Four years after our epic battle we finally got together, Gaara and I. The infamous Tanuki and Kitsune. It almost makes me believe in destiny at times. The two demons from two distant lands, so alike, but so different finally joined together–like two love birds. Except that if anyone called either of us love birds, blood would be shed, and in Gaara's case, there would be corpses. Although it took a few major beatings and way too many awkward silences to count, we were together in a way not too different from animals that know from the first moment they see each other that they were meant to be together.
It was easy for me to get attached to him. I needed someone like him, someone that really understood me. I know I wasn't the lost kid from my past, without a friend. I had Iruka-sensei, Sakura-chan, Neji, Shikamaru, Lee, Kiba, and all those other people I can't imagine being without, but someone like Gaara is what I always needed. No one else can spot a fake smile or can detect the brief flicker in my eyes as I talk about trivial things. He always can. He always throws me a knowing glance or tries to get whatever is bothering me out. Even if he doesn't always know what to say about it, he can read me like an open book.
I love him so much for that.
In return, I cling to him like a giddy teenage girl. That sure fetches some odd looks from the other villagers! But what can I say? I never hid my feelings before. People aren't so surprised, though. Geez, I didn't realize I was so flamboyant. They're more concerned about who I'm clinging to. I'll admit, he still scares the shit out of some of my friends at times. I'll also admit that when I'm in a particularly bad mood I kind of, er, encourage him to scare the shit out of people. Some things never change, right, Uzumaki?
When I really think about it, I do find it strange. When in the hell did I even decide I liked guys? I'm pretty sure with every other guy I've ever known, I just wanted to just be friends, I just wanted beat the hell out of them, or I just wanted to be recognized as something other than a drop out. Even with Sasuke it was like that. I always thought we would be like brothers, forever. Then he left. This guy is so different. Maybe it's the red hair? I always find myself toying with it when we're lying together in bed. It's surprisingly soft and bright. Like silky rose petals...that are on fire. Umm-hmm. God he smells so good too. I can never put my finger on it. It's like the scent wind and something sweet and exotic. I want to breathe all of him in and always remember that scent.
Lying here with him, always makes me so happy. Although he is still officially a resident of the Sand, he comes here often. Our apartment is small and cozy–with a really big soft bed you can just sink into. He still doesn't sleep much, and sometimes he doesn't let me sleep. It's alright, though. I try to help him. I've risked my life and kept sharp and awake for hours to let him rest from the burden of his demon. Sometimes, he'll nudge me awake at an ungodly hour and tell me how peaceful I looked asleep. I know what he means. I wish we could both sleep together. On a still and peaceful night, he likes to lie on his back, and I always sleep on my side curled up on him. It makes me smile to know and to feel a warm body next to mine. I can't stop touching and clinging to him then, not just to make sure he's still there and that this is really real, but also to show him the love we both never had. I'd do anything to get that small aloof smile on his ghostly pale lips. His delicate little smile warms me up like no words can.
Like I said, he can read me–just like a book. Even in the total darkness, he can see my mischievous grin or spaced out stare. At moments like this, he turns his dark-rimmed, icy, jade eyes down at me. I answer his unasked question with either hard bites and kisses all over his body or by babbling about whatever happens to be on my mind. Whether it's sex or just another one of Uzumaki Naruto's late night verbal barrages, he seems to enjoy both about the same. It makes me glad that we can actually talk for hours, but then again, it makes me think that maybe I need to bite him more to keep him on his toes, because Uzumaki Naruto is a well known sex god. It's too bad Gaara couldn't have been my first, but really, he wasn't always there. A few girls and an unsuspected guy showed up first, but I know Gaara is the first one I really love.
You know, Always is a hard word to use properly. Nothing is Always, not even gravity. When I hold on to him at night I feel at ease. I nudge my face into him, hoping to get lost in our love and the warm comfort of it under the mass of sheets, but then I notice something. He never holds me back. I think about so many things and my thoughts hurt. I want to cry and command him, but I know it's not done that way. I wonder how this could be possible, but it's always my lips, my hands, my body giving to him. I don't do much because I know my heart would burst if he left and didn't come back. Still, when I leave for a long and dangerous mission and I get the same reaction as if it started to rain, I feel an ache. I always tell myself that's just the way he is and I flash him my vulpine grin and promise I'll come back. It's the same as when I'm unbearably quiet, with my head buried in his chest. It's these smiles and dark silences, he can never see through. It makes me wonder.
Does he love me too?