Title – Innuendo
Author – Moonbeam
Rating – PG-13 (a far whack of innuendo)
Summary – series of snippets of conversations heard around Arcadia. Based on a challenge from youcrazything
Spoilers – Everything, I think.
Disclaimer – Not mine if it was Glynis would not have happened, Grace would snog Luke like she did in 'Wealth of Nations' more regularly, Adam and Jane would be all sweet and stuff. Friedman would be castrated, Kevin would get more sibling time, he's such a sweetie and Helen would get a really good answer to one of her questions by that priest. I don't own Othello either, some fellow from England has that honour.
Author's Note – Blame youcrazything we got to talking about all the different terms for sex and it lead to a challenge which led to this. Blame me actually; it was fun. I added the last one I love that line from 'Othello' - actually, I don't like the line but the term makes me giggle.
Author's Note 2 – Machochist is dedicated to Michelle for her excellent use of the term concatching instead of contagious. Kudos darlin'.
NOTE - The underlined saying are the terms she dared me to use.

by Moonbeam

"We made the biology closet famous?"

"Apparently." Luke answered in his calmest voice.

"We made the biology closet famous!"

"That is what she said."

"So everyone is talking about us. I told you we should have never told anyone. Now they all think we are in here making out."

"That is why we come in here most of the time."

"But they didn't know that before. Now they know and they know we are in here making out so we can't come in here to make out anymore because they know."

Luke blinked at Grace, trying to keep up with her train of insanity.

"Worse than that they probably think we are in here rutting like pigs, like the pigs now in formaldehyde. Next to whom we make out. Therefore we can no longer make out in here. Yeah like pigs can't you just see it? In their dirty, little, hormone-imbalanced brains they think I'm doing you up against every vertical surface. Come and get it big boy."


"That's it we need a new place." Grace stormed out of the biology closet with Luke trailing behind dazed and rather confused.

"You're right she doesn't like me."

"I'm sorry."

"I could understand me not being her type, I always kinda thought she was into the ditzy brunette. In fact I always thought she liked a Girardi but I didn't think it would be the one that had a penis."

"I know we thought she was gay but what made you think she was into you?"

"We had some lovely talks about how anarchy has been represented in media, TV and movies over the past decade. I hinted at Vin Diesel and nothing. That movie had a lot of references to anarchy but she never took the bait. And she was always happy, well as happy as she gets, to talk to me."

"I'm sorry. Do you want to go get some ice cream? … You know to help soothe the pain?"

"No I want to know why bonking a bloke works for her when it was so obvious that she liked me. Maybe she's just using him for his mi-…Oh look at that she's all mused but, but, but she can't."

"Her hair is messy and his glasses are sitting under his ear they definitely are."

"I'm going home."

"Wait, I'll come with."

"I went in to get some papers from her desk and who should walk in?"


"Helen's son and Grace Polk, you know the angry girl who looks like a boy."

"Right. Together, as in, 'together'?"

"Yes, couldn't keep their hands off each other. I was getting some papers off the floor, and they walked in and went into another room. I thought they were doing some work but no. She had her tongue firmly down his throat I thought they may have eaten each other whole."

"You think?"


"Helen's littlest son making whoopee with Grace Polk."

"God it's been a while since I've heard that phrase."

"I know. But I just love it."

"Should we tell Helen?"

"Nah, it's the secret that makes it fun and besides they are both smart kids."

"Yeah but Helen deserves to know."

"She might know they are dating. Besides I think she has her hands full with Joan, that one's a bit odd."


"Shh, she's coming."

"But they kissed. Right in front of me."

"I know dude."

"You knew didn't you?"


"You didn't tell me."

"It's not my business dude."

"But this is huge."

"Jane, it's their life and they wanted it to be a secret."


"Well Grace did and that's enough for me."

"But they could be like getting their freak on, together. That is so wrong; she's my friend, he's my brother. It's just wrong."

"Do you want them to be happy?"


"Then leave it alone."

"Fine, for now."

"Dude, they are still at it."

"Wow. I totally thought she's get sick of him by now."

"Yeah, he's like a geek, how good can he be?"

"Maybe not so bad after all; saw them sneaking out during gym the other day."

"You know when gym is yo?"

"Totally, and you just know they were…"

"Getting' a little nookie while playing hookie."

"Exactly dude."





"They are obviously shagging."

"You are so British."

"Thank you."

"Do you think they could be?"

"I always figured she was like a praying mantis or a black widow, she'd kill her mate as soon as they copulated."



"Dude, you're weird, I'm going to class."

"Was that…?"

"With her?"

"Oh my god. Like ewww."

"I mean I know he must be desperate being a geek and all, but her?"

"I know you would think he could like get a girl who at least liked guys."

"Maybe he's trying to convert her."

"I totally saw them making out at the dance last year."

"Yeah, but like the girl he used to date she was like a hetro so why like go out with a lesbian?"

"He probably thinks she'll let him watch."

"Unlikely. She'd beat him first."

"Maybe he likes it, he could be like a machochist or something."

"What is he like going to convert her by playing hide the salami in a biology closet like eww. I've seen that place there are like dead animals and stuff. Ewww."

"She could be like a…you know…the people who like sleeping with dead people. Like Buffy did only way less hot."

"Oh god, the bell. We have PE maybe we should just like ditch or something."

"Oh my god, look at that he's like fixing his shirt. Ewww."

"Did you hear?"

"Yeah apparently she's straight."

"A geek converted a dyke. Wow."

"Yeah, apparently a little slap and tickle goes a long way."

"Dude, what did you just say?"

"It's what Marissa calls it. If I want any, I go with it dude."


"She looks less harsh now I know she has a spot of geeks dude."

"I doubt she'll go you."

"I could try."

"I think that Rove guy would have a problem with that and dude have you seen his art, it's kinda sadistic."

"Okay, I'll do that cheerleader again. She was hot."

"So it's true? All this time I knew it. I just knew that she had her little claws in him. Even when we dated. But he would never admit it. And now they are out publicly."

"It sucks. But it could be worse."


"They could be making out against a locker or something. At least they keep it to the biology closet."

"Yeah and we all know what they are doing in there. I can't believe that I have gone into that room naïve of the truth behind what probably happens against each and every surface in there."

"I doubt they do it at school."

"It's Grace, she would get off on it."


"She's humping my ex like he's the lead in a bunny porno. I don't care."

"Humping like bunnies?"

"Okay so maybe there was a better way to put that."

"Feel better now?"

"Yeah, thanks. We'd best get to class."

"Our son and Grace."


"The angry boy?"



"Possibly, he brought her a geode."

"Oh, do you think?"

"I doubt it."

"But he is a teenage male and he has it on the mind and it's always the quiet ones."

"He's smart Will."

"That doesn't mean he won't be involved in some hanky panky." "What, stop laughing at me; that is a normal phrase."

"No, it's not."

"Fine, what would you prefer?"

"Not that."

"Helen, this is serious. Our son, our fifteen-year-old son is dating a girl and it could be serious."

"Will, a geode, and Luke and Grace aren't dating."

"How do you know?"

"You are not that tortured at giving your girlfriend a present. Only a girl you like."

"Are you sure?"


"No hanky panky?"

"Are you sure you are a cop?"

"Wanna see my badge."

"Dirty old man."

"I know."

I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter
and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.

"So Luke, that you and Grace dude." A guy, Luke thought his name might be Hank asked.

"You two makin' the beast with two backs in the biology closet?" Hank's friend asked.

"No." Luke tried to walk away.

"You sure, because that would explain the attraction." Hank was a twit, a pity he was so big.

"Okay not even Friedman was this bad. None of your business. Understand." Luke walked away. Passing Grace further down the corridor he bent and whispered in her ear. "We definitely need a new place to make out."

"After school, meet me outside I have an idea."

Grace walked away and Luke couldn't drag the grin off his face.

The End