Well, once more I am going to try my hand at humor. Sad, I know, but… Anyhoo, I don't own the idea for this. I've read these diaries all over, and had so many ideas I couldn't contain them. No offense meant! I mean, imitation is the best form of flattery, or something like that!

Just to let you know, there are about two things that don't line up with the movies, as in the repercussions would have shown on camera, but please forgive me, they were to funny to pass up.

Enjoy!...I hope?


Day 1

Gandalf has asked me to find a hobbit named Frodo since he cannot meet him. Could not find a way to weasel out of it, so am on the way to Bree. Owed Gandalf a favor anyway, and weaseling un-kingly. Must get in practice.

Long journey ahead, but on a lighter note, long journeys in wild always improve on rugged, manly look, what with beard and hair. Go me!

Not king yet.

Day 19

Arrived at Prancing Pony. Stupid innkeeper tried to keep me out. Demonstrated kingly swordplay for him. Now have nice large room and free food with it. Waiting for Frodo. Beard is trying to go flat on me.

Can't be king without manly beard, so am for once glad to say not king yet.

Day 25

Hobbit arrived. Frodo is wimp and idiot it seems. Has no idea what he carries. So much more manly than him. He doesn't even have a beard or chest hair! Blue eyes cannot possibly make up for that and lack of height. Cannot see what girls making eyes at him see.

Three hobbits came with him. Sam, the fat one, and Pippin, the youngest seem all right, despite Sam's being overprotective and turning into a mother hen whenever I get within 10 steps of Frodo. Merry, however, is not going to fair well when I am king. He said, first thing mind you, "Have you been napping at your table?" and pointed to my beard, which, unfortunately, is still flat. Argh.

Stupid beard.

Lucky for Merry, still not king.

Day 26

Moved hobbits to my room last night, as Gandalf threatened to turn me into an elf if anything happened to them. Heaven forbid! Elves don't have beards and thy take bathes every hour it seems. Could never have won Arwen's heart if I looked like a girl!

Ringwraiths attacked hobbit's room. Was very proud of my foresight. Screeching is horrible for manly sleep, but am incredibly manly in dark talking about scary things nonchalantly.

Hobbits were terrified. Bed is wet and smells bad…won't speculate. Journeying to Rivendell. Hobbits are whiny, but I'll toughen them up yet.

Beard is starting to cooperate. Not so flat.

Maybe Elrond will tell me I am king when we get to Imladris.


Stupid? Should I give up and leave this to the original people?