Hey everybody! Well, I just want to give you a heads up in this chapter because there is a character you might not know coming into it. He is called Magic Hair (that's not his real name) and he is a beautiful man that my friend and I are obsessed with because he is wonderfully talented and hot. So…yes. He has a cameo, so just go with it and enjoy…
Chapter Thirteen: What's a Façade?
Christine: (Looking around, nervously) Where are we now? I'm getting tired of this nonsense….RAOUL! ENOUGH WITH THOSE BLASTED COCONUTS! YOU ARE DRIVING ME AND EVERYONE ELSE TO THE BRINK OF MADNESS! NOW STOP, BEFORE I TAKE THOSE COCONUTS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR-
Erik: (Covering ears) Woman! I taught you how to sing, not scream! If you keep doing this your vocal chords give up on you! (Notices Raoul, sitting on the ground, clicking the coconuts together happily) Just try me, Foppy.
Raoul: (Continues to click coconuts together just to annoy him. He notices that this has lost its fun while he halfheartedly continues before stopping and setting them on the ground, sadly)
Johnny Depp: (Sitting in the corner, sucking his thumb and trying to sing) Willy Wonka…Willy Wonka…The…amazing…choco…lateir….Do do do….
Meg: (Notices Carlotta) Whoa! Carlotta…We thought you were dead. Where have you been?
Authoress: I locked her in a tower without company for four months, and then I blinded her prince and banished her to a desert where she had little to eat and again no company…and then bore twins… (Cackles)
Meg: Ooookay. (Carlotta tries to speak, but fails) What's wrong with you?
Authoress: I turned her into a newt! (Everyone stares at her, then Carlotta) It got better…No; I turned her into a mute, so she won't annoy anyone.
Raoul: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha! (Carlotta gives him a look of death) Oh…um, I mean, "Oh, how sad."
(Suddenly, they see a man with long hair in the distance, groping a young woman…)
Christine: Um, public displays of affection….eww. Authoress, what's going on?
Authoress: (flipping through script) one moment…Ah, yes! The "Horror" scene; Well, Elphaba is supposed to say, "Jinkies, gang. Let's check it out." And, of course, being the gullible little kiddies you are, you "check it out." Well, go on, Elphie, say it, say it! (Waves broomstick in front of her face) Action!
Elphaba: Erm… (With false enthusiasm) Jinkies, gang. Let's check it out!
(Our heroes walk together like herded sheep up to the couple who stop their duet to acknowledge them)
Woman: Oh, hello there.
Man: Who the Hell are you?
Johnny: Good morning starshine! The earth says hello!
Authoress: Hahahaahahahahahha….ha….ha…Go on! See who the man is! Do it! Do it do it do it do it do it do it! (Hands Meg a flashlight) Go on! Shine it in his face!
(Meg aims flashlight in the man's face, only for it be…)
Authoress: AHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S SEBASTIAN BACH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES AND PANIC LIKE CHICKENS WITH THEIR HEADS CUT OFF!
(Everyone panics while Erik hands Sebastian Bach a mask and runs off with the others. Authoress freezes the scene with her magical…freezy frame…power thingy… Well, fine then; come up with a better name!)
Authoress: (addressing readers) There has been a casting mistake for the character of Jekyll/ Hyde. All of us at the My Little World or Randomness Co. regret this mistake and will tune you back into this scene where the character will be played by the proper man- Magic Hair, with all his wonderful glory! (Phone rings and she answers it) Hello?...Why yes, this is she…No, I'm not high!...Well, I-…Screw you! (Hangs up) Get back to the scene.
(Freeze frame power stops and we return to see the girls gawking over the man- Magic Hair- while he is holding the woman- Lucy)
Meg: (Drooling) Gee, you're pretty…
Christine: In a strange, demonic, mass murderer sort of way…
(Johnny Depp is waving his arms for attention before slinking back into his corner)
Magic Hair: You're supposed to be scared! Besides, I don't have long hair anymore! (Takes out knife) Huh? C'mon! You've got to be a teeny bit scared, right?
Magic Hair: Well, I- (He starts going into spasms and lets go of Lucy while he flops around on the floor. Raoul points at him and laughs until Magic Hair gets up and puts his hair in a pony tail, brushing himself off)
Magic Hair: (Notices the girls staring at him) Oh…um…Hello…and goodbye. (Runs off into the night)
Girls: Nooooo! (They begin to run after him until the Authoress signals the vortex to suck them all up again and drop them off in a semi-dumpy apartment complex where they are greeted by a bunch of puppets)
Elphaba: Dear, God, no… We're in Avenue Q…