!"

"Well, maybe I can't put up with your fickleness anymore!"

"Fickleness? You sayin' I'm fickle? Dis comin' from a woman who tell Remy she love him one day an' de next day she leave him ta freeze in Antarctica!"

"You still dwellin' on that?!"

"How could I not? I almost died!"

"Well you're alive, ain't ya?"

"Dat's it. I'm outta here an' I ain't comin' back. Ever."

"Good, Swamp Rat! I don't want ya around! I'm better off with out ya!"

Gambit stormed out of the mansion, slamming the door behind him.

Rogue stood there with her arms crossed and her back turned to the last spot where Remy had stood. She knew he'd come back. No matter how angry he got, he always came back to her…

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Three Years Later…

It had been two years since Remy had really sat down and thought of her. He'd had the occasional memory, of course—a vision of things long since past brought on by a woman's green eyes or the sound of a Mississippi accent, but he hadn't really thought about her, not the way he was in that moment, at least. He recalled her perfect face in his mind and he physically ached. Remy knew now that that tangible longing was something that he was never going to rid himself of.

Not that he hadn't tried. Remy had tried everything he knew to make himself finally get past the near-addiction he felt for the woman who called herself Rogue. Sometimes he'd tried to forget her by finding solitude in the arms of another woman. Other times, he'd sat alone, reminding himself of all the pain she'd caused him, how she tended to be as cold as that barren wasteland she'd left him in so many years ago. For a while, it had worked. He'd moved on with his life, remembering how to live without the X-Men, without Rogue.

Remy enjoyed living by himself, for himself. Away from the mansion, he could put the pain and guilt of his past behind him. Without Rogue, he no longer felt the constant need for a self-imposed penance. He could again be the charming, rebellious Remy LeBeau that he'd been in his days before he'd fallen in love with her. He moved from place to place, never getting too close to anyone, never having a care in the world. He was free.

He was happy.

Then it happened. He dreamt about her, the last time he'd seen her. He dreamt in black in white.

He'd told Rogue he was leaving for good, but he knew she didn't believe him. She'd had no reason to. He hadn't meant it. He'd been gone for only a few days before he came back, the masochistic urge to love her calling him home to Westchester.

In both reality and illusion, he'd come back to find her sitting on the edge of her bed, crying. Her tears usually forced him to go to her, to hold her until she stopped hurting, even if he needed to be comforted himself. Only this time, her tears made him feel contempt, not pity. He frowned, promising himself that she would not manipulate her way back into his heart yet again. He'd turned away, and for three years, he hadn't looked back. She'd never known he was even there.

In his dream, it didn't happen that way. In his dream, he'd watched her longer, staring at the colorless figure of the woman he'd once loved so completely. She'd turned around to look at him, and the immaculateness of the black and white had been destroyed by the bright green of her eyes. The pain in those eyes had brought Remy back to the harsh reality of his unlit hotel room.

Now he sat alone in the dark, remembering the woman he'd sworn to forget. He'd hated her when he'd seen her crying alone, all the times she'd used her tears to lure him back into her arms rushing to the surface. He wondered if this time, her pain had been genuine, like the one he felt now, starting in his chest and creeping to fill his whole body.

Remy let himself remember Rogue. He went beyond the bad memories he'd used to create a shield of pain that would protect him from yearning. Instead he called to mind the better times, times when he didn't realize she was capable of causing him such heartache. Times when he hadn't yet learned to face the truth.

Remy let himself remember Rogue, and he missed her. The missing hurt worse than anything he'd ever known. For the first time since he'd left, Remy realized that Rogue was really no longer a part of his life, and that caused him more pain than he'd ever expected. His whole world suddenly became as devoid of color as his dream, the only spark of life those two spots of green that danced in his mind.

Remy remembered Rogue, the way she had cried, and for the first time, he allowed himself to cry along with her.

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This is a sort of introduction to a longer story I'm working on. Please give me feedback and let me know what you thought. Constructive criticism would be highly appreciated. J