My Only Love

Author's Notes: I don't own anything. The song is "October" By Evanescence. The characters are copyrights of their owner. I am just borrowing them…

Synopsis: Megumi and Sanosuke both know they're pretending to hate each other. What happens when Megumi gets the courage to confront Sanosuke and tell him how she really feels? One shot—Lemon…

I can't run anymore
I fall before you
Here I am
I have nothing left
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am
Take me home
I'm through fighting it

Megumi stumbled into her office and collapsed into a chair against the wall. That's the third time this week he's been here to see me. She thought to herself. She held her hands before her and watched them shaking. She stretched her legs out in front of her, but they felt like jelly. She didn't know what it was about that tall, rooster-headed man, but the feelings that washed over her were getting stronger, and more confusing.

That smile… Her mind never let her rest, every time she closed her eyes she saw his face before her, begging her to reach out to him and bring her lips against his own. Those eyes… brown and intense, she drowned in them when he caught her off guard. They were the kind of eyes that sucked the vocabulary right out of her throat. Anything she wanted to say she stumbled through like some love-struck teenager…

Love-struck…

"It can't be." She gasped; shaking her head and feeling the liquid behind her eyes evaporate in the heat that filled her face, but even as her head spun, she knew she'd been running from that truth a long time. "I can't love Sanosuke! He hates me!" she said breathlessly, and she knew he had good reason—it was her opium after all that had killed his best friend. But she didn't understand why he hung around her office—they fought all the time, mostly because that was the best way to hide her true emotions from him, and he really had no reason to try to be her friend… Could he… the thought had crossed her mind before, but there was no sense in it. There was no way in hell Sagara Sanosuke could feel anything for Takani Megumi. Period.

Shaking her head again, Megumi tested her legs again, and gathered her things to leave for the evening. "Maybe I'll stop by somewhere on my way home and grab a drink." She thought absurdly, knowing that was the very thing she kept telling Sano not to do. But then an idea struck her, and she nodded resolutely. She was going to Sanosuke apartment—a little place he could call home on the south side of the city. She was going to sit him down and figure out what was going on. If she didn't, and soon, she was going to go completely crazy.

Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up
You're my only strength.
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again

Sanosuke sighed and slammed his empty beer mug on the counter. I don't even know why I bother… He thought and declined a refill. He wanted to sober tonight—he needed to think. He knew he'd been putting it off for long enough. I love her. He thought and winced as he stood and threw his jacket over his shoulder. He didn't know why the lady-doctor had captured his heart—in truth, he wanted—deserved—to hate her. Yet hatred was the furthest thing from his mind.

He knew his daily visits to the office had her confused—he thought he might be winning her over—but every day all they did was argue and she ended up giving him a lecture about bar fighting. He knew he was pretending—he never really got angry with her—but he was tired of it. He was tired of beating around the bush; he was tired of her running away from him. Sanosuke knew that deep down, Megumi had feelings for him—whether it was love or hate, he could not decide.

Sanosuke turned onto the road that took him home and looked up at the moon. It was full—and brighter than usual, he thought, but shook the odd feeling aside and opened the door to his apartment.

She was silhouetted against the window, sitting in a chair with her hands folded in her lap. She didn't speak to him at first, but she didn't need to. Sanosuke knew exactly who she was—but he didn't know why she was there.

"We need to talk." She said, turning her head to face him, her eyes flashed in the darkness.


My only hope,
(All the times I've tried to run)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love

How long has she been here? He wondered, stepping through his threshold, and shutting the door behind him. He forgot his jacket, and let it fall to the floor next to the door, and he walked, bare-chested, to sit opposite of her. "What do we need to talk about, Megumi?" He said her name, and relished the way it fell from his lips—somehow, he understood that "fox-lady" wasn't appropriate.

Megumi sighed and focused her eyes on her lap. Now that she was there, in his apartment, she knew not what why she had come. Tell him… Megumi shook her head and squeezed her eyes tight until little flashes of lights appeared behind her lids.

"Megumi? Is something wrong?" Sanosuke said, leaning forward, pressing his elbows hard into the table. The wood creaked.

SPEAK! And Megumi's eyes flashed open, and she looked up, staring wide-eyed at him. You came here… Say what you need to say. Her mind demanded, and Megumi cleared her throat. She was nearly staring through him, when she at last opened her mouth and the words fall out.

"I can't do this anymore." She began, and Sanosuke's eyes narrowed,

"Do what?" He asked, cautiously.

"Fight with you—and myself. I've been running from things for so long. I've used every excuse in the book…" She sounded to herself a thousand miles away.

Sanosuke furrowed his brow. He didn't know what she was talking about—had someone been after her? Surely not, he watched over her—whether she knew it. He would have known if someone had a warrant out for her head. He would have known, and he would have ended it. "What are you talking about?" he asked, shaking his head.

"Us."


I can't run anymore,
I give myself to you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
In all my bitterness,
I ignored
All that's real and true
All I need is you
When night falls on me,
I'll not close my eyes
I'm too alive,
And you're too strong
I can't lie anymore
I fall down before you
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sanosuke sat back in his chair and stared at her. Here it comes, he thought, she's going to tell me she doesn't want to see me again. Sanosuke closed his eyes, and waited.

"I'm sorry, Sano." Megumi's voice was breathy in the darkened room. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you this a long time ago." But then she stopped talking and looked away from him.

Sanosuke opened his eyes and gazed at her thoughtfully. She'd turned her head toward the window, the moonlight streamed over her pale skin, and though her eyes were glossy and incoherent, Sanosuke thought she was beautiful. "Tell me what, Megumi?" it was almost a growl of impatience, Just get it over with, you're killing me… He was leaning forward again, his hands grasping either side of the table.

She looked at him for a long time, daring herself to say the words that rose in the back of her throat. "I can't lie to you anymore…" She said carefully. "When we fight—I don't mean it… I don't want to fight with you." I love you. Say it. I…Love…You… Megumi fell silent, and prayed that Sanosuke read into her words.

Sanosuke stood from his chair and began to pace the floor beside the table. Megumi stood too, and he turned to face her. "I don't want to fight with you anymore either, Megumi." He said, but his eyes grew smoky. Megumi held her breath, letting the look in Sano's eyes wash over her.

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried to run)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love

Sanosuke glued his hands to his sides, he fought hard with his mind not to reach out and take Megumi to him. Having her in his home, late at night, with naught but moonlight to shine on them, Sano's mind was fighting for reason and sanity. He felt his skin flush, and his muscles grow tense at just the thought of Megumi professing her love. Sanosuke knew that if, for whatever absurd reason, she did decide she loved him, he would not be able to keep his hands from off of her. He'd envisioned it so many times, so many ways, it would seem natural to him.

Megumi's mouth went dry, and she pried her tongue from its roof to try to swallow. She felt Sanosuke's heat radiate off his bare chest and her knees began to shake. Say it. Her mind urged, tell him the truth. She gulped again and opened her mouth to speak.

Sanosuke growled deep in his throat and pulled Megumi to him. Bowing his head to join their lips, he brought his face close to her ear and whispered the same three words back to her. He heard her gasp, and he shut his eyes, before pulling away enough to look at her again. She was crushed against him, and he could feel her heart beating through her chest. She was softer than he had imagined, but she curved in all the right places. "You're the very breath that keeps me going Megumi." He murmured, before covering her lips with his.

She sobbed in response, and opened her mouth to him. Her hands, of their own volition, wound themselves around Sano's neck, and she pressed hard against him, aching to fell every inch of the tall man. Sanosuke groaned into her mouth and snatched his lips away fiercely. The look in his eyes, Megumi knew, was feral, and there was a throbbing deep within her that begged him to act on his thoughts.


Constantly ignoring
The pain consuming me
But this time it's cut too deep
I'll never stray again

"Megumi." It was a question, a statement, and a command, all at once. Sanosuke's hands clenched the cloth of her kimono so hard his knuckles were white.

"Sano…" Megumi breathed back, looking deep into his smoky eyes. They both knew it was too late for her to leave, the sun was high in the sky, and even before that, Sanosuke would never let her go. She leaned into him again, forcing him back into the table; her meaning was not missed in her eyes.

Sanosuke ripped her obi off and flung it across the room. His hands were inside her kimono before she knew what was happening. His calloused fingertips were hot against her skin and they seared every inch of flesh they touched. Her skin was smooth, flawless, and perfect. Moving his hands up over her, he brought tem to her shoulders. Slowly, he slid her kimono off her shoulders, down her arms, where it pooled on the floor at her feet.

Megumi's hands were shaking when she reached for Sanosuke. She was standing naked before him, his hands resting on her hips, and she was nervous. Finally, she heard him gasp for air, just as her fingertips touched the skin just above the drawstring of his pants.

"Beautiful." He choked out, and took both of her wrists and scooped her up in his arms. Megumi cried out in surprise, but allowed him to pick her up and carry her to his room.

Megumi contemplated her stupidity. She saw no valid reason why she had not spoken her thoughts to Sanosuke before—and as he carried her through his apartment, Megumi realized that she wasn't going to be able to run anymore—even if she wanted to. She looked up and met his gaze, assuring herself that this was it—she needn't run any farther…

My only hope,
(All the times I've tried to run)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)
My only love

Fluidly, Sanosuke laid Megumi down on the bed, and pressed himself hard down on top of her. He felt her hands slid down his chest and sides sending shivers down his spine as they paused at his waistband. Sanosuke kissed Megumi hard, and then pulled himself away from her and slid out of his pants. When he returned to her, they met skin to skin.

Megumi marveled at the sculpted body pressing itself into her. She ran her hands firmly down Sanosuke's back and pressed herself up against him as she approached his waist. She both heard and felt him groan and push back against her.

They were both panting when he released her mouth and traced her jaw line in tiny kisses. Taking her ear into his mouth briefly, he followed her muscles down her neck, licking and sucking and tasting her. Megumi cried out in pleasure and surprise when his mouth found one of her nipples, and then the other. Her hands matted themselves in his thick hair, and yanked his head back up to hers.

Sanosuke looked at her and grinned for a long time, feeling her wriggle with anticipation beneath him. He saw the plea in her eyes, and he kissed her as he parted her thighs with his own. He was in no condition to argue with her and just before he pressed himself into her, he pulled away and gauged her expression.

"Please—Sano—I've waited long enough…" Her voice was nearly gone, and she was shivering.

It has been too long. Sanosuke thought and pressed himself forward slowly; relishing every inch, she took him in. when he was buried to the hilt, he wrapped an arm around Her, cradling the small of her back, lifting her up so that she could feel him inside her. Her legs, instinctively wrapped themselves around her waist, opening herself up to him, and drawing him in even further. They both groaned, even as they looked at each other in the moonlight.

Desire set their pace, and Sanosuke toyed with her a bit before giving her the ecstasy she begged for. With her cry of completion, Sanosuke relinquished himself within her, collapsing to the bed and drawing her up close against him. Megumi's legs did not relinquish their grip on his hips, though, keeping them connected even as they caressed one another into a deep, peaceful sleep.


My only hope,
(All the times I've tried to run)
My only peace,
(To walk away from you)
My only joy,
My only strength,
(I fall into your abounding grace)
My only power,
My only life,
(And love is where I am)

When Sanosuke woke the next morning, he found Megumi resting atop him. Her legs still gripped either side of him, and he smiled as he rubbed her back and woke her. "Megumi—Megumi, its morning." He called her name gently and groaned as she moved around him.

Megumi, as she moved, felt her passions rising up in her, and she opened her eyes to gaze down at the man below her. In the morning light, he was even more wonderful than she had imagined. Her hands slid up his stomach and over his chest and she watched as his eyes rolled back into his head. "It's also Saturday. I don't work today, Sano." Her meaning was not missed.

Sanosuke grinned broadly at her, hugging her to him and rolling them onto their sides. Pulling his head away from hers, he kissed her forehead. "I love you Takani Megumi. I have loved you always."

Megumi pressed her lips to his Adam's apple, and then whispered back, "and I have loved you, Sagara Sanosuke. From the moment I laid eyes on you."

My only love

© 2005

The Fairy Tale Mistress