What I can't have

I have never been with anyone, to express my emotions to.
I'm so weak, I cannot relay a single thought.
The minute you said yes, I feared you would find out.
Find out what destruction I could cause.
I don't want to destroy, I don't want to grow as a death dealer.
The wings I fly with cut my skin, the guns make me weak.
I want nothing more than to be with you, to run with you.
You wanted so badly for me to run away with you, leave this nightmare behind.
I can't stop.
I can't stop.
I am growing too much.
You wanted so much to live a normal life with me.
I wanted so much to just leave with you, let you take me.
I love you so much; I want nothing more than to kiss you with all my might.
Give you everything.
I don't want you to look at what I am; I want to be strong.
I don't want to destroy.
I don't want to destroy.
I want you to be with me, as the beeper goes off.
I don't want to leave my room; I want to leave this house forever, to see you.
I want to be with you as we go onto a train.
I want to go off and live with you, watching the stupid anime, and the comics.
I want to be able to be with you forever.
What about the weapon part of me though?
Will it ever go away?
I have no choice...
I have to be this...
Thank you, for trying to stop me from growing, as this 'thing.'