Dis-bloody-claimer: Marauders and the rest of the characters are JK's. Alright, we get it. You don't have to rub it in, gee. Rock on, JKR, we love you.

Author's Notes: New fic, oh yes indeed. James/Lily, Remus/Sirius - NO REAL SLASH, okay! Just humorous. I need your comments, people, so I can know if I should bother continuing this. I have the idea, now all I want is readers and reviewers. Are you the ones I'm looking for? I sure hope so. DO read and DO say what you think about this. And I WILL write more. Gracias.

Short and sucky Summary:"And I pronounce you a husband and wife..." Sort of. Only, the husbands and wives do not choose each other this time. They are being chosen by destiny. And it is all a game at Hogwarts. MARAUDERS Era, y'all L/J, R/S.

P.S. I intend on putting Snape somewhere in 'ere as well. If you like, you can vote who he should be paired with. Should I make him with somebody similar to him, somebody quite different than him... or... maybe... Trelawney or somebody? LOL. You can give me ideas and I'll take them in consideration. Now onto the story. –bows-

Not So Holy Matrimony

written by Milka-Weasley

Chapter 1 - The Destined Ones

-Passing Notes in Transfiguration-


Something soft hit Lily Evans on the back of her head. She turned around only to notice a black haired boy, who sat a few desks behind, grinning significantly at her. She rolled her emerald green eyes as she picked up the folded piece of parchment James Potter had thrown at her.

She carefully opened it, trying not to be seen by professor McGonagall, who was in the middle of explaining some new ways of Transfiguration to the class.

Only six simple words were written on the parchment:

Does seven sound good to you?

Lily wrinkled her forehead whilst thinking what to respond and avoid sounding unnecessarily rude. Even though she had been seeing a Ravenclaw boy for two months now, James still didn't want to give up on asking her out.

She bit the end of her quill before writing back an even shorter message:

I'm busy tonight.

Lily waited for professor McGonagall to look away and then threw the note back to James. Not long after, she felt a mild tap on her shoulder again. Lily's eyes went across the respond.

Well, I certainly didn't mean to make them all tonight.

She confusedly turned to James, her mouth forming something that irresistibly reminded him of "What the hell are you talking about?"

He chuckled and wrote another quick note. Lily caught it as it flew through the air, eager to read the explanation.

Seven kids, Evans. Once we get married.

A couple of pink stains appeared on Lily's cheeks as she scribbled the reply.

In your dreams, Potter. Like I'd ever marry you.

Lily was just about to throw the note back to James, when a wand appeared in front of her. Unfortunately, she recognized it as professor McGonagall's wand.

"Miss Evans," said Minerva McGonagall sternly, "I can assure you I don't doubt you are having incredible fun with writing those notes at the moment. That is why I'm extremely sorry to interrupt you."

"I... er..." the pink stains on Lily's cheeks were slightly redder now. "I apologize, professor McGonagall, it won't happen again, I promise...

"Although," accented the professor, obviously not paying too much attention on Lily's poor apologies. "it does seem a bit unfair to me that you're amusing yourself while the rest of the class is being bored with ten monotonous ways to turn an owl into a clock. Will you be so kind to hand me the notes now? Both of those?"

"They're kind of private..."


Lily hesitated a few seconds, but seeing as there was not other way, unwillingly handed the notes to McGonagall. The whole class goggled expectantly at professor now, who was silently reading the notes.

"This means," she said calmly after finishing with reading, "that Mr. Potter is most definitely sitting on the edge of his chair waiting to hear the reply."

"Now that you've mentioned it, professor..." declared James in his usual cheery voice. "I am, in fact."

McGonagall gazed abysmally. "Right. Well, I'm never glad to be the bearer of the bad news, but the answer is disappointing, I'm afraid."

"Always is." interjected Sirius Black, grinning. "It's been like that for the past... hmmm... James, correct me if I'm wrong... what 7 years?"

The whole class laughed at this, including James himself, who didn't seem to be too shocked with Lily's answer. After all, what Sirius had said was entirely true – Lily had never ever said yes to James... in any way.

"You're quite right, mate," James honestly responded. "7 unsuccessful years it was. But I have a feeling this year will bring the change!"

"I'd say that's the spirit," Sirius said, "if only you didn't say that last year... and the year before that..."

If Lily didn't know professor McGonagall better, she could swear she saw something that could be described as a smile in one corner of professor's lips.

"Now that we've determined this sorrowful relationship between Mr. Potter and Miss. Evans, we can surely go back to owl transfiguration and the reason we were here in the first place."

"Actually," Remus Lupin unobtrusively added from his seat, next to Sirius Black's. "We can't. We only have... 35 seconds left till the end of the class."

Minerva McGonagall sighed. "Well, in that case, before I dismiss this class, I must ask you one thing Mr. Potter."

"Yes, professor McGonagall?"

"Did you speak to professor Dumbledore... in the last... couple of days?"

James frowned for a split second, thinking. "Not that I remember, no... Why?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing," Minerva McGonagall shook her head pensively. "After all, you'll find about it tonight."

-The Destined Ones-

As James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew made their way to the Great Hall, they suddenly became aware of a strange commotion in the Main Entrance. There were more students than usual and everyone seemed much more excited and chatty.

"What's going on?" James asked his friends curiously.

"I don't know and I don't care," responded Sirius quickly, not willing to stop or see what the fuss was about. "This dog's too hungry to think."

"Look!" exclaimed Peter, pointing his finger to the opposite wall. "There!"

"It is some sort of," said Remus as he peered over everyone's shoulders. "advertisement, I think..."

"Didn't you hear?" a girl, who was passing near them communicatively said. "The pairs are being announced tonight!"

"Pairs?" said James. "What pairs?"

The girl laughed amusedly.

"You are really not informed, are you? Well, it's all about the new Hogwarts game for all of the 5th, 6th, 7th years and professors! Dumbledore will take the names out of a big box during the dinner and... oh, sorry, my friends need me! See you later!" she added and ran to a group of giggling girls.

"How cute." commented Sirius, even though it was obvious he thought it was everything but cute. "Now let's go eat."

"Yeah..." muttered James absent-mindedly.

The four of them entered the Great Hall and sat at the Gryffindor table. "Finally!" thought Sirius Their plates immediately filled with most random meals and they started eating. After approximately 20 minutes, Albus Dumbledore stood up and people went quiet.

"I won't be taking too much of your precious time," he said loudly, so that everyone in the Hall could hear. "so, I'll get straight to the point. I know it sounds unusual, Mr Longbottom, but I'll leave my regular long speeches for the end of the year."

Frank Longbottom, a 5th year from Gryffindor, sank in his chair as the eyes of all four houses were sighted to him. The Headmaster must have noticed the surprised sound he had let when he said he would get straight to the point. Truth be told, it was rare, indeed.

"As I was saying..." Dumbledore continued speaking. "If you've read the announcement in the Main Hall, you probably know that we shall have an interactive game this year for the students older than 15."

"So we've heard" muttered Sirius to Remus, but now that he was full, he did seem much more interested in the whole thing.

"The box with names of each and every one of you is in the hands of our Charms professor, Mr. Filius Flitwick," said Dumbledore, smiling. "The game is called Matrimonium Alveum, which, in Latin, means nothing else than... Holy Matrimony."

James's jaw dropped, as well as many other students'. "Holy... what?" he mumbled, flabbergasted.

"...and it should help you find your destined Hogwarts spouse who will be your companion till the end of the year. The purpose of this game is fun in the first place, of course, and getting ready for the real life marriage one day. Don't get scared, it will be perfectly amusing!" Dumbledore added, as he saw many freaked out faces. "Now. If anyone doesn't want to participate, you simply let us know now. Just raise your hands and your names will be out of the box."

James looked around himself and saw Black grinning madly, Lupin staring at the floor, Peter biting his nails nervously, but none of them raising a hand. However, James's look searched for somebody else. He gazed at Lily, who, on his great relief, didn't raise her hand either.

There were a lot of confused and hesitant faces, but only ten or twelve people actually gave up. Everybody else seemed to like the idea of Matrimonium Alveum.

"Alright, then," said Dumbledore after a few minutes. "On my sign, Filius. Ready?"

"Ready, Headmaster," squeaked professor Flitwick excitedly and drew out his wand, yelling "Wingardium Leviosa!"

The box lifted up in the air.

"Infirmo!" shouted professor Flitwick and the box started shaking like mad. Suddenly, it flung open and more than 800 small pieces of parchment began to fly around the Great Hall's enchanted ceiling.

A loud "Woah..." was heard all over the Hall.

The names chased each other, twirled, flew up and down, ran away from others, then started to slow down and finally stopped, as they stuck to one particular piece of parchment. The destined one, as Dumbledore said.

Everyone impatiently waited for Dumbledore's next move. He seemed very pleased as he spoke again:

"So, it's done. But you will only have to wait just a little bit more. I know it's tormenting, but as soon as you get to you dormitories you will know. The name of your chosen one will be on your pillow. And tomorrow, I'm looking forward to seeing newlyweds. Good night, everyone!"

Author's Notes: Now, whatcha thinking? Like it or not? JUST TELL ME, oh I beg you. Please. Please. Please. Haha. I'm pathetic. That's why I'd love you to tell me whatever you have to say. Okay, I'm leaving now. reviewsreviewsreviewsreviews!