Sick Man

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own these characters. Can't think of much to say so just R/R.

I'm a sick kid, a very sick kid. With most kids it's a cliché. They're depressed or moody without really having anything to be sad about. But I'm sicker than them, a whole lot sicker. They have names for the sickness inside those kids. Anhedonia, clinical depression, mood disorder. But they don't have a name for my disease.

I hear people complain about their powers a lot. If only they could have more control or be able to do more with their powers. It makes me laugh, laugh like I just heard some sick joke. I'd give anything to be one of those kids and have some other mutant power. You can bet I wouldn't complain about it either. In fact, I'd rather have no power than be stuck with the power to kill with just a touch. Can you even imagine what it's like to live in a school full of freaks and still be isolated to your own private space of torment? Chances are that you can't.

My touch can kill. I think about it a lot while I'm lying in bed. Sometimes when I close my eyes I think about what happened to my father. I remember just touching him, a harmless and innocent gesture. Then I hear the choking and the cries of agony. I can still smell the scent of his rotting flesh. I can still see the look on his face as I turned him into ash and powder. I didn't mean to though. I just touched him. I didn't want to hurt him. But I killed him or rather the sickness inside me killed him.

Sometimes the scene is different. Sometimes the image that Dani Moonstar yanked outta the corner of my mind comes back to haunt me. Instead of seeing my dad turn to dust I see her, see Laurie, die right in front of me instead. Those are nights I wake up screaming or in a cold sweat.

Laurie. She's all I think about. I catch myself looking at her during class all the time. She's very pretty, very nice too. She has the cutest smile I've ever seen and the bluest eyes I've ever looked into. She's everything that's beautiful in my life but she's also everything I can't have. Every time I catch myself looking into those eyes I remember the vision I saw, my own worst nightmare come to life. I look into those eyes and see the same look I saw in my father's right before he died. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

But my power's not the only thing that keeps me from her or the only sickness inside me. You see, while I'm staring at her she's staring at him, at Josh. Even thinking about him brings up bad thoughts. I hate the kid. I hate the way he looks, the way he talks, the way he thinks he's so freakin' untouchable and perfect. Well, I can touch him. I can put my hands around his throat and squeeze pretty hard. I'd love to try it some day, really give those healing powers of his a workout. Who says having the disease of a death touch is all bad? In fact, getting rid of him would probably be the most constructive thing I've ever done with my powers.

What does she see in him? He'll just hurt her, hurt her worse than I ever could. But she doesn't know that. She's too blinded by his big, gold, shiny exterior. He makes me want to throw up. He's popular, athletic, good-looking, everything she wants and everything I can never be.

So who's the sickest of all here? Is it me for being so fixated on her or her for being so fixated on him? Maybe we're all sick inside. But I'm probably still the sickest because of what I dream about on some nights when I don't have nightmares. On nights like those I dream about killing him, about turning his golden hide into golden dust. It's a sick fantasy but part of me enjoys it. Maybe I am a monster and that's why Laurie will never want me. Someone should've warned her though. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. They come in all colors too, even gold. There's only one difference between me and him really. I only look like a monster on the outside. He's a monster on the inside. Who's really the sicker of the two of us?