AN: Getting Bored with my other story, can't decide who or how to break it to Duncan. I decided to do a one shot. Quigley and Violet's daughter, Emi, (the-bulldog-writer, please forgive me!) writes home from camp. The letter is based around the song "Hello Mother, Hello Father"


"Hello mother, hello father,
Here I am at Camp Beezenbada."

"I can't believe I am stuck here for the last three weeks of summer vacation." Thirteen-year-old Emily, or Emi as every one called her, Quagmire was under the pavillion at Camp Beezenbada. Emi was writing to her parents. She watched the rain pour down. Every once in a while, that crazy Ronnie Daniels would run out into the rain and then, Jaime Bouyant, our counseler, would have to drag him back under the pavillion.

"Camp is very entertaining," she wrote thinking about Ronnie.
"And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining!"

Emi really wanted to be at home watching T.V. She saw Joyce Jivey, Joyce was scratching a misquito bite, a lightbulb went on in her head.

"I went hiking with Joyce Jivey,
She developed poison ivy."

Pushing it, she remembered Bailey Binner wasn't feeling to good after dinner last night.

"You remember Bailey Binner,
He got food poisoning last night after dinner!"

Emi wrote on, thinking about the lake, and that long book for summer reading.

"All the counselors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators!
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called 'Ulysses'."

"Malaria should scare them," she thought. "and I could get lost"

"No, I don't want this to scare ya,
But my bunkmate has malaria!
You remember Jenna Hardy,
They're about to organize a searching party!"

Emily was completely lying, but she'd do anything. She'd rather be home.

"Take me home, oh mother, father,
Take me home, I hate Beezenbada.
Don't leave me out in the forest,
Where I might get eaten by a bear!"

"That should get me home. But, a little more wouldn't hurt."

"Take me home, I promise that I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other guys.
Oh please don't make me stay;
I've been here one whole day!"

"now to look innocent" she was so caught up in her letter she didn't recognize it had stopped raining.

"Dearest father, darling mother,
How are my precious little brothers?
Let me come home if you miss me;
I would even let Aunt Sunny hug and kiss me!"

She looked up. The rain had stopped. Ronnie cannonballed into the lake. The lake wasn't too far away and all the kids were having fun.

"Come on, Emi! The water isn't too cold!" yelled Ronnie as he faked a shiver.

Emi finished her letter.

"Wait a minute; it stopped hailing.
Guys are swimming, gals are sailing.
Playing baseball; gee that's better.
Mother, father, kindly disregard this letter!"

Emi ran and dove right right into the lake. This summer, she wouldn't forget.