Dedicated, with love, to General Kenobi, now called "Vader's Mistress."
Sunshine told me to post it up here. So . . . here we are.
Inspired by Emily jokily suggesting creating a "Kissing General Kenobi" writing competition on the MCBC.
P.S. Em, I hope you like this almost as much as the Vader/Indiana piccie I made you.
Paul turned to look at her. 'Uh . . . do I know you?'
'Hmph. You SHOULD. I'm like, the person who gives you, oh, I dunno, the HOTTEST PORTRAYAL EVER.'
Paul winced. 'Um . . . sorry, not ringing any bells.'
Lolly tossed her hair in fury. 'Fine then. Be like that. Go kiss some feet.'
He frowned. 'What the f - '
'Look,' Lolly ran back, 'I need a favour.'
Paul gave her pointed look. 'You just told me to kiss feet - '
'Yeah, foot fetish, we all know about it,' Lolly babbled, 'anyway. Listen. I need you to do something. You see . . . I have this really anti-social friend called Emily. She'll never ever lose the big V in a million years, and I doubt that any tangoing of the tongue will come anywhere before the age of eighty. She's just that pathetic. So yeah. Can you give her a kissy for me?'
Paul looked at Lolly, horrified, 'you want me to kiss some wannabe spinster?'
'She's fourteen! Look, just pretend she's a foot. Then it should be easy.'
Paul's horror was further increased by a look of disgust. 'How DARE - '
'Look, buddy,' Lolly threatened in dangerous tones, grabbing the scruff of his shirt and yanking him close, 'Either pash the brains out of my little chum, or I will . . . ' Lolly pauses for maximum effect, 'make you gay in Flashlight.
'YOU WOULDN'T!' Paul gasped pitifully.
'Of yes,' Lolly's face creased into an evil grin, 'I would. And I'd make you gay . . . with Jesse.'
'HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL?' he wailed, falling to his knees. Tears streamed out of his eyes, 'NO, NO! PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING!'
Lolly perked up. 'Cool. Snog Emily then.'
'Except that,' Paul said quickly.
Lolly gave an overly large sigh, and then began imitating her fingers to be writing on a keyboard, saying in breathy tones, ' And then, Paul slid of his boxers, eyeing Jesse with the utmost seductiveness . . . "Are you ready for me big boy?" he asked the cowboy coyly, "Because after you've gone Slater, nothing's greater - " '
'STOP!" Paul begged in octaves higher than his own, 'PLEASE!'
Lolly shrugged. 'I could have said, "Once you've gone Paul, nothing's as small " - '
'I'LL KISS YOUR STUPID FRIEND!' he spat.
Lolly beamed. 'Okay. Just . . . you know, make it look like you like it,' she asked nervously.
Paul drew a breath. 'You are by far the most disgusting human being to ever walk this earth.'
'Shut up Slater,' Lolly snapped, 'At least I'm not a figment of Meg Cabot's imagination.'
Paul choked on his reply. 'Touché,' he said after a moment of thought. 'You fight dirty.'
She smirked. 'This, coming from the guy who blackmails Suze to go out with him,' she rolled her eyes.
Paul sniggered proudly. 'Good times . . . '
Emily lay on her bed, unsuspecting of the horrible act that was about to occur. Her chest rose and fell in her gentle sleeping. Suddenly . . . the strangest sensation was felt somewhere on her body . . .
She giggled. 'Oh, stop it . . . ' for a dog was obviously licking her feet . . .
'Done,' Paul said to Lolly.