Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

I'm scared and I'm alone and I don't like it. How does Angel stand it, hated by demons, not trusted by humans and so very, very alone.

Soul or no he's still a vampire, were a social type of demon. We aren't meant to be alone. We're derived from humans, who are community minded, so it follows that we'd tend to group as well.

Course we don't, as a rule, socialize with humans, it would be too weird, talking to the food. But I need to talk to something. Touch someone. Vampires don't just talk, we're fairly physcial in our communications, be it casual, to show affection or to threaten we touch. It's how we are.

The Slayer's chums, they probably run screaming from the room if I tried to touch one of them, even if it were just a causal pat on the shoulder. They'd never touch me, not unless it were to tie me up. Hell even when they did that they wouldn't touch me. They can hardly look at me, don't like to talk to me none either.

I wonder had Angel stood it. Course Buffy like him, if this were how they all started acting during that last year I can see why he left. It's bloody awful, and I can't go back to the other vampires, not like I am. Now that words gotten out about me and the Slayer, maybe not ever.

What's even worse is the fear. I'm not used to being afraid, I'm a master vampire that's killed two slayers, there's not much I'm afraid of. I'm not afraid of Buffy, she's the strongest slayer I've ever seen, someday she might kill me but I don't fear her. We'll fight, someday it won't be a draw, one of us will die, that's fate. The commandos and their research types, thought they're different.

I don't know what more they'll do to me if they get me back. That uncertainty makes me afraid. They've already taken a part of who and what I am. If they get me back I'm not sure what they'll leave me.

I wonder if the gypsies were more kind, they took what Angelus was but they gave him something else to fill the void. The Initiative could do nothing but take. They left me hollow, not what I was nor anything else.

And there's no one to tell me how to fill the holes, no one to care what becomes of me. How do I live like this?



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