Why I Hate My Last Name

By Kate O'Riley

Disclaimer: Stargate is not mine. If it were, things would be drastically different. Drastically. Because by now, I'd have gotten Sam's last name changed, and it would be six letters long and include an apostrophe.

Something of a companion piece to my story "Sir".

Spoilers for "Solitudes" and "100 Days", one miniscule mention for "Children of the Gods"

You know, I really hate my last name.

Carter. I remember looking it up at one point. Apparently, I had an ancestor who used to haul things around. He carted them, he became known as "the carter", it became "Carter".

As far as last names go, it could be a lot worse. It could be something insanely hard to pronounce, let alone spell. Actually, I'd be all right with it; if it weren't for the fact that he always calls me by my last name!

"Carter, do this." "Carter, do that." "Carter, watch our six." "Carter, what are you working on?" Carter, Carter, Carter!

Let me fill you in, sir. I have a first name. It's Sam. You can use it occasionally. Sam, short for Samantha. Not that anyone's ever really called me that. I've always thought it was too feminine. When I was a kid, I'd hang out with my brother and his friends, and I didn't want to be Samantha, I wanted to be Sam. As I got older, I felt that people respected Sam Carter more than Samantha Carter. When I entered the Air Force Academy, I was one of only a few women in my class, and I definitely didn't want to be feminine. Of course, I still had to whip a few guys at hand-to-hand combat in order to get respect, but it helped, at least in my mind.

He never calls me it!

You know, I love the man, but-


Oh my gosh.

I love him.

I love Jack O'Neill.

I've never really admitted it to myself. Thinking back, I've known it. Especially after Antarctica. From our first mission to Abydos, where we brought back Daniel, up till Antarctica, we were friends; comrades. I watch out for him, he returns the favor, everyone makes it back in one piece. It wasn't until I watched him, laying on the ice, in so much pain but not admitting it, that I really loved him. I just never admitted it.

Until now.

And I can't do a damn thing about it! It's so frustrating!

When he was on Edora, I worked with one thought in mind. I had to get him back. I didn't go home at all, those three months. My schedule was to wake up, work, eat if someone made me, work more, and grab a few hours sleep, only when I was so exhausted I couldn't concentrate. Even then, I'd set the alarm and get up within a few hours.

He didn't even do anything! He didn't say, "Wow, great to see you, how'd you get to me?" He didn't say, "Sam, I've missed you." In fact, he seemed to be kind of disappointed. I remember thinking, fine, next time, we'll leave you. I was exhausted. Once the particle accelerator was finished, I was in such a hurry to try it out. I was so excited and worried once we had Teal'c through, I couldn't relax. When Teal'c and Jack called home and told us they made it through, I could hardly wait to go. General Hammond ordered me to get some sleep. I laid down, but my mind was racing, I couldn't sleep. By the time I was on Edora, I had gone for over 72 hours with maybe twenty minutes of sleep.

And he still calls me Carter!

Sometimes, I take an evil pleasure in calling him "sir." I know he hates it. I do it anyway. You're going to call me Carter? Fine, Jack, two can play at that game…sir.

He doesn't get it, still! Men are so…ugh. They're men. Sometimes they can't get something if you use it to slap them. They just stare at you, obviously out of the loop, and you want to force them to understand.

But they don't.

And he doesn't.

And he'll keep on calling me Carter.

That's why I hate my last name.