Tristan gets a new friend, Ryou turns cheeky and the paperclip's back? So…where do Digimon come into this? Arghhh- what in the name of Ra is going on?
Revenge of the Paperclip
It was going well. The Hikaris had their Yamis under control for once, and were all at Joey's house for a spot of relaxation. By relaxation, meaning no world domination plans, no age long grudge wars spanning millennia and certainly no cookies. So everyone had settled for a nice friendly game of Tekken on the PlayStation. Friendly?
"Yeah right!" Téa bawled over the whoops and scrabbles for the controller.
"Take that, Pharaoh-face!"
She sighed. Why is it, that whenever they had a 'friendly' get together it always turned so, so competitive? Urgh, she sniffed. Hormones! The foul stench of male adrenaline. "That's it!" She stood up. "Joey, I don't care whether this is your house or not, but I refuse to stay in a place that stinks of pigsties!"
"Then get outta here!" Someone piped up randomly.
Her eyes narrowed. Yugi, Ryou and Joey gazed back at her innocently, Marik…not so innocent, a lounging Joey, Tristan and Duke giving each other daggers as usual…Kaiba, Serenity… "Wait a minute! What's Kaiba doing here?"
"I don't know," he answered evenly. "I was about to ask myself that same question." And with that, he left the scene.
Everyone turned their attention back to the game. Suddenly a big button popped up on screen, right in the middle of Tristan getting creamed.
"What the-?" Duke hammered down on the X button. "Why, may I ask, have I stopped killing you?"
"K-O, Duke, it's K-O," Tristan said, gleefully jumping to avoid a swing from Duke's fist.
"Well if I can't get you in virtually, I'll have to get you in reality!"
Yugi tutted as the oncoming brawl started like a rain of cats and dogs.
"So," Marik drawled, "what do you want to do about this button? Push it?"
The looks of horror on everyone's faces said enough. "Evidently no." Marik looked downcast. "Where are you Bakura?" He cried to the heavens. "At least let me even the odds!"
Ryou patted him woodenly on the back. "There there. There there."
"Ha, you're the only one of us that doesn't need his Yami suppressed," Yugi observed. "You're psycho enough as it is!"
Suddenly Tristan and Duke came crashing in a manner of fists…into the TV, into the button. A hush settled over the room, as a chilly wind swept up. There were drums in the background as the screen turned black…and…a paperclip? Giggling insanely?
"Arghhh!" Joey howled. "It's the Revenge of the Paperclip!"
Téa peered curiously at him. "Don't you mean Sith?"
But Joey had no time to respond, for at that precise moment in time, a vortex appeared in the middle of the screen and began spontaneously sucking in everyone. Well not quite. After the slurping noises and all the dust had subsided, it seemed that Téa and Serenity were still left in the room.
"Sexist pigs!" She huffed.
"Hey!" Yugi's voice piped up. Téa peeked down. Yugi had one arm locked around the sofa leg to anchor him down, and the other was busy grappling for the cookie jar that had been dislodged from the top of the very high bookshelf. Téa whacked his cookie hand.
In a distant land, far far away, a vortex opened up in the sky. If anyone was watching, he or she might have been pleasantly surprised to see a group of humanoid beings spat out, all of which were emitting very high pitched wailing noises that didn't quite match the masculine picture.
"Argghhhh!" Tristan yelled as he plunged headfirst…or hair first to be more precise, into a bush. "Get me out of here, my hair's stuck! It's gonna lose it's seventy nine percent sleekness and twenty six percent shine!"
"With those odds, you need a new shampoo," Marik muttered, as a load of bodies landed on him. Somehow he still managed to find time to stroke his own hair. "I mean look at mine, natural spikes, and I don't even condition!"
"You don't condition?" Tristan echoed in horror. "Get away from me, you freak!"
The others disentangled themselves first and watched, amused whilst Tristan tried various methods of getting himself away from Marik without touching his precious hair at all. Finally Ryou could take it no longer. As he reached over to help Tristan out, another body fell from the sky.
"Argghhh!" Yugi cried as he spied Tristan's backside taking over his vision. "Get it away from me, get it away from me!"
Five minutes of hair-raising excitement later, and the male population of the gang were trudging wearily across this new land, with forests, and trees, and streams, and hills, and birds, and blue, blue cheerful sky! A sun smiled down on them, and a deer pranced about nearby-
"Dammit Joey, why did you have to press the button?" Tristan looked as if he was suffering from cuteness overload.
"Dammit Tristan, why do you have to have such a big head?" Joey retorted.
"Dammit Bakura, why do you have to try and take over the world?"
Everyone stopped to look at Ryou. "Well," he said, slightly flustered, "I need to make some sort of contribution to the overall level of conversation, don't I?"
"But talking to something that lives in your mind?" Duke shook his head.
"Hey!" Yugi exclaimed.
"I mean, how do we even know they're real?" He stopped for emphasis. He gazed at Joey before continuing. "From what I've heard, Yugi, you do a mean set of mind tricks. You should be in the circus or something!"
"Alright Hikaris United, lets maul him!" Yugi turned around. "Hey, where's Marik?"
"I dunno," Tristan began, saving Yugi's team name in his memory banks for future mickey taking. "Hey, what the-"
Something small and pink and fuzzy bounded out of the forest. "Tai, Tai! I've waited so long to meet you!"
"Arghh!" Tristan yelled as he was mauled by the pink fuzzy thing.
"Don't you remember me Tai?" The thing bounced up and down on his chest. "Don't you remember your Koromon? After all these years…my, your hair's changed though…kind lost it's spikes into one big spike…"
"Ko-ror-oro-mon?" Suddenly it dawned on Tristan. "I'm not a Digimon dammit, I'm Tristan! T-R-I-S-T-have I done the T yet? Oh yeah- A-N!"
"But Tai isn't a Digimon!" Koromon said sulkily.
"Ryou laughed. "Sorry mate, you got the wrong guy, wrong show."
"Awww," Koromon sighed dejectedly and bounced away to the theme tune of Digimon. Di-gi-mon, digital monsters, Digimon are the champions!
"Woah, that was weird," Tristan picked himself up and dusted his hair.
"Idiot!" Duke whacked him on the head. "You should've asked it how to get home!"
"Idiot!" Yugi whacked Duke. "Why didn't you if you'd already thought of that?"
"Because," he whacked Yugi back, "the thought only popped into my head just now."
Ryou whacked them both. "Ow!" Both Yugi and Duke rubbed their heads.
"Sorry," Ryou said meekly, "I wanted to contribute something too."
The gang carried on trekking through the forest, this time in the hopes of running into Tristan's new friend again. Both Yugi and Duke were giving Ryou a wide berth, in case he did something like sprout horns, but he remained as cheerful and Ryou-like as ever.
"Guys, why are you avoiding me?" He laughed nervously. "You'll talk to me, right Joey?"
Joey had been rather quiet recently but a look of horror flashed across his face. "Erm, yeah, OK erm…"
They entered a clearing. A crystal pool sparkled a few feet away, and they could see a great canyon looming up in front though the trees. Joey propped himself up against a tree, and rubbed his hands. "Right, time to catch us a Digimon! Here we go-" Suddenly he burst into song. "Di-gi-mon, digital monsters, Digimon are the champions!"
There was a rustling, and the gang's looks of 'ha, Joey, what in the name of Ra?' turned to looks of disbelief as three more fuzzy things bobbed out of the bushes. One promptly went to sleep. Another one brought up the rear- it was Koromon. "I told you they're back, they're-"
"Koromon, my mon," Tristan slapped it on the back.
"Yay! Now I can digivolve!" A light flashed and it strained.
"Look, if you're constipated just use the bathroom, jeez," Joey sighed.
"Koromon digivolve to-" It let out a disappointed squeak. "You're not really Tai are you?" It asked sadly.
"Nope, but since you asked, how do you get back to Japan from here? J-A-P-A-N."
"O-oh, Japan." It looked up hopefully. "You mean the planet that is overrun with creatures called Pokémon?"
"No-o!" Duke seethed.
"My, he look's ready to digivolve!" One of the other Digimon muttered.
"What, constipated?" Ryou blurted, wide eyed. He'd obviously never watched the show.
"Japan, can we get back to the subject?" Tristan sighed. The Digimon congregated in a huddle for a few moments.
"Alright, we'll help you get back to Japan," Koromon said.One Digimon had just woken up. "What? Japan? I love that planet!"
Tristan sighed, exasperated.
They were at the canyon when something crashing came down. It was a giant metal foot.
"Ha! I couldn't miss this opportunity to take over the world!" Marik crowed, from above.
"What the-is that a paperclip he's riding on?" Tristan squinted. The Digimon also peered up.
Joey and Yugi hastily jumped up and down, waving their arms. "Alright, game over, heh heh let's go…" They shoved everyone off a cliff without giving a thought for their actions before they themselves jumped down.
"Wow, you must have had an impact on them if we induced that sort of idiotic behaviour," Marik commented.
"Yugi, what are you doing?" Duke yelled as he landed at the bottom.
"Arghh! It's still there! It's coming for us!" Joey cowered.
"-muhahahahaa! You thought you could escape the first time, but you thought wrong! For I am back, and once I have taken over your bodies I will leave here and masquerade as you mortals! This plan cannot fail! The world will be mine!" The paperclip boomed, it's maniacal laughter causing whirlwinds in Britain.
"We're gonna die, we're gonna die we're gonna die!" Joey whimpered.
"Quick! We'll go for it's eyes whilst you can go home!" Koromon yelled, thrusting something into Tristan's hand.
"What the hell's this? A rubber?" He held the thing up incredulously.
But there was no need. From out of the blue, two beings whooshed past, gliding effortlessly through the air.
Ryou looked up in disbelief. "No way."
Both girls blasted the paperclip to bits with a Megatron 3000 Laser Blaster, and a Skylark Scything Blade before adding, "see, us girls aren't so useless after all!"
"I'll be back!" The paperclip screeched before it's data was reconfigured into a giant thirty foot statue of the two heroines in gold.
"Hahahahahahahahahaa!" Téa crowed.
"Don't you think this has all gone to her head?" Joey whispered as they were all sucked back out into the real world.
"Don't worry, I'll make sure they all forget any of this happened. It will be no more than a dream," Yugi murmured in a soporific voice.
In a mystical place, far far away, a paperclip vowed for revenge. "I vow for my revenge!"
And the moral of the story is: Some stories don't need a feasible plot to work.
Or: Let us never talk about flower power again.
Heh, I can start my own villain thing now! (eyes narrow) The rights to the Clippit character are mine, mine, mine! Anyway, how was this fic? Want more?