Disclaimer: Ain't mine. George's.
AN: Yes, yes. TNQLL is almost ready to be uploaded, but I was writing a Luke part, and this idea popped into my head. So. I think that a scenewhere Leia tells Luke about her and Han should have been in the OT. Because, I mean, she basically left Luke with a kiss (shudder). Oh, and the title is from a K. D. Lang song. Now, this is set between ESB and ROTJ, before they begin to look for Han. And it in no way applies to TNQLL.
Oh, and if you don't like the suggestion that Luke had a crush on Leia (Before he knew they were related!), turn around!
After the Gold Rush
She's standing by the window, wearing white, and her hair is up, and he can see the curve of her neck from where he's standing. Somehow it seems to him as though she is the living opposite of all things darkand when he looks at her all the bad (memories) things seem to go away. He can almost forget his mechanical hand, and he thinks that she's the most (beautiful) relieving sight he's seen in a long time.
The dark of space outlines her like a picture, and he believes in fairytales again.
But the last princess of Alderaan isn't thinking about fairytales. She's thinking about Han, and (suicide) crying, and just making the pain stop. She's thinking that she might be a bit broken.
But he always thought that she was perfect, and it blinds him.
And maybe it's because she's (so lovely) standing alone, and maybe it's because Han's not here to tease him about making a move on her – not that he wants to, because he doesn't think about her that way anymore (because it hurts) – or maybe its because he's feeling brave, but he goes to stand with her. For a moment, he feels like he's eighteen again.
He's almost too afraid to look at her, as if she will be (less beautiful) different than he remembers. He sees her reflection in the porthole, and she's crying, which startles him because She Doesn't Cry. But he's never been good at speaking to her, so he stares at the top of her head and wonders what could possibly be wrong. He supposes the world is ending.
When her reflection speaks, it's to say "I miss him". And he realizes that this is about Han, and feels a bit guilty because he had forgotten to be sad. But then she says Han's name, he begins to (worry) wonder if there isn't something he's missing. Because he's sure she never said it that way when they were fighting with each other.
The reflection of her looks at him, eyes wide, chin trembling, and he thinks he has a good idea of what she looked like as a child. And he hopes that the fairytales are true.
She's grabbing his arm, his hand, but it's the mechanical one and she has to switch. Her hand is cold and small and he worries his are sweating.
"I love him," she's telling him, "I love him." And the thing that strikes him about the moment is that she didn't say 'loved'.
She's just stubborn like that.
He feels (betrayed) numb, and he must have already known, he thinks. Because everyone's been telling him for years.
Everyone but her.
He can hear people in the corridors of the ship, outside her room. And he doesn't believe that it's fair, that they can laugh and walk down hallways while he stands in a room, holding the hand of a princess he used to think he would rescue from everything.
The lights power down in the hallways, signaling that night mode had arrived, and he can't help but think the last of his childhood died with them.